UPDATE – Toxic Relationship

posted 3 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

jaimegurl88 :  I am so proud of you! That was not easy to do, but every day it will get a little easier. You 100% did the right thing!

And dont beat yourself up, we can be both smart and also forgiving/optimistic. Trying to love someone and be there does not make you a bad person. He was the one who failed to return that love. Thats a tough thing, but now you’ll know better next time. You will be quicker to walk when your needs arent met. You will hopefully value yourself more now and raise your standards up to what you deserve.

Hang in there. Your story isnt over and you have brighter days ahead!

Post # 3
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Yay I’m so happy for you 

 

You are my inspiration lady

Post # 5
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

Your life WAS a mess. Now you’re fixing it. You will be ok. You have a lot of life left to live!

Post # 6
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee

You absolutely did the right thing. Now is the perfect time to put you and your child first and just get back to a state of normalcy. 
Keep him blocked, bee- you will thank yourself later. Going cold turkey is incredibly difficult, especially when you’re used to being so enmeshed in his life. But I think there will come a day where you feel some relief once the sadness wears away.
Stay strong 

Post # 8
Member
7821 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You are taking steps forward, not backwards and that is the important thing. 

Post # 9
Member
16 posts
Newbee

It’s always hard to leave a toxic situation, but you will be so much happier when you find peace at the end. Everything will be okay! Much love to you!

Post # 10
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

You are one brave woman! It takes everything to leave a relationship like this and despite what you may think, you are not a mess. You are getting back on track and will eventually start to heal. Just focus on your child and yourself right now. Take small steps and it will be ok. Sending you hugs ๐Ÿ’•

Post # 11
Member
772 posts
Busy bee

jaimegurl88 :  

What I will say is that I was once in a toxic relationship for 5 years – I remember the feelings you are describing so well. I didn’t have a child, but I remember so well the enormous amount of effort I made for him, how I tried to support him, make his life so easy and convenient – absolutely everything was on his terms, he wouldn’t have it any other way. I remember with horrow how dismissive he was of my feelings, how cold and withdrawn and spiteful he could be if the mood took him. And then he could be so loving and affectionate. It was up and down all the time – he’d push me away then pull me closer. My mental health suffered so badly during that time and I had such bad anxiety. I was so miserable and sad all the time.

And I was locked into that awful cycle. I finally had the strength to walk away and I spent about 6 months detoxing from that relationship – because that is what it is. It is like going through withdrawal from a drug. I cut contact with him, and every time I felt tempted to contact him I distracted myself. It was very difficult but it got easier.

I really know how you are feeling now, but if you can just stick by your decision to stay away from him, I promise you will feel SO much better in time, and if you can keep reminding yourself of what he is really like, his hold over you will be broken.

In my case, my ex asked me if I wanted to get back together 3 years after we broke up. He did his usual bit of being very sweet, but that changed when I turned him down. He suddenly became cold and angry, and I was reminded of what I would have to deal with if I had gone back to him. All I had to do was remember how miserable I was when we were together, and I knew I wanted a much happier life for myself.

Post # 12
Member
6233 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I remember your other thread. Congratulations on getting yourself and your daughter out of that situation. You may not realize it now, but one day, your daughter may have the courage to remove herself from a toxic relationship because of what you are modeling right now. Keep going forward and looking out for the two of you. Where you are a year from now will be so amazing, you won’t believe it.

Post # 14
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

Do NOT unblock him.  Ever.  If this roller coaster has been difficult for you, imagine how it confusing and difficult it is for your young child.  Please keep putting her best interest above all else.  

Glad you left, but please look forward, not backwards.  

Post # 15
Member
9964 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Way to go bee!

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