- 7 years ago
- Wedding: February 2012
Some of you may have read my other post a couple of days ago… if not, then this thread may just sound out of no where. Not sure how to link the two.. but just needed to get it all off my chest..
So… after our talk a few nights ago, I was feeling a lot better about our situation. I read through every comment you all posted and my Fiance and I talked at length about improving our relationship. Well, yesterday my Fiance gets home from work a couple of minutes before me. When I get there the first thing he says is, “ you can go to the store now.. I am going to take a bath” to which I reply “ I will go a little later and let traffic die down” ( I told him previously that I would just go straight from work to the store but he asked that I come home and switch out vehicles)So he goes to take a bath, I go in the room and change out of my work clothes, pick up a few things off of the floor, then go in the bathroom and ask him how his day was, how he was feeling, etc… He gets out and goes into the living room to watch the Charlie Sheen roast thing he recorded. So, I stay in the room and finish straightening up for a few more minutes, then go into the living room and watch the end of it with him and our roommate. After it is over, I ask if he is hungry yet …”no”… so I ask him if he wants to watch a movie. He says yes and then gets up immediately and walks into the bedroom to watch it. So we watch some indie movie that was ok.. and we are kind of cuddling, kind of not. He is still programming his new phone. So, when the movie is over I start to kiss him on the mouth, then on the neck some and start to pull his shirt off. He says “ no, don’t… I’m comfortable” so I stop for a minute and we keep kissing a little ( he really wasn’t into it) and then he says “Can I watch baseball now?”… which I reply ( trying to be cute) “ in a minute” and start to work my way “down there” to which he yells STOP. So I do… I sit up, finish watching the credits roll through on the movie, delete it from the Netflix queue. He starts scratching my back and we sit there silent for a minute or two. I then hand him the remote and tell him he can watch the game.
He then gets up, puts on his shoes and grabs his keys and says he is going for a drive. I immediately start to get a little hysterical, I admit.. because I know where this is ultimately going. So, he leaves and about 3 minutes later I get a text that says, “ we need to talk”.. then he says “call me” so I do. The first thing he says is “ I have to say this and get it off of my chest…. It is going to hurt your feelings but if we need to move forward then you need to know it. ____, you are smothering the f*** out of me. I don’t have ANY privacy anymore… I don’t have any alone time. You follow me from one room to another, you watch me while I bathe, you have to be sitting next to me/touching me all the time. I am not your f****** sex slave… you were pouting earlier and it was like 7:30 and you wanted to have sex!” Okkkkk… then he keeps going “ You sleep in the middle of the freaking bed! I HAVE to cuddle with you to keep from falling off…you’re sucking the life out of me!”
So now I am crying in the other end of the line… don’t what to say. He hangs up and then calls me about 3 minutes later to say “ grab my wallet, watch and meet in outside in 5”. So I meet him and he tells me to get in the truck. We drive in silence for about 10 minutes to the gas station, and he gets out with out a word and goes in to buy something and comes back. We drive again and I finally ask where we are going. He says “to ____’s house”, I ask him if we are ok, he says he doesn’t know. Then starts in on me again “ you don’t even care about me” ( which is the total opposite of the truth), “ you are so insecure… if you don’t watch out you’re going to push me away.. you’re about to lose me…”. I try to tell him over and over again that it is not true, that I do love and care about him. He says he KNOWS he can be hard to handle sometimes… I am still crying when we get to our friends house. I ask him to wait in the truck with me for a minute while I collect myself. He says “No”, starts to get out, I ask please, he says “no” again then slams the door. I get super pissed and hit the side of the door with my fist. He hears it and turns around and comes back and say for me to give him the ring… which I won’t. He says, “Fine… f*** you, ____” and goes into the house. I wait about 10 minutes then walk in. 3 of our friends are there and everyone is acting like it isn’t weird as hell. My Fiance walks outside for a minute and my friend “H” asks me what the hell is wrong.. I tell him the short version and he goes outside to talk to him. Fiance and H come back in and Fiance is being nice, social and all.. not really looking at me but still being nice. We stay for a few hours and by the end of it Fiance was back talking to me again. We locked eyes a few times and smiled at each other. We get in the truck to go home and are talking like nothing happened earlier.
We go home, he offers to get me food ( I never did eat dinner, he did) and I decline. We start to watch a little TV but then he turns it off, rolls over to me, puts his arm around me and goes to sleep. I hardly slept all night, trying very hard to stay on “my side” of the bed, to which every time I would move closer to the wall he would just reach his arm over and put it around me and went like this all night… on and off. I kept replaying it all in my head… all while he is over there snoring. I wake up ,get ready and tell him bye like always. He sort of wakes up, takes my hand tell me he loves me and then goes back to sleep.
Now, here I am at work and I don’t know WHAT I am feeling right now. I mean, is our “fight” over? I asked him right before we went to bed if we were cool and he said , “yes”. I suspect that sometime today or tomorrow when we have both calmed down he will bring it up… but right now I just want to leave for the weekend and clear my head. I call these moods his “war days”… it is where he has his sights set on someone and they are his target. No matter what you say, how you say it, or what you do… there is no winning until he is calm and rational.
I just feel so emotionally exhausted right now… like thinking is taking too much out of me. I cried on the way here this morning and I don’t even know what I am crying for! PS- I HATE that I cry when I get upset.. I almost wish I could just get mad like he does, he sees crying as the “victim syndrome”.