(Closed) UPDATE:FI`S parents & sister may be coming to live with us HELP

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

What are their plans for 6 months down the road? And with happened with them living with FMIL’s sister? Maybe if they really do need 6 months they could split that between the two houses.

With the moves next week is there any way you can casual bring it up like “We have been so busy packing our boxes getting ready for the move, are you guys ready for your move” and see where it goes from there?

Post # 5
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

this is going to be a tough love post.

STOP being so wishy washy!  its ok to not want to live with your IL’s and changing the message from one day to the next only makes you and your Fiance look stupid and easy to manipulate

who cares if they think renting is a waste of money – you dont owe them free room and board for 6mths

you were stupid enough to phone them and say they can stay after your Fiance told them no so if they do end up living with you then you only have yourself to blame. time to get a backbone and stick to your decisions, its ok to say no to people that are expecting far more from you that you are prepared to give

Post # 7
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!

HELL NO! lol…  stand your ground on this one!!!

Post # 8
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@worried05:  no, you are NOT being selfish. they have the means to afford renting without imposing on a newly married couple that are just staring their lives together – be strong and be a united front.  saying no doesnt mean you dont love or respect your inlaws – its ok to put your feelings first

Post # 10
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@worried05:  You are absolutely not being selfish for not wanting your inlaws to live with you for six whole months – especially when you’re newly married and just got a house of your own. If anything, i’d say it’s your inlaws who are being selfish. Nobody likes renting … but sometimes you’ve just got to do it! 

Post # 11
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you can stand to live them! I have best friends and if we lived together, we’d probably end up strangling each other, lol.

perhaps compromise, tell them they can store stuff in your basement and then don’t have to rent such a big place. but living with them will be stressfull, no doubt, and if you can avoid it, by all means!

Post # 12
1994 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I know this is going to be a very unpopular opinion, but I think OP is being very selfish.  I would be pissed if my SO/FI/DH had a problem with my parents moving in with us temporarily.  My parents have done so much for us that it would be plain old ridiculous to let them down when they are in a tough position.  I don’t think it really matters whether they “irresponsibly” sold the house or not.  They are not kids who need to be repremanded or need to learn a lesson.  They just need a little help from the kid that they raised and the woman who supposedly wants to be part of the family.  Families help each other out, PERIOD. OP has a year until her wedding, so I’m not buying the argument about starting off “on their own” as a married couple.  By the time they’re married the ILs should be gone anyway.  Besides its not like they have not lived together before.  Furthermore, they let OP’s mom put them up for a year and a half.  We’re they irresponsible moochers at that point?

And if OP has a problem with Future Mother-In-Law cooking and cleaning, then she should tell her so.  Lay down some ground rules it is her house.  And if OP has a problem with Future Sister-In-Law, then don’t let her move in.  Why is the Future Sister-In-Law and the parents a packaged deal anyway? She’s 25! I also really hate how PPs are trying to make the Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law to be users or people who are trying to take advantage of the couple.  They’ve offered to pay money and contribute to chores.  This in no way implies that they want a free ride. 

Post # 13
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

they should be renting it is their own problem for leaving their home nd being misplaced for 6 months. I think they are all being selfish not you. That is not right.

Post # 14
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I’m a bit torn now…because the advice that I want to give you is that you are an adult and that you should just talk it through with them etc etc

But that’s not what I would do in your situation, because I am a huge wuss. In fact, my mother has previously made noises indicating that she is thinking of coming and living very close to us. And I, er… didn’t tell her no… because I didn’t have the courage and didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

My Mum is allergic to cats and dogs. I love them. Fiance likes them, but is sort of indifferent. I argued that getting an animal would mean that she wouldn’t be able to stay over. It wasn’t the only factor in deciding to get an animal… but it was one of them!

Do they have any deal breakers that they really couldn’t live with? It’s really passive aggressive, and not what an adult should really do, but the conversation could go something like this:

You: “Er… I have to say that I’m sorry about your living situation, and I wouldn’t mind your staying with us in normal circumstances… but you might have picked up a negative vibe from us about staying. It’s not that we don’t want you, it’s just that we decided to get a Newfoundland dog.”

Father-In-Law: “A dog…(?)”

You: We picked him out at the pound, and he’ll be destroyed if we can’t have him. We had our heart set on him… but we know that you can’t stand dogs… and we really love him etc etc

Obviously this only works if you are actually planning to get a dog. But perhaps you could apply it to similar scenarios?

… and now I feel like a terrible manipulative person… but at least I’m a terrible manipulative person with a nice pet animal… Tongue Out

Post # 16
8435 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@SincerelyShe:  Im with you even given the extra hostory.

OP this is family and family is supposed to support each other and the fact that your Fiance chose to stay where he was to attend the high school and job he was currently in when they moved was his choice (as I assume there were high schools and jobs where the FIL’s moved to). I am sure it hurt them as well that he prioritised staying at his current location rather than staying with family.

Also you and your Fiance stayed with your mum for a year and I am assuming she happily open her house to help you. I find it kind of hypocritical that you would accept the same sort of help from family but deny it to others!

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