- 2 years ago
Update to my post from the two days ago – Dont see any edit button.
So yesterday I told him not to come back but didn’t take his stuff to his moms – he didn’t respond – I was so depressed I laid around w my son on the couch – last night of course he shows up and comes in and over to me kisses me like nothing at all happened
Then I started asking questions – Why are you coming here when you know there’s no future? Why do you keep coming around? Why don’t you find someone you actually want to mary? Why don’t you move on? Why did you lie to me for so many years? Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? I asked if there’s someone he has met or is interested in and he insists no but I’m really really skeptical – he wouldn’t have much time to spend w them but maybe lunch breaks at work after work NYC is huge and easy to meet people
He kept saying he does want to marry me and soon. I asked when? What day? What week what month? When?
He told me two days from now. I said with what ring? I know u didn’t buy one let’s be real. I didn’t really know but had to assume by now . And he says he gonna give me a ring his mom bought for me! His own mother went and picked out! Like his mother is proposing to me not him. First off she showed me this ring a while ago that she bought for me and asked if I wanted it! I said no because it wasn’t my taste. Was that my proposal? That’s how lazy and cheap he is. He asked his mom to buy me one? He has the money we have the money
He said well you said any ring at all. I said I would say no instantly if you really proposed w a ring bought from your mother. I said I would rather u have bought me one out of a gumball machine for real. Then he said he doesn’t want rings he wants tattoos or rings that are gecko lizards – apparently there’s a ring he saw that’s a freeze dried idk preserved tiny lizard wrapping around the finger from taut to hands – that’s the most disgusting weird shi I’ve ever heard – he doesn’t believe in blood diamonds and thinks having rings is us being slaves to society and those ideals and traditions not our own – that he’s not romantic doesn’t know how I never showed him how – I’ve never been romantic and none of his gfs or parents have been – this is all lies because yes I have and I know that his last long term gf has
I said why did you get down on your knee in the kitchen? You decided to propose when we were screaming at each other? And he told me he wasn’t even proposing! He got down on his knee to say please don’t go I’m begging you – that shook me
i feel everything is a cop out because he would t talk any further and said I was making him really angry and I better stop – I had to go take care of the baby because he was crying and it took me a while of rocking bottle rubbing his back and talking to him to get him to sleep
when I came back all of a sudden he’s saying how great a mom I am and says I’m perfect and he loves me so much – then he’s like do you love me? I said you know I do and he was like say it then out loud – during that instant I felt nothing for him just anger resentment depression sadness – I also have my guard up so when I said it idk I didn’t feel anything at all – I felt like I was finally moving on – immediately when I said it he started to try to get it on – I guess these moves worked for him in the past but they sure as hell don’t now – seems like one f-ed up head game
I repeated tmw I’m dropping all your belongings off @ ur mothers house.. You need to move out now and figure out your life – I want you out of my face so I can move on and find someone that wants me. And he said your always going to want to marry me.. whether I’m moved out or hone you’ll marry me. With a cocky attitude. And I’m like you are dead wrong there.. wrong – I guess he thinks he has me wrapped around his little finger – He thinks me being in love with him and standing by him is his control? I went to bed and I laid there awake most of the night while he slept peacefully yet again – this am when we got up to the baby he tried force kissing me goodbye when I was laying in bed but it was this violent kiss where he shoved his tongue down my throat and I flipped out – then I said I’m dropping your shi off and he said nothing and left
I texted him a barrage of insults and his betrayals asking why and I’m never forgiving you for this and he didn’t reply – so it’s pretty much understood he doesn’t give a f about me and really hasn’t ever – he’s not going to be a good dad because he works in Manhattan and commutes so he would see the baby maybe an hour every night by the time he gets home and he doesn’t know how to get him to sleep doesn’t know how to feed him – will occasionally change him and hand him a bottle – won’t make him the food he will actually eat but makes him the food he himself wants to eat – I’m really worried about going to court because he once said he would try for full custody and all that he would try and prove I’m a bad mom if he had to because our son will be living with him – it doesn’t make any sense for him to want this except for power and control – he’s not going to be able to afford rent near his job – he’s going to be living w his mom for a long time or his dads house – it’s just so he doesn’t have to pay child support?
When we end he won’t either any of our two cars because he’s driving my older car and we bought a new truck so it’s safer for the baby – both in my name w him as a consigner on remainder of loan for the truck
I don’t want to drop his junk off I would rather it sit in the rain for all I care – And I’m not gonna lie I want to smash everything he owns into pieces or keep the PlayStation as a present for us so we can get baby games on it – but I’m not because I’m going to have to deal w him in court for a long time. I’m just worried about his retaliation
I’m just so full of regrets that I’m trying to get out of my mind. But the entire length of my pregnancy and my sons life I cried – a lot – and I would have done more and been happier – I also had trouble getting rid of the baby weight which I’m slimming down now – but I think if I wasn’t so depressed I would have had a better grasp on everything in my life…