(Closed) update walking away from the final ultimatum

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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stayingforthepromise :  This is something someone very wise once told me ” just because you love someone doesn’t mean they are the right person for you”. You two are clearly not the right fit, no amount of love will overcome that.

I also think you are on the right track with being by yourself, working on your independence etc. As pp pointed out your behaviour has also been unhealthy. Take the time to work on you and build your relationship skills before getting into another relationship.

Post # 62
Member
845 posts
Busy bee

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stayingforthepromise :  Stop replying to his text. You are only giving him ammunition to keep hurting you?

Post # 63
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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stayingforthepromise :  not a bad mom, just emotionally unstable . Children are better off living in a calm, stable environment and your child’s home life sounds erratic, hectic and very unstable. Until you and the father get your s*it together it would benefit the child to live with someone else in the family where there is less drama and immaturity.

Post # 64
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2021 - Dracut, Massachusetts

Stop dealing with this fucking loser guy. Take care of yourself and your son. I thought my last relationship was volitile but this takes the cake. Just get rid of him. Get yourself to therpy, you have severe self esteem issues to work on. You are taking shit with what you think you deserve. And it is NOT THIS LOSER! You deserve to be happy and to be loved by a great man that will take care of you and your precious son. It’s not this guy, give up any hope on him for the love of burritos! I know it’s hard, I know you love him, but come on, do what’s best for you and your kid. And let your parents help you. You are THEIR child still, and have THEIR grandchild. Please let them be involved and help you for your own sanity.

Post # 65
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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stayingforthepromise :  

He baits you.

You react.

It becomes an endless loop of complete madness.

You say you love your son and, presumably, want what’s best for him.  Then, STOP.  Just STOP.  Don’t be there when he comes to pick up his stuff, have a friend or family member stand in for you.

Acting crazy will NOT win custody of your son.  You’ve done a fine job thus far of creating a written record of your insanity.  You can’t undo that, but you can STOP.

He’s going to throw out any bs line he can think of to keep you from escaping.  He doesn’t mean a word of it.  If he ever wanted to marry you, he would have.

And thank gawd that never happened.  You two are horrible together.

The biggest concern here *should* be the well being of your son.

And that means *you* knock of the crazy behavior and get yourself into therapy asap.

Post # 66
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

OP just stop with the texts! Leave him be. Let him pick his belongings up. Stay with a friend or family member while he does so, and make sure someone is there to make sure he takes his stuff/doesn’t damage anything/doesn’t take your stuff. And just stop talking to him completely until things have died down. I understand you have a child and continued communication is required to some degree but you obviously cannot civilly interact with this guy so hire a mediator or some mutual friend at the very least to sort out child related matters between you. 

I tell you now, the text history of crazy messages you have sent him are NOT going to look good when it comes to court. Especially since he makes sure he doesn’t leave a documented history of all his baitings and abuse. It’s only going to make you look bad at the end.

Post # 67
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

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stayingforthepromise :  Cut off all contact! Stick to your gun! Good luck

Post # 68
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

Reading your recent update it’s clear that you’re not really listening to the advice you’re being given. STOP TALKING TO HIM! He came over to collect his stuff and you had a whole conversation with him about getting married, going to counselling and your sex-life. All you needed to say to him was ‘collect your things and leave’. That’s it.

You saying you don’t want to get married ‘right now’ makes it seem like you still see a future with him once you feel you’ve regained your independence. The truth is you’ll never regain independence if you continue to allow him to have such a presence in your life. Stop entertaining the idea of getting a marriage licence. Do you honestly think at this point that a piece of paper is going to change things or fix your relationship? Marriage doesn’t miraculously make someone love you or treat you right. How many times does he have to prove he doesn’t care about you, and how many times do people have to give you the same advice over and over before you listen?

Post # 69
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee

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calliekalico2 :  The reason I say she should, is because her OP shows she has little to no willpower when it comes to her SO. If she allows him into their place to get his stuff, I fear she won’t be able to get him out again, and if he refuses to leave once she’s let him in, she might have to call the authorities, which will escalate this. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to, that may seem to be benefiting someone you dislike in order to take care of yourself.

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