(Closed) Update to the icky future BIL situation

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow that is crazy.  Sounds like you have realized that wedding planning isn’t really fun!  It is full of tough decisions and family fights!  I really don’t see where she gets off thinking that it is okay for her to demand that you invite friends that you don’t even know.  She just had a wedding, she should understand how much it costs to invite people and I’m sure she really didn’t invite people that weren’t familiar with either the bride or the groom.  It’s a tough situation with the Groomsmen thing, it will probably hurt his relationship with his brother if he drops him, but it sort of sounds like they don’t want to come if her friends aren’t invited anyway.

Post # 4
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Aw, sorry you’re going through this 🙁  But don’t let it make you feel like you and your Fiance shouldn’t get married! 

Your Future Brother-In-Law and his wife sound like miserable, terrible people.  Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make them act right and stop being a**holes.  We can’t control other people’s behavior, but we CAN countrol our reactions to their behavior.

So, as hard as it is, I would try not to react.  Calmly tell them how you feel, then just try not to let it upset you.  These people are just jerks, and you can’t take it personally.  It is your FI’s decision whether he wants to have his brother in the wedding or not. 

Concentrate on building up your Fiance.  It sounds like he might be having self-esteem issues… I’m sure the way his brother treats him (and you) is very hurtful, and sometimes when someone treats us like crap, we blame ourselves.

Post # 6
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

*sigh* I have an extremely similar situation with my sister/ex-moh. Notice I wrote EX-moh. Just like your Fiance, I stood up as the Maid/Matron of Honor for her and I poured my heart into making sure I did everything I could to make her happy. I spent thousands of hours and dollars and did my very best. Now that it’s my turn, I asked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor and shortly after she was every way as disrespectful and hurtful as your BIL and his wife have been to you and your Fiance. I had NO qualms about switching MOHs. She’s not even a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I don’t even know if she’ll condescend to be at my wedding! But what I DO know, is that it is more important to have people around you who are 100% supportive, love AND respect you than to adhere to some false sense of obligation. Your Fiance should ditch your BIL and trust me, he will feel a weight lift off his heart.

 

Good luck!

 

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