- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2015
Hi Bees! (Skip to the bolded part for just the bare bones)
Maybe a few of you remember me, if not, you can look at the last thread I posted back in May when my SO and I went through a really rough time in our relationship.
Basically, we almost broke up. He made some choices that really hurt me, and I (understandably IMO) freaked out on him. Since my last update on that particular thread, I’ve been postly lightly and sporadically on the Hive for the last month or so.
We have been working on our communication and our relationship has been better than ever. Yes, there are still quite of few kinks – no relationship is perfect – but we’ve both decided that this relationship is what we want for the rest of our lives, and any relationship worth having will take effort and patience.
Anyways, since the “break” in May, I haven’t really brought up engagement/marriage all that much (except for making sure that he does, in fact, want to marry me – if not, our relationship would have ended after our break was over). Before the break, I had been pretty much constantly hounding him about moving in/getting engaged because I thought that would “fix” our issues at the time – obviously, this was not the right attitude on my part lol.
He moved in with me in mid-August, of his own accord. I didn’t pressure him at all, if anything I asked him multiple times if he was sure and if he felt that he wasn’t ready yet that was totally OK with me, etc etc. A couple more bumps in the road occurred, as we were getting acclimated to living together but now we’ve established a good routine that is satisfying for both of us (i.e. without me feeling neglected and without him feeling trapped).
Skip to the present. My birthday is on Tuesday. I told him months ago that I don’t care about him spending money, I just want something that’s thoughtful. So a romantic picnic in a park, or going to the Griffith Observatory to see the star show, just something that shows he cares and he’s put some time and effort into this. He’s previously said that “If everything goes right, this will be a birthday that you’ll never forget!” Of course, this got me to thinking that he could propose. I started obsessing over wedding things again (it’s a main reason why I started posting here again :/) and I was basically setting myself up for a disappointment if he didn’t propose. I didn’t want to be sad when he went through all the effort that I asked of him just because I didn’t get a stupid ring! So, I focused on not getting engaged at all and just enjoying our relationship in the NOW like I was before.
Now our current issue: We are both in college, we both work as well but SO gets financial aid every quarter that’s more of our “fun” money. The money we get from working generally goes to bills every month. This year, he’s had a bunch of trouble with his financial aid. We just found out it basically stems from the fact that he’s 24 now and considered “independent” and that he had made a bunch more money in 2012 than he has this year (he was unemployed and focusing on school up until early September).
We were on the phone with his financial aid office all day Friday, and basically not only does he qualify for less aid since he’s 24, this is his LAST year of any financial aid at all. There is a max of 6 years receiving aid (we’ve been in school a long time), and he spent the first 5 at a junior college. During his JC years, his mom told him that they weren’t going to apply for aid so that he wouldn’t have this problem in the future. She lied. She had applied for aid EVERY YEAR and kept the money for herself. That’s upwards of $14,000 she stole from my SO. He was shell shocked.
I was obviously shocked as well, I couldn’t believe someone would steal money from their own child like that, but apparently this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this (stories for another time, perhaps). Then, he says the worst part…that he was planning on paying off my ring with that extra money. It was supposed to come in at the beginning of October, now he doesn’t even know what amount – if any – that he’ll get or when he’ll get it.
I start freaking out on the inside. Like SERIOUSLY? I’ve been so good! I even said that to him lol. That I’ve been so good, and it was so close, and now it’s not going to happen and it’s not even my fault. So we started discussing my helping out with the ring. We had discussed this previously, but he was adamant about paying for it himself. Now, he’s a little more open to the idea. I took his slight interest as the green light to basically push my check book on him and say “Here! Take it! Deposit it with your phone! The sooner you deposit it, the sooner we can order!” He laughed and said we’d talk about it more when he gets home tonight after work.
Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I don’t want me pushing to be the reason he gets the ring right this instant. I’ve tried that before and all it did was push him away. If he’s still not ready, that’s ok. So I was going to bring it up to him tonight, that he can have the check still if he wants it. But he can choose to hold on to it until a later date, or cash it now and buy the ring later so it can still be a surprise, or just not take the check at all and I’ll wait. My question is: do you think I should say all that? Or should I let it be and not bring it up at all anymore? I feel so bipolar about this certain subject because obviously I want him to propose right away so we start planning our future together (i.e. I won’t feel bad bringing it up all the time lol), but then I don’t want to push him too far, too fast. UGH I just don’t know.
QUICK AND DIRTY: SO’s mom stole his financial aid in previous years, the financial aid that he was going to use to pay off my ring this quarter. I offered pretty aggressively to pay for it – in a funny way, joking about all the perks of a fiance and then eventually a wife lol – he hestitantly accepted but I’m worried about the hesitation. I’ve been thinking that I’ll bring up tonight that he can take the money or not take the money, it’s up to him, but maybe I should just leave it alone and not talk about it at all anymore? HELP ME BEES!