(Closed) Updated: GF accidently found engagement ring and is disappointed by 2 carat size

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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hintsofjoy :  As a lawyer and one that has a lot of acquaintances that make good money, I have to completely disagree with you.  I’m super happy with my 2 carat ring and would never imagine making Darling Husband feel bad about it or asking to upgrade it, and yes, I also know people that have 3 plus carat rings, and I got engaged when I was 30 after 10 years of dating and never felt any desire to do anything of the things that OP’s girlfriend is doing or saying.  Also, 2 carat is a very nice size in my area.  This is coming from a lawyer that lives in Manhattan. 

Post # 32
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

If she wants a bigger diamond and she is willing to pay the upgrade price, I guess I don’t see the big deal?  

Sounds like you two probably never had a discussion about enagement rings (carat size, cut, gold vs platinum, etc), before you went ring shopping.  

Post # 33
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee

JFC just let her pay the difference, she (presumably) works hard to make a lot of money and she has in mind the kind of ring she wants. It seems extravagant to me, but she’s the one who will be wearing it. It’d be materialistic if she was like “I’m not gonna marry you unless it’s bigger” or “omg I wanted a bigger ring, save up and pay for it all yourself”, but I don’t see what’s unreasonable about a woman in her 30’s making 200k wanting to pay so she can have the ring she wants. ffs yall

Post # 34
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I honestly feel like I need to take a shower after reading this.

When there is so much suffering, and so much abject poverty across our world, reading shit like this makes me pretty disgusted.

My amazing husband to be could have proposed with a piece of string and it wouldn’t have mattered. The love needs to be the foundation of all of this, and honestly I would question that.

Does it matter to you? Are you that type of person? If not, then compatibility will be an issue. 

Ok, time to shower….

Post # 35
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

If you have no debt and lots of money to spare, sure, go ahead and splurge.  If you or she has $100k of student loan debt plus more credit card debt and you’ll be taking on mortgage debt, no.   It doesn’t matter who is “paying” for the ring upfront – the cost of the ring is the amount you two will not have for other things, like debt.

Most important here, though, is she will be insecure like this her whole life.  Make sure her insecurities don’t lead to massive debt for houses, private schools for the kids, luxury cars and more jewelry.  This will always come up in the future, so be prepared.   I make more than your girlfriend does annually, and will tell you, no amount of money is enough if her main goal in life is to keep up with what other people buy.

Post # 36
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

LOL I make 32k a year. This post makes me laugh.

If someone is already unhappy before the proposal imagine the rest of your life together. No thanks.

Post # 37
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t think it matters how much money she makes, an engagement ring is supposed to be bought by the person proposing. I don’t understand how she thinks it is appropriate to pay for her own ring, or even just the upgrade. In my opinion, that is so tacky! She seems very materialistic and into her image. I am sure you don’t watch the MTV show “Teen Mom” since you’re a dude, but Farrah bought her own $200K engagement ring, hid it, and demanded her boyfriend not only propose to her with that ring but pay her back. He essentially said no way, that is not how things are done in my family. I think it is the TACKIEST thing ever to dictate what someone proposes to you with. Proposing isn’t about a huge diamond, it is about a public display of your love and willingness to commit your life to this person. 

To put it in perspective, I make a lot more what my husband does (about double) but I never once expected him to get me a ring out of his price range or ask that I chip in. Buying a ring was something he wanted to do, on his own, with the funds he had available. Later on in life we may upgrade the diamond, but that will be 10-20 years down the road if we have the financial stability. Can’t you suggest that to her? Propose now with something you can afford, get married, and one you’re MARRIED officially and have a “combined income” down the road, you can upgrade then. You aren’t even married yet, and it seems like she is throwing her high income in your face. Seems like a great indication of how marriage will be!

Post # 38
Member
1862 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Can someone link the original post? I can’t find it! Based on just this one though just let her upgrade it herself if she can afford it. 

Post # 39
Member
723 posts
Busy bee

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thumperbear :  It seems to be deleted  but it is exactly the same as the first post of this thread, minus info of the GF’s yearly income.

Post # 40
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

My Fiance has a very good job, earns a good wage and we live very comfortably. I have a half carat equivalent topaz engagement ring which we both picked and I could not be happier with.

I don’t care what anyone earns it’s the sentiment behind a ring that is important. I couldn’t dream of asking the man I love, the man who gave me a ring because it symbolises that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, for a bigger ring because 2ct isn’t big enough.

Post # 41
Member
9397 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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breatheandrelax :  +1! I’m a lawyer in the Bay Area and I often feel like my 2 carat ring is too flashy and wish I had something smaller. The rainmaker partners I work with don’t even wear giant rings.

Post # 42
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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breatheandrelax :  Agreed.

Salary and occupation have nothing to do with it. The problem is her social circle and herself if she feels like she needs a big diamond to impress her peers. Most of my friends are in the 1% and the average diamond size is probably 1-2 carats. Even then, there’s no emphasis on diamond size as a status symbol or keeping up with the Joneses. Some of the women don’t even wear their nice e-rings anymore and stick with their simpler wedding band.

What the Bees are saying is that the issue isn’t simply whether you should let her pay for an upgrade. The fact that she cares so much about having like a 3 carat, is indicative of how she will be in your marriage. Regardless of how much she makes or the both of you make together, will you be ok with always spending more to retain a certain lifestyle and image? Your financial goals and expectations may not be aligned.

Post # 43
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee

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breatheandrelax :  Understood, and I by no means meant any offense. I’d edit my post, but I can’t, so I’ll just say that I was wrong and I’m sorry! 

Post # 44
Member
1702 posts
Bumble bee

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jsmith1 :  

Also, what kind of “friends” do you guys hang out with that the size on someone else’s ring matters?!?!  

 

Post # 45
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I don’t understand why the girl can’t just upgrade the ring herself and be done with it.  What is the problem with this?  If she got the money, do it already.  This is not difficult, it’s simple.  There is no issue.

This may be a stupid question but…  Why was the original post deleted?

The topic ‘Updated: GF accidently found engagement ring and is disappointed by 2 carat size’ is closed to new replies.

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