update walking away from the final ultimatum

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
625 posts
Busy bee

knotyet :  Why should she bring his stuff to his mom’s??? OP let him get his own shit. 

Post # 17
Member
1232 posts
Bumble bee

stayingforthepromise :  A pity you couldn’t use any of the self-righteous anger you were so quick to show me, to improve your own life by kicking out a man who has refused to marry you, is unable to support himself let alone his family, does not inspire confidence in you parenting-wise (“he’s not going to be a good dad” – you) and now you suspect of cheating.

But sure, I’M the one who makes zero sense. Good luck, I’m out ✌️

Post # 18
Member
10093 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

stayingforthepromise :  You can be mad at her message but look at what you’re doing to your life with this guy.

You have a child now and you have an obligation to that child to do better than this. This back and fourth foolishness is something you do in highschool relationships, when you bring a child into the world you owe it to that child to be an adult and make the hard decisions because it’s best for your child. You’re so focused on this drama with this guy that you aren’t making the decisions that are best for your child and that’s what that bee is trying to say.

Maybe you need to get mad about it so you can get angry enough to want better for yourself and your kid instead of acting like you’re in a teenage highschool relationship. Some people need a kick in the ass instead of kindness, maybe thats the sort of person you are since the two days of kind advice hasn’t worked. 

Do better.

Post # 21
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

stayingforthepromise :  you don’t see how? Here: 

he up and ended it and was already going on dates – I was so upset I left a love note on his car and pics of us and he wouldn’t return my calls or texts” 

 

Post # 22
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

livster :  she doesn’t understand this but it is clear as day to myself and other bees. She didn’t undertsand my reply either. Go figure. 

Post # 23
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Play this with the volume all the way up and get to packing his shit! The pain of heartbreak is temporary, you will get through this and move onto better things! Stay strong, bee!! 

Post # 24
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

You both sound like you have no communication skills or impulse control AT ALL. Cut off all contact and seek personal help from a licensed therapist immediately, before it impacts the welfare of your child.

Post # 26
Member
6643 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Something you might want to keep in mind right now is that the first 5 years of your son’s life, you are setting his barometer for what is “normal.” Kids are highly adaptable and resilient and even if you know that a situation that is taking place is abnormal and toxic, your child, living in the midst of it, does not. You primary focus, right now, should be on what is best for him since you seem to have a hard time figuring out what is best for you when it comes to relationships. The fact that you were crying and depressed (as you stated) for so much of your pregnancy and your son’s early months is unfortunate and the fact that you had a child with a deadbeat loser is very sad but ONE of you needs to get it together and since it’s unlikely to be his father, then it needs to be you.

Don’t take this person back- figure out a way to disentangle yourself from him so that your only communications are about your son. Get some therapy- it sounds like this unhealthy relationship is a pattern for you- you would be wise to seek help and support in changing your own patterns because if your picker is broken, you’re just going to keep repeating the same mistakes. Focus on your kid and his well being- no more playing house with bums. It sounds like you need higher standards for the people you are dating.

Don’t fight the people who point out that you have room to grow here, too. It might be uncomfortable to hear but for all that this guy sounds like a piece of shit bum loser, you need to acknowledge that you chose to be with this piece of shit bum loser and you chose to have a child with him and you wanted to marry him. Take responsibility for your choices so that you can make better ones moving forward.

I’m sorry this guy couldn’t or wouldn’t do better and be better for you and for the child the two of you made together. I hope you can and will be.

Post # 28
Member
10093 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Well, of course he doesn’t mention anything about you and your feelings! You’ve spent years proving to him every day that you’re all talk and won’t ever follow through with your threats in any serious manner. To be totally frank I think even if you do end up kicking him out it won’t stick and you’ll keep attempting to make contact with him because you still want him after all of this. If you didn’t want him still you wouldn’t give a shit he didn’t say anything other than about his credit card. Everything you’re doing right now is in hopes of getting a reaction from him.

He views you like parents view a small child who says they are going to run away to join the circus. You’re something to be laughed at and not taken seriously.

Post # 30
Member
625 posts
Busy bee

 

stayingforthepromise :  “yea I already packed up my -car w most of his garbage”

Why?

“I’m not making two trips”

Why are you making one?

“he texted me back saying his credit card is one of his pants pockets and can I look for it”

No, he can come get his own damn pants and look for his own CC. This man child ping ponging back and forth between his mommy and his gf, couldn’t take care of himself if his life depended on it. Why girls settle for these non-men I do not know.

“– that’s it – nothing at all about giving a crap – “

 

Good. 

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