(Closed) My heart is breaking (Update to trip to Norway)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Mrs.SleepyKitty:  I’m sorry you’re so upset πŸ™ I understand the feeling of disappointment and would feel the same way too. My SO has had the ring since new years eve (just one month after you!, and we celebrated our 3rd anniversary during this period)…I am trying not to get my hopes up for our next vacation (end of may), but it is only normal for one to think “just maybe it will happen then!”….is there any way you could get some sort of timeline out of him? Is it possible he may have told your parent’s when he is planning to propose (maybe you could try to squeeze information out of them?)…I agree that once the ring is purchased, waiting becomes 10x more frustrating and if I were you I would casually/sweetly/and as innocently as possible mention something.

Post # 4
2790 posts
Sugar bee

I am so sorry! I never understand how men can hold onto a ring for that long. Shouldn’t they be excited to give it to you? The only thing I can think of is that he didn’t want to do it on a holiday of any form but he has had plenty of time to come up with something else. I would be just as devastated.

Post # 5
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh no! I’m so sorry that you’re feeling disappointed and sad. I’m waiting (and there’s not a ring quite yet) and it seems that knowing there actually is a ring would make one feel better, but I suppose not. HUGS! I bet he has something really special planned for you and I hope that you’ll feel better soon and have a proposal story to share with us soon. I know you will πŸ™‚

Post # 8
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

For what it’s worth, my Fiance does NOT care about proposals. Some men just have the mentality of “I already feel married, why does she care so much about a ring?”

Mine is like that with Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, Dungeons and Dragons. I hate that stupid game and I never think about it. For whatever reason that hurts Fiance deeply, since I should care about Dungeons and Dragons as much as him. I love Fiance, so I see no reason to bring it into our relationship. It’s just that it doesn’t cross my mind…ever. 

So yes, he has the ring. Yes, he has been with you for 4 years. The man is probably just oblivious as Hell, and sees no rush. I mean- it’s been 4 years, what’s another month?

FWIW I’m on your team! I think you deserve your ring! I’m just trying to give your Fiance some credit for his apathy.

Also, rings are NOT cheap. Trust me, if he shelled out the cash, then you’re getting it. He wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t want to ultimately marry you!


Post # 9
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

He MAY have something planned and it can only happen on a specific day. I’m sorry, I know how much it hurts. My fiance started the proposal in December and it ended (with “will you marry me”) in March. (its a long story as to why the proposal was so long. it has to do with how he was doing it πŸ™‚ ) I was dying from anxiety during those three months because I didn’t know when he was going to come out with it and freaking give me the ring! 

Maybe it’ll help to keep reminding yourself that the important thing is that you know he doesn’t have any doubts. It helped me when I kept reminding myself that I’m heartbroken only because I’m anxiously waiting for a ring, not because he may not love me.



Post # 11
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’ll never understand the concept of a man buying a ring and then not actually giving it to his partner.  Ever.  It seems hurtful and pointless.  Then again, we picked mine out together and he proposed right after we picked it up together.  Maybe some people wouldn’t like that, I don’t know.  I’m not trying to be judgmental, I just don’t understand it.

OP, I think you need to talk to him.  I feel that getting engaged is a joint decision a couple makes.  You shouldn’t have to wait around for him to call the shots – you’re a partnership.  Good luck and I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. πŸ™  Hopefully this will all become a distant memory very soon!

Post # 12
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Juliepants:  i know in my situation, we bought the ring impulsively b/c it was a great deal…he hadn’t initially planned on buying the ring and proposing until the semester was over and we were finished with our Master’s degrees…. so let’s see if he actually does it..3 weeks left till im done (not that i’m counting or anything ;))..

@OP- is your guy the type that loves to surprise you?! I think he will be doing it when you LEAST expect it rather than the big holidays…but I don’t think there would be any harm in casually bringing it up.

Post # 13
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Awww don’t be soo sad! If he already has the ring…you have nothing to worry about. Plus, there’s the whole rest of the day of your anniversary (right or do I have my time zones messed up?) that he can propose. Try to calm down and enjoy your day! And believe me, I know that it’s waaaay easier said than done! I had a similar experience last October, in Paris. The only difference was that it wasn’t our anniversary, but the disappointment was the same.  I was on the flight home with theattitude from hell….I was so mad that I made him take me to my moms when we got back to the states. Not a shining moment, believe me. Good luck Laughing

Post # 14
1077 posts
Bumble bee

I am so sorry, that really sucks. I would be right there with you if I was in your shoes, but I probably wouldn’t have the grace to not throw a fit about it!

When was the last time you talked? Has he given you a timeline? If not it may be time to set your own. I know all of the progress I’ve gotten from waiting is when I’ve talked to my SO and been direct. I don’t think guys understand how much we look forward to being engaged, and a gentle push is sometimes required. 

Post # 15
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Mrs.SleepyKitty:  I’m so sorry you’re hurting right now–It is so hard not to get your hopes up, especially when it seems like there’s no reason why it can’t happen, and trying not to show that disappointment makes it even harder. It’s only natural that you’re upset right now. Hopefully some sleep will help (as dumb as it sounds, sometimes that can make all the difference in the world). Maybe go for a walk or a run or kickboxing or something to get your frustration out. My guess is that he truly isn’t aware (even if he should be) of how much this means to you. He clearly is planning to spend the rest of his life with you, so maybe in his mind he feels that you must just know how much he loves you. Guys can be funny sometimes and don’t always get that we need to be reminded that they are crazy about us and excited to be with us. Good luck and sending hugs your way!

Post # 16
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence

I’m sorry you feel so terrible and I hope things start to look up!

I agree with the PP who suggested you try and get some kind of a timeline out of him, even if it’s a “don’t expect it on a major holiday” kind of thing. Before Mr. D proposed I knew something was up and he made sure to tell me that it was not going to happen anytime soon (which hurt to hear but he had a specific plan he wanted to adhere to and didn’t want me to get bummed out every time we went out for dinner or something).

Good luck and hugs!

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