Post # 1
Thank you everyone for the feedback. To everyone who says I’m trolling and this is a fake post, that’s not true. I’m a guy – I usually don’t spend my time on a wedding website hence 0 posts. Here’s some more context.
My gf accidently found the engagement ring I was hiding. She woudn’t say initially what was bothering her but I could tell she was disappointed – she wants something larger than a 2 carat center stone (I think 2.5-3 carats). She has offered to pay for the difference to upgrade the diamond. I don’t think it’s right that she should pay for the upgrade, but what should I do?
We are in our 30s and been dating 5 years. She has watched all our friends get engaged before her (most of whom have been dating less than us) and has been “hurt” as she says. A good number of our friends are well off and have 3 carat plus rings. My gf does well herself $200k+/year so she can afford the upgrade. I know going into it that she is insecure although I still love her. I know the reason she wants a big ring is to show the people who made comments over the years…
Post # 3
Ah why is this post being reopened?! Didn’t you already get all the feedback you wanted?
Post # 4
I commented on the other thread…but I’ll give my 2 cents here. Aside from the “keeping up with the Joneses” challenge….which, I think can cause alot of harm (marriage is not a competition)…I’ll say:
Propose with the ring you have, let her pay the difference if she wants to upgrade, and live happily ever after. 🙂
Post # 5
Let her upgrade it herself.
Post # 6
Insecure? I’d be tempted to call her shallow. What exactly does she want to “show” them? The size of her bank statement? What would that mean? There is so much more to a relationship, to commitment, than the size of the ring. I cannot imagine anyone being disappointed in such a meaningful gift – regardless of size. I’m sorry not to be helpful but she seems SO ungrateful. I am stunned.
Post # 7
If the larger stone is an important status symbol to her and a 2.5-3 carat stone is not in your budget you’ll have to decide if it’s more important to pay for the ring yourself or more important for her to be happy with the ring she wears, ie agree that she contributes to the purchase.
You seem accepting of her reasons, however insecure or materialistic or they may be. For what it’s worth a larger diamond doesn’t mean anyone is more loved, valued, happier, or anything else. Some of the wealthiest women I know (I’m talking sports-team-owning wealthy) wear plain, simple bands. They don’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone. I admire that.
Post # 8
Sounds like your Girlfriend has some definitive thoughts on status in regards to her age and income. It’s sad that she feels the need to have a certain sized diamond to flaunt to compete with her circle.
A 2 carat diamond is significant in size and a thoughtful gift. You did good. If she must have a larger diamond I would step aside and allow her to upgrade the stone herself.
I am in my 30’s and your Girlfriend makes twice of what I make. Even so, I can’t picture wanting anything larger than my 1.7 carat.
Post # 10
[comment moderated for name calling]
Either way – let her upgrade.
Post # 11
So if she’s in a career area that has a lot of bling (lawyers, some design areas, etc), I can understand her wanting something that can compete with the expectations of her coworkers. There’s a lot of pressure in some locations and fields to have a certain size.
Post # 12
If she really wants a ring to compete with everyone and prove her value, and youre okay with marrying a human as petty as that…. by all means, let her upgrade the stone. You have nothing to feel bad about, you picked something of a very generous size, youre just marrying mariah carey apparently.
Shes a total materialistic ingrate though….just realize that youre signing up for a lifetime of dropping big bucks to compete with her peers. There are a lot of people out there who spend all their wealth (and then some) trying to appear wealthy. Its not the money you make or spend… its the money you keep that makes you rich. I see a non stop hamster wheel of designer everything, luxury cars every few years, “impressive” house, yearly luxury vacays and a 5k stroller Im sure… etc etc etc bleeding you both dry in your future. Good luck.
Post # 13
Your update changed nothing. Meh. It is pretty smarmy to judge a ring before you propose.
Post # 14
Why would you want to spend your life with someone who is so concerned about the opinions of others that she let’s it shadow such a huge milestone in your lives together? And in her defense, why is she hanging out with people who put a premium on such an outrageously expensive tiny thing? Shouldn’t she want friends who love her regardless of the size of her engagement ring? My BFF has a giant rock on her hand, it is seriously amazing. My engagement ring cost $20 and doesn’t have a stone. When I got engaged she was still totally ecstatic because she loves me! Not the size of some material thing somehow associated with the strength of my relationship .
Post # 15
Well, first of all…ask yourself what your budget was. Then, with that number in mind, ask yourself if you could have got a 3 carat that would have been good enough quality for her friends. I’m guessing the answer is no. So, I’m hoping she at least initially showed her appreciation to you for the ring other than just right away sulking about it.
If everything about the ring is fine other than just the center stone size then, yeah, I’d be hurt by her attitude. It’s one thing to have certain things in mind but another to expect beyond what your partner can provide. However, on the other hand, she didn’t expect more from you but did offer to pay for the upgrade herself.
Personally, I would find it somewhat unattractive that the only reason she has an issue is based on insecurities of what other women have. However, at the end of the day, that’s your reality. So, since she’s offering, let her upgrade it. At least, you’ll know she’ll be comfortable with the ring she is wearing. If she was expecting you to pay for it then I’d probably take the suggestion of many others and run for the hills.