- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2017
So, you ladies may remember me as the bee whose FI’s sister is super narcassistic and toxic. Fiance and I have been together for over 3 years; planning to elope in October 2017 and keeping our wedding plans secret because of all the drama. Without having to re-explain this entire saga, just remember that FI’s sister is pissed that I dropped out / did not attend her wedding and to get back at me has spread lies about me to the family and said nasty things about me behind my back. Feel free to read my previous thread for a refresher on specific details (caution: it is quite lengthy, so grab a glass of vino). You lovely ladies really provided me with some solid advice about how to deal with her – and I am so grateful. I took your advice to cut all contact with her, and things have been great! Now, unfortunately, there is a new development I need your help with: in that lengthy thread I referenced before, I briefly mentioned that the lies that my FI’s sister spread about me also strained his (and my) relationship with his brother and his brother’s new wife. And now my Fiance and his brother (who used to be super close -talking / texting / visiting each other at least once per week) have not spoken to each other for 3 MONTHS after an incident in October 2016. They did not even see each other or speak to each other for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Years. Here’s what happened:
I went to my FI’s sister’s house (yes, the crazy one) for a joint birthday part for his brother and mother out of guilt and obligation (don’t worry – this is my last public appearance with any of FI’s family). I just wanted to support my Future Brother-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law…and I didn’t want the drama with my Future Sister-In-Law to affect that. We were all on good terms at this point, except for my Fiance, Future Sister-In-Law and me. So, this brother (whose birthday we are celebrating) is newly married, and the party was a disaster because his wife was visibly and audibly upset! So, the entire evening was super awkward, and I started to talk to the wife to get her to cheer up and open up. Well, his wife starts to open up…she goes from moping and pouting to laughing and talking with me! She was upset because this was the first birthday that they would be spending together as husband and wife (especially since they were in a long distance, international relationship before) and she feels like my crazy Future Sister-In-Law took over all of the plans and ruined that special time for her. Now, keep in mind that his new wife used to live out of the country…She continues to talk more about who she is as a person, and after quite some time of talking back and forth she says that she “misjudged” me. Huh? She told me that her husband (my FI’s brother) has been telling her about all of the drama I CAUSED for the past year – really?!? She told me that her husband instructed her to stay away from me when she moved to the states, and she thought that I was a bad person prior to that night. She even told me that she never took me up on my offer to take a girl’s trip / tour of the city with me because of that. Long story short, my FI’s sister has been speaking poorly of me to this brother for over 1 year, and it finally poisioned his mind…and he then poisoned his wife’s mind.
Ladies, I left the party brokenhearted! At this point, I had not spoken with any family members regarding the drama between my Future Sister-In-Law and I. It did not involve them and I made sure not to make my disdain for her affect my relationships with them. I’ve always remained supportive of them, and I do not and will not ever badmouth their sister to them. So while I’m on my side of town keeping my mouth shut, my FI’s sister has been hard at work spreading lies about me to her brother who in turn took the information INTERNATIONAL. I told my Fiance about what I hear firsthand at the party, and I made him promise not to say anything. I guess he couldn’t hold his tongue any longer and in December 2016 (1.5 months after the party), he called his brother to confront him about the situation, and all that came of it was a bunch of yelling and swearing (first from FI’s brother, and then from my FI). I was out shopping when this happened, so when I returned home, my FI was now on the phone with his brother’s wife (on speakerphone) who proceeded to address me, call me a liar and tell my Fiance to dump me. So, no lie – I cursed her out. I told her not to call our numbers, or come on our side of town because she’s not welcome. And I meant it. I was so disappointed in myself that I lost my temper and started swearing – but I wasn’t disappointed that I told her to stay out of my life. She and her husband then proceeded to block me on social media, and that was that.
Well, ladies…here’s the fun part! Out of nowhere yesterday, my FI’s brother calls him to talk about the situation. That’s right – 3 months later! While on the phone, my FI’s brother doesn’t apologize, or say he did anything wrong – he pretty much denied everything. He simply tells my Fiance that I must have misunderstood his wife, because he never said those things about me. And he wants to move forward with his relationship with my Fiance. So, here’s where I need advice: I have multiple questions!
1. Do you smell a rat? I know for a fact that my bat-sh*t crazy sister in law has been texting my Fiance to encourage him to resolve things with his brother…and she visited the brother’s house at least 1 time to encourage him to resolve things as well. Is this my FSIL’s way of manipulating her way back into our lives through another brother?
2. Should I forgive and forget? I told this brother’s wife that neither she nor her husband were welcome in our home or lives and she deleted me off of social media before the phone feud was even finished. Should I put things behind us, and start fresh even though the brother has been speaking poorly of me for the past year?
3. Wedding Invitation? Fiance and I intially decided that this brother and wife would not be invited to the wedding (btw – his feelings are still the same, even after his conversation with his brother). Should we change our minds and invite them to our small elopement – 15 people guest list max?
4. Sincerely or not? I can’t help but feel that since bad things were said about me…and to me, I should be on the receiving end of an apology. Yes, still no text or call. Does the brother’s denial of wrongdoing and lack of apology show he’s insincere?
So, if you made it to the end, you can see that this thread was part storytelling, part vent, and part cry for help. Thank you ladies for making it to the end, and as always I appreciate your help, support, and great guidance!! And please don’t be afraid to speak your truth; I can take it. xoxoxo