(Closed) Updated: GF accidently found engagement ring and is disappointed by 2 carat size

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 46
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

“Accidentally” leave her.  Drive away and never come back.  Like forever.

Post # 47
133 posts
Blushing bee

I’m still a student so I’m not speaking from a position of money.

But I actually disagree with a lot of these comments. Everyone is entitled to have things that are important to them. If for her, a large diamond is important, why does she need to get bashed on for that? Similarly, some girls like princess cut or emerald cut. We all have our own preferences.

He says his gf makes $200k a year. That’s a lot higher than what the average person makes. Her lifestyle, friends, and social expectations of her may be completely different than the average person. And if she wants her diamond ring to reflect that, I don’t think that makes her a bad person. 

There’s a reason why many people upgrade their rings later on in life, one of them being that they can do so because they’re in a better financial position. She’s just in a better financial position currently to want an upgrade right away, I suppose. 

I do agree the way she went about it is quite rude. She shouldn’t have demanded a bigger ring before you even used it to propose. But if she’s willing to pay the difference and not forcing you to get it, then I don’t see anything wrong with that. 


Post # 48
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

This whole post reminds me of some wisdom I read when I joined the Bee which said: ‘modesty and being humble is always tasteful.’ Unfortunately I cannot remember who said it. 

Post # 49
4637 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
jsmith1 :  for someone who professes to not spending time on wedding forums you seem to be proficient in the weddingbee way. You use the Girlfriend abbreviation, you knew that you could and how to close a thread, you also used the term UPDATE in this new thread which is common on here.

[comment moderated for name calling and personal attack]


Post # 50
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
jsmith1 :  I know the reason she wants a big ring is to show the people who made comments over the years…

My guy…no amount of diamond is going to unring that bell, and it’s a really sad reason to make changes to her enagement ring. Her insecurity is only going to get worse when her attempts to show off don’t garner validation and don’t change how she feels about herself. She doesn’t need to be the most confident woman on earth to be ready for marriage, but she’s already choosing to sink money into luxuries in an attempt to climb some bullshit social ladder. I really think she needs counseling, because the kind of life where you constantly chase approval totally sucks. 

Post # 51
12838 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Personally I think her attitude is incredibly crass and insulting.  If she wants to go out and buy herself a ring, then it won’t be from you. Kind of defeats the purpose in my mind, anyway.

While I understand that she’s been frustrated by the “wait”  one thing really has nothing to do with the other. 

Post # 52
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
faerie1984 :  I said the same thing – my hubby could have proposed with a piece of string – i was just so in love, I didn’t care.  We’ve been together now for 25 years and 4 months – so obviously a strong marriage. If this woman is only interested in diamond size, my guess is she wont be married long

Post # 53
220 posts
Helper bee

Eh, if she’s willing to pay for the upgrade- let her. Your relationship, do what you two want.

Post # 54
1605 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
jsmith1 :  wow, 2 carats?! I’m sorry but she sounds a bit like a brat here. Two carats is not small by any means. Where I live my 0.5 heart shape is considered big and my 1.5 Amora gem was at one point called a ‘beast’! Not joking! 

I think it’s ridiculous that she is bothered by a 2 carat stone. It must have cost you a fortune and you have obviously put a lot of effort in already. If she wants bigger let her pay for it and sort it out but personally if I was in your shoes I would be hurt and disappointed with her reaction. She could have handled it better and has made it more about a social status than something about you guys. 

Post # 55
154 posts
Blushing bee

I disagree with most of these comments as well. Her colleagues sound really toxic so I can’t blame her for feeling a little insecure over the years. She makes $200K so it doesn’t sound very smart to leave whatever company she works for, even if the environment is toxic. We all have our battles and are insecure about something. It’s just that when it’s about material things all of a sudden someone is materialistic. or shallow I say let her upgrade the ring and get counselling. Just the same as you would stick by her side if she was overweight or insecure about her looks, stick by these insecurities if you love her and try to help her overcome them. Being in a high-paying job adds on a lot of pressure and living up to the status quo. These traps are hard to overcome so I’m not going to judge her. And making $200k with no kids I would want a big ass ring too sealed

Post # 56
1272 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, 2 carats. I didn’t even feel comfortable wearing 1 carat in the jewelry store.

Is your Girlfriend normally so materialistic or is this just about the ring? If she is not normally like this (shallow and insecure), I would cut her some slack and let this be “her thing”. Besides, she is going to be wearing the ring her whole life (hopefully) and if she’d rather look down and see 3 carats instead of 2, and she is willing to pay for it, I would let her. It doesn’t diminish the value or the sentiment of what you’re doing, it is just something that makes her happier.

However, if she is frequently of this mind set and you decided to go through with getting engaged and one day married… you may find your life becoming a great deal more expensive, and I wish you luck with your shallow gal.

[comment moderated for name calling]


Post # 57
2763 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Meh, if you’re going to pool your finances later after the wedding I don’t see the problem with her chipping in to get her dream ring.

I have a feeling the responses would’ve been different if you had said ‘she wants to chip in and upgrade from a .5 to a .9 center stone…’

Post # 58
1287 posts
Bumble bee

If your girlfriend has the money, then why not?  I think she went about it all wrong thought as I think it was rude for her to bring this up before you even proposed.  She must be insecure if she wants to upgrade an already large diamond just for the sake of shutting people up.  That’s pretty sad.  But if it makes both of you happy, who are we to judge?

Post # 60
6814 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
Speck_ :  +1- I always so appreciate the things you say. They’re both funny and insightful.

OP- I wouldn’t think your girlfriend contributing to upgrade her ring would be that big an issue but the fact that she’s feeling like 2 carats isn’t enough and she’s wanting to upgrade because she wants to prove something to someone other than you or her (with an object that is symbolic of your invitation to spend your lives together) is a bright red flapping flag.

The topic ‘Updated: GF accidently found engagement ring and is disappointed by 2 carat size’ is closed to new replies.

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