(Closed) Updated: GF accidently found engagement ring and is disappointed by 2 carat size

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
149 posts
Blushing bee

She sounds like a real catch. 😒😑

Post # 17
382 posts
Helper bee

Regardless of her motivations, she is the one wearing the ring and she should be happy with it. The fact that she is offering to pay the difference is fair and concientious. If it is a financial burden for you, then it is her choice to pay. For me, I would rather the money for the extra carat go towards something else, but this is a priority for her and now you know more about the person you are going to ask to marry you. 

Post # 18
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Nothing in your updated post changes what I have already posted: Girlfriend = Goodbye Forever.  In fact it makes it more clear to me that the woman that you plan on spending the rest of your life with is pretty shitty. 

Post # 19
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Is she saying yes to marrying you or to being given the ring to show off? This would is the ring she deserves 

Post # 21
1703 posts
Bumble bee

jsmith1 :  

My husband and I are in our 40s (met in our 30s)…we both make very good money and I do have an expensive wedding set …while this is not a popular opinion on this site, I do believe an engagement ring should be somewhat consistent with other aspects of your life…TO A POINT…for example – my husband and I go out to dinner and spend $300-$400 and don’t think twice about it, so had he proposed with a $500 ring, my eyebrow would have been raised…that said, it doesn’t matter WHAT circles you run in, a 2 carat engagement ring is a SUBSTANTIAL ring…I think your girlfriend’s attitude has red flags written ALL over it. Seems like she is more concerned with a “fuck you” ring than what the ring REALLY represents…that is not a good way to start off a marriage.

Post # 22
1647 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I make the same your gf does, similar age, and my ring cost $1000. Priorities. Hers are around keeping up with the joneses and size, if you want to live with that attitude the rest of your life, then you’ve been warned.

Post # 23
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I guess it’s all relative and if people in your circle have bigger diamonds then you kind of get used to seeing larger sizes as normal, for example, I’m from the UK and since joining wedding bee where I see larger stones, I have come to want a larger stone myself, not the sizes you’re talking about, but still larger than the norm for the UK. 

If you’re earning similarly to your partner and won’t resent paying more then I would pay for the upgrade. But I’m also saying that from the standpoint that my husband and I merged our money when we moved in together. 

Also, if you need to save for a house then that obviously come first. But if you have a house and savings and are comfortable then go for it. If she’s offered to pay for the upgrade then take her at her word, especially if there’s a huge difference between your salaries. 

Post # 24
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

jsmith1 :  This post makes me sad.  Obviously you gf is a smart woman to make $200+ a year but she is so insecure with herself that she is willing to sulk about the size of the diamond bought by the man who loves her. I have no useful advice aside from if she’s like this before you even propose, it won’t get any better after the wedding. 

Post # 25
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If your girl wants a bigger ring and is offering to pay, let her chip in for it. Problem solved. I wanted a super blingy eternity band for my wedding ring and I paid for it. I work hard for the ability to have the things I want exactly how I want them and your girlfriend probably does also. I am plenty sentimental about my relationship, but not so much about the things that he buys me – including rings. 

And for those saying this is a fake post… it could be, but I actually have an acquiantance who was very unhappy when her wealthy then-fiance proposed with a 2 carat solitaire because she expected something bigger and nicer. She told anyone who would listen how unhappy she was with the size of the diamond. They did not end up getting married (for other reasons). Edit: unlike OP’s girlfriend, my acquiantance was NOT willing to pay the difference. She wanted the guy to pony up. 

Post # 26
723 posts
Busy bee

I still say the same thing, if you are ok with upgrading, and she offered to pay for the difference, I’d say do it. It is both of you decision together. Sometimes some appearance need to be kept and you choose the battle.

Post # 27
7449 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Sounds pretty shallow to me.

Post # 28
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

As I say to my 15 year old son, just because your friends have a bigger house than us, a bigger car, and a pool doesn’t mean they have more money, or are happier. Some of our friends who have the biggest houses are in up to their eyeballs in debt. They’re one paycheque away from losing it all. The collectors are calling…

So, tell your Girlfriend that the size of her diamond doesn’t mean a thing. I told my hubby that I would have married him if he’d proposed with a string ring. It’s not the ring, it’s that it represents a committment to each other. If she’s disappointed by the size of the diamond (and a 2 ct diamond at that!) I would worry that the rest of your marriage will be the same. What if your kids have a handicap? What if they aren’t genuses and don’t get great grades? Will she love them less because they don’t measure up? She sounds like she’s too worried what other people think.I’d be putting some serious thought into marrying someone who’s disappointed in a 2ct ring. You’re in for a long marriage full of disappointment.

Post # 29
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

jsmith1 :  Can you still return it or trade it in?  If you’re in love with her and plan to marry her, you may want to upgrade her ring yourself and suprise her.  If you can’t afford it, then let her pay for it–at least for now.  If she makes sacrifices to make you happy, think about doing the same.   The women telling you to leave her probably don’t make over 200k annually.   Also, many of the women on here have (in one way or another) financed at least a portion of their own ring.  

It was awkward for me to tell my fiance what I wanted; he didn’t have an issue with the cost but originally wanted me to have something smaller because he didn’t want his marketing partners to even remotely know how much money he makes working with them.  It’s not the most romantic thing in the world, but he asked me to look around, so I made him a spreadsheet with the diamonds, their specs, cost and the link to the site to purchase them.  They varied from 2 carats to just under 5 and he ended up buying me the one I wanted at 4.72 carats.  I compromised on the color (H) and clarity (VVS2) to have comparable costs on the larger stones.  

Like your fiance,  I could have bought my ring myself— and if I were unhappy and knew it was an option he would be ok with, I most certainly would have.


You can

1.  Keep the ring you bought (which tells her what many of the other ladies said on your previous post—that she is ungrateful and has no right to complain)

2.  You can have her pay for the upgrade.

3.  Not mention it to her and upgrade it to what she would like before proposing.  

Post # 30
2755 posts
Sugar bee

I’d upgrade my girlfriend if I were in your shoes.  Do you want to spend the rest of your life keeping up with others in jewelry, cars, vacations, homes?  Cause that’s where you are headed if you hook up with this ingrate.

The topic ‘Updated: GF accidently found engagement ring and is disappointed by 2 carat size’ is closed to new replies.

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