stayingforthepromise : I think what the other Bees are trying to explain to you is that you sound like you have codependency issues. When you’ve broken up with boyfriends in the past and realized it was really over, did you find yourself feeling panicked and abandoned and hurt? Did you feel desperate to get them back? KNOWING that this current Boyfriend or Best Friend is leading you on, making you unhappy, and is really a poor catch and a poor father who will never change…you’re still concerned about him not “wanting” you and your biggest fear being “him moving on quickly,” or finding someone else to marry. It legitimately sounds like you’re so terrified of this guy leaving and being along and facing that rejection that you are not capable of responding to your own feelings and pain in KNOWING that he is a bad man for you.
You have said yourself in this thread and your last thread that this man you are with now 1) treats you badly. 2) Doesn’t react to or respect your feelings 3) plays dramatic games with you to lead you on and keep you 4) is overtly sexual and tries to instigate intimacy with you at incredibly inappropriate times 5) treats himself as the priority 6) is not an invested father…..
So why do you still want him?
You just don’t want to be rejected by him. You don’t want to face the idea of wasting 7 years of life. You don’t want to think of the father of your child picking another woman to be “worthy” of marriage. You’re afraid of financial concerns (when they sound like things you can survive). You don’t want to be alone, or see him go off and find “happiness” (abusing/exploiting another woman.)
And these feelings are SO strong in you that you’d rather stay in a relationship where someone makes you feel so much pain that you cry, scream, yell, can’t sleep, and emotionally suffer just so it won’t be officially over.
And you have a pattern of behavior with this guy that has you crying and threatening him and him saying a few words to appease you that you accept, knowing in the back of your mind that it is BS, because you don’t want the relationship to be over. You give him empty threats and he knows it, which is why he has treated you this way for so long.
That means that somewhere in your head, you have a formula that goes:
Being in an emotionally painful relationship with this worthless guy > (is better than) him leaving me/ being alone.
And when that happens, despite all RATIONAL facts that let you know that you are unhappy and shouldn’t be with him, it is NOT love. It is fear. You are with him because you cannot handle the idea of being without this worthless guy. So much so that you are lashing out on the Bee at people who are trying to help you.
If you are more afraid to be without him than happy to be with him, this is a matter of codependency. Your fear is forcing you to stay and lash out and live in an unstable, unhealthy world that you are putting your son through.
You need to get out, and you need to find therapy that focuses on codependency issues so that you can pick better and establish respect boundaries for yourself in the future. You do deserve better than this guy and you CAN live without him happily, you are just in a place right now in your mind where you don’t know that yet.