(Closed) Updated: GF accidently found engagement ring and is disappointed by 2 carat size

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 61
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it’s an issue to sort out between yourselves. It’s only living here in the US that I have been made more aware of the ‘size’ thing. In the UK 2cts is bloody massive. Here in LA it is more modest.

Tbh though if it’s a status symbol for her fine let her pay, but size of stone is no judge of wealth. For 1. No one knows if her bigger stone is as high quality or not. I have a 2ct and because it’s such high quality it’s more expensive than most 3 and even 4ct stones but I don’t go around telling my friends that. Also 2. Some of the richest people I know (talking multi millionaire to billionaire rich) don’t flaunt it with massive diamonds, some do granted but a lot don’t.

Maybe it’s not a status thing maybe she just wants to look at a huge rock. Anyway it is something you both need to discuss between yourselves and if you are unhappy you should tell her.

 

Post # 62
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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jsmith1 :  Sounds like you’re the one who needs the upgrade. Yuck.

Post # 63
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

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jsmith1 :  She is an entitled asshole. Just know that this will be the first of many things you do for her that will not be good enough.

Post # 64
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2017

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jsmith1 :  I’m new here, so I am unsure about any previous topics, but my advice to you would be to ask yourself if you want to be with such a materialist women for the rest of your life. If 2 ct. isn’t good enough for her now (something that you purchased and were proud of) what makes you think you will be good enough for her in a year? Salary has nothing to do with appreciating the love and thought you put into the ring you picked out. If I were you, I would be very very hurt. The finer things in life are great, but you can’t buy her love. 

Post # 65
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

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kaotoo3391 :  Your assumptions are a bit off and I meet both of your criteria. Actually to be honest, flying first class is “slumming it” for me and I still believe that his Girlfriend is shallow. The women I know who have substantial wealth and class, aren’t concerned with the carat size of their engagement ring.

Post # 66
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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Schmashley :  I said the women telling him to leave her over a preference that she offered to pay for in order to obtain ‘probably’ don’t make over 200k.  Statistically speaking, it is an accurate statement and not an incorrect assumption.  I also said many of the women on here contributed to their ring financially.  I didn’t say all or most, I said many…there are posts on here which substantiate that statement as a fact.   Before you tell someone else they are wrong, you should make sure you’re right.

Post # 67
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I was told you should get a carat for every year you’ve been dating so I think she’s being pretty generous only wanting 3 carats when you ought to give her 5 carats. 

Just kidding. But really if she wants to contribute to a bigger stone let her, what’s the harm. She wants to show it off and she’ll never look at it thinking it’s too small. You picked the design didn’t you so all it is is a different size stone, no big deal. Better to sort it out now than the actual proposal getting clouded with disappointment over the ring. 

Post # 68
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee

I’m probably coming at this from a different perspective, but…

If I were your Girlfriend, my issue would be the fact that I wasn’t getting to contribute financially to the ring in the first place.  Not the size, not the dating five years thing, not the “comments” from people.  I’m just completely on the other side of the fence when it comes to the whole “who buys the ring” argument.  I think that engagement rings, wedding bands, and all of those things should be joint purchases, and should also be jointly discussed and settled on.  I’m not big on the “it’s a surprise” and “guy gets the girl a ring” idea.  The whole thing just makes me squeamish.

Post # 69
Member
2339 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think the sizes we are talking about should be largely irrelevant but her attitude about it is everything. If she acknowledged that the ring she found is gorgeous and an incredibly generous gift, but confessed that for various reasons her dream ring is different (in this instance bigger) and immediately offered to pay the difference, then I don’t think she is a monster and while I can understand the OP being disappointed his purchase wasn’t her dream, I’d go along with it. It is something she will probably wear everyday for the rest of her life and he/she can afford it between them. 

If her reaction was disappointment in him, rather than the ring, and petulant in anyway, then that would be really off-putting.  

Perhaps in the near future, they will purchase a house together, if his preferences are for a larger more expensive house (they can afford) than she would be happy with, – because he’s seen and loved larger houses their friends have bought, should she leave him because he’s materialistic? After all nobody needs more bathrooms than bedrooms, walk-in closets, separate untility rooms etc.  

Yes the ring is traditionally a gift, but these days it’s a joint purchase for many, it means different things for different couples. This woman isn’t leaching off her fiancé in life, she just wants her engagement ring to look a certain way and is happy to help pay for it. Perhaps she doesn’t imbue it with the the sort of sacred, symbolic value that other engaged women do, it doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t love and honour her fiancé as much as them.

Post # 70
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee

Return the ring you purchased. Propose with a solid gold band, you can even have something sweet engraved in it. The after the excitement have a conversation about budget and go ring shopping together.  Everyone’s happy. 

Post # 71
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee

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cmsgirl :  I’m not trying to decide whether this is real or not. Those terms and functions are typical of any forum, not just a wedding forums. There are forums, lots of them, outside of Weddingbee. Girlfriend is a term used IRL too. 

Post # 72
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee

I make more that your girlfriend, as does my husband. My diamond is 1.5. He could have bought a bigger ring no problem, but thats not the point.

And I think your girlfriend is missing the point. She wants a big ring so she can shove it into other peoples faces, as you made clear when you said “I know the reason she wants a big ring is to show the people who made comments over the years…”
Do you realize how messed up that is? She is using a symbol of your love for her as a way to put people in their place.

 

Post # 73
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t really see how this is any different from any other post where someone says that they love their Fiance, the ring is nice, but they had something else in mind and will always be a little upset that their ring isn’t what they pictured…OR, better yet, the scores of bees who went ring shopping with their man to pick out the exact ring they’ll get proposed to with. The response to the first bee is always that she should tell her Fiance and they should go shopping together to find a ring that suits her better (and maybe that she should offer to pay the price difference if there is one). 

So why is everyone mad? Because she wants and can afford a bigger rock than many of us can? If she knows what she wants, AND she’s offering to chip in to make that a reality I don’t see the problem.

Post # 74
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee

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Schmashley :  If flying first class is slumming, do you charter a plane when you want to go somewhere? Have your own plane?  I’m impressed.

Post # 75
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

I understand why people are saying leave, BUT she offered to pay the difference and if her colleague environment is pressuring her to keep up the appearances I think the size of her choice may be important. In some professions/jobs you are expeccted to look the part. However, this may be the tip of the iceberg of keeping up with the Jones. Are you going to live the rest of your life trying to impress others?

The topic ‘Updated: GF accidently found engagement ring and is disappointed by 2 carat size’ is closed to new replies.

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