Post # 1
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
Hello bees,
its been a while since I have posted anything here. As some of you know my former fiancé broke off the engagement two months prior to our wedding date. We dated for 9 years and engaged for 6 months. I had no idea that this was going to happened. I had to return my wedding dress and let my family know. It has been a little over two months since it happened and he contacted me via email this past Monday Feeling guilty for the way things ended. For causing me so much pain. I took some time to respond. i told him that it hurt me a lot then he decided to email me again and asked if we could please meet up for coffee To talk. I accepted and now we are meeting tomorrow Friday after work. I know for a fact he does not want to get me back…and I am ok with meeting up with him for closure. I think I deserve to elbow what really happened And to know why he left. His reasonings from before we’re the fact that he just got tired of pushing me…and this for me is like blaming me for the reason why he left. Anyways I have so much thinking to do now and I am honestly really confuse as to what I want to get out of this conversation tomorrow. The way he brok. Off the engagement was via phone. We never really met up….I think I need to see him one last time…and I am also going to return the ring. I know we won’t be getting back together but I want to make sure I go tomorrow confident in myself that I don’t need him…I am sure I will have a lot of emotions…..I haven’t spoken or seen him I’m close to three months. Last time I saw him we were driving to his house and we looked so happy. For just that time. He said he was going to think things through…the next day it was over. I am terrify and scare of tomorrow. I know I will cry and it will hurt…I really need advice as how to handle all of this and what exactly I should say to him…I have a million things to say and I want him to know how much he has hurt me…I just wish he could feel bad for a longer time…it’s only a little over twomonths…not enough time…but my gut feeling tells me I need this. Now how do I prepare myself? Wmere do I begin? I don’t want to let him go off easy? He chose the place where we are going to meet…which was a restaurant we would go to…it’s all to familiar…I know I’m supposed to be mad and perhaps never tall to him again but the truth is that I do want to see him one last time…i need help on how to handle this….
Post # 3
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
@butterfly1988: i commend u for being the bigger person… I know it couldn’t b me. I hate to say it but I feel like its too soon. Situations so close especially having been such a long relationship can really hurt. Honestly r u ready to hear his reasons? I dnt think any reason will ever truly justify or bring closure. He may not show u the remorse u seek. U hav to b prepared for that and stay strong dnt let ur emotion cloud ur ability to effectively communicate. If u hav to, sit and write down a list of questions to keep u on track, so wen u start to lose to ur emotions u cn get back on track. That’s my best advice and I genuinely hope u receive the closure u deserve. Plz update us
Post # 4
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
I would organize your thoughts before you see him and get together what you want to say.
I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but despite whatever reason he gives you it won’t really bring you closure because honestly, why he did it doesn’t matter. There were probably a million little and big reasons. Breakups are complicated like that. What will bring you closure is just letting go.
When you see him say the things you need to say to him, let him say what he needs to say, and then walk away knowing that it’s for the best. You weren’t right for each other and it’s painful, but it’s okay because it means you are now able and free to find the right person for you.
*hugs*
Post # 5
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@butterfly1988: I don’t think you should go.
Tell him that if he wants to tell you anything he can do it by email.
If you meet him you will obviously get extremely emotional, and I don’t see anything you can gain from that.
Post # 6
Member
2412 posts
Buzzing bee
@butterfly1988: I’m so sorry you were hurt that way . Your amazing for being so strong and I dunno if I could meet up with my ex . Just in case, have u thought what you would do/say if he DOES ask for you back?? Just in case?! I would go prepared. I’m sure you have 1000 things to say to him tomorrow, maybe write him a letter?? Put everything you want to say in it, and say read this and don’t contact me again. It’s done. That gets it all off your chest in the open…. Unless u feel you can say it all to him face to face ! For me that would be too hard. Good luck Hun ill be thinking of u! Xox
Post # 7
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
Look good. Real good
Put on your cold bitch facade, it may help you stay strong.
Now I don’t advocate being mean…but in this case, don’t be afraid to be cold.
Post # 8
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
I totally agree with @paula1248.
I understand you want closure but I worry for you if you don’t get it from him. Then what? Honestly, if you guys dated for 9 years and were planning to get married, you deserved a lot more than a phone call from him saying it was over. That was a chicken shit move in my opinion. I personally wouldn’t go and let him make excuses and try to blame me for the breakup.
If you do go, I hope you get the closure you’re seeking. write things down so you don’t let your emotions distract you from asking what you want to know.
Post # 9
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
@Sapphire-Dreamer: +1 heck yea … Break out ur freakum dress, show a little leg. If anything it will make u more confident ( and possibly a little gasp at wat he lost)
Post # 10
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
@butterfly1988:
I think you should just be you, whatever you is. The whole sexy dress, hair, nails, makeup, and cold face just seem fake. Guys aren’t stupid. He’ll know you are really in pain and he’ll know your just faking. Being cold and mean might just make it worse. You don’t want him back if he’s going to do that to you so there’s no reason to try to make him miss you. He’s known you for at least 9 years so if your not normally like that he’s not going to take you seriously.
Post # 11
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
@paula1248: +1 exactly
You sound super emotional just in your post, it’ll be even harder with him face to face. It won’t give you closure because there won’t be any good reason which will make you feel better. If it were me, I wouldn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me and I’d just stand him up.
Post # 12
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017
@butterfly1988: This isn’t the same situation as what happened to you (I’m so, so, so sorry for what happened to you) but hopefully it will help.
My super best friend of 3 years suddenly blocked me with no warning on facebook a day before she was moving away and I was so, so hurt. No contact whatsoever after everything we’d done and seen together was such a huge betrayal and shock. Whenever I heard her name or anything that reminded me of her it stung, it hurt so much. Finally a year later she un-blocked me after apparently meeting with a mutual friend who urged her to talk to me. We met up for coffee as she was back briefly in the country. I went in thinking ‘I won’t accept a reconciliation.’ I told her how she’d made me feel, I listened to her and finally found out the reason (which was something so insignificant from my point of view) and she wanted to get back as friends and I said no. I left it like that. I wished her happiness etc etc and said goodbye. Of course I cried but I felt SO much better.
Again it isn’t the same as what happened with you but I got closure, I can hear her name without feeling pain and to be honest I hadn’t thought about her in a couple of weeks since this topic reminded me of her.
I think you should let out all your emotions and tell him how he made you feel, if you want to hear the reason/excuse taht’s fine, but walk away. Do not consider getting back with him.. the pain he’s caused you is utterly unforgivable no matter how sorry he seems to be. Don’t let him guilt you into anything. Come out on top as the strong woman you are!!
Post # 13
Member
9752 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
*big hugs* best of luck for tomorrow
Post # 14
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
@Sapphire-Dreamer: +1!!!!!!
this is sohard to do but it damn well may work if not on him, then for you. I hate people seeing me emotional and when you look confident, youll feel confident.
hugs and loves sweets…xxx be strong
Post # 15
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
I personally wouldn’t go. He ended your relationship via a phone call/text? I wouldn’t give him anything else. But that’s just me.
Seeing as you are going. Sit down and collect your thoughts. Even jot down somethings. Figure out what to say/ask before you go. Otherwise you’ll end up flustered and emotional.
Post # 16
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy
They dated for 9 years, guys! I completely understand her need for closure!
dont cry. Make sure he sees you being strong. It is hard To do this kind of thing… But I see you wish he could know how much he hurt you. I bet he does. i would tell him straight up, honey after 9 years you broke off our engagement via telephone. You destroyed any love I had for you.
make sure you have notes with you.. You will forget stuff. Also, he probably has lots to say. He probably wants to feel less guilty. Don’t know what to tell you there. I wouldn’t assuage his guilt at all. . . But I would try to come from a strong place.
Good luck
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