(Closed) upgrading e-ring before wedding? long story but I need advice…

posted 7 years ago in Rings
  • poll: What would you do?
    No upgrade - keep your current e-ring : (10 votes)
    13 %
    Upgrade before wedding with a new Bridal Set : (48 votes)
    64 %
    Upgrade after the wedding for an anniversary : (10 votes)
    13 %
    Don't say anything and hope he buys a new ring : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Just buy a really nice wedding band : (4 votes)
    5 %
    You're a spoiled brat : (2 votes)
    3 %

    75 votes

    ( vote now )

    • Post # 1
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I got engaged a few months ago and Fiance kind of “rushed” into buying me an e-ring. After an almost decade long relationship – I reached the point that I was tired of waiting, was convinced he didn’t want to marry me, and I was ready to cut my losses and move on (I’m almost 30!).

    Anyways, Fiance was in between jobs at the time and basically took whatever money he had on hand and bought this ring for me:

    http://www.overstock.com/Jewelry-Watches/Miadora-10k-Gold-1-3ct-TDW-Baguette-cut-Diamond-Halo-Ring-H-I-I1-I2/4348281/product.html

    The proposal kind of just “happened” after I found the ring in our house. I later found out that Fiance had an elaborate plan to propose the following month. When I found out his plan, I was totally bummed out. The sweet proposal I had always dreamed was now just a never-going-to-happen fantasy in my mind. However, I love my Fiance more than anything in the world and I love that he bought me whatever he could afford because he wanted me to be his WIFE 🙂 🙂 🙂 At the same time, I did feel a pang of disappointment because we had been discussing marriage for a very long time (around 3 years) and in that time he couldn’t manage to save up any money to buy me a proper ring.

    Well I got over the proposal, moved on with my life, and started planning our wedding!!

    We talked about eventually upgrading the ring, but I have mixed feelings about it:

    1. I would love a bigger/nicer ring but this is the one my Fiance gave to me when he asked me to be his wife. 

    2. I love my ring, but at the same time it reminds me of a confusing and difficult time in our relationship and sometimes I wonder if my Fiance felt pressured to propose to me. 

    3. I don’t think it makes sense to get a new “engagement” ring once you’re married. 

    We’ve since dropped all ring talk and I immersed myself 150% into wedding planning. 

    Well last night I was looking at wedding bands online and Fiance asked me if he should buy me a whole new bridal set all together before we get married. I kind of scoffed at him and said “I would rather put that money towards the wedding.” and that was the end of that. 

    BUT then… it got me thinking…. 

    Should I just let him buy me a new ring? Should I TELL him I want a new ring and pick something out (so I get exactly what I want)? Should I just let it go? If I get a new ring what do I do with the old one? I could never get rid of it because I really DO love it. 

    There is a tiny piece of me that wishes he would surprise me with a new ring and make it special to make up for the kind of forced/last-minute proposal. I would NEVER tell him this though and I am honestly ashamed to even admit that here… 

    I am feeling SO conflicted!! Bees, what would you do if you were in my position? Has anyone upgraded before/after the wedding? Can you share your story and maybe some before/after upgrade ring porn? 🙂

    I added a poll just for kicks

    NOTE: I can live my life happy FOREVER with the ring and proposal that I got. I LOVE my Fiance and I cannot wait to be his wife. I just tend to be very up and down about things and would love some input!

    Thanks!

    Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,

    Post # 3
    Member
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @MissMaya:  Youre cute! I think it’s okay for you to say “Ive been thinking about it, and I’m definitely not OPPOSED to a new ring and set. If you want to pick one out and surprise me with it, go for it. But I’ll be happy either way.”

    I definitely don’t think its silly to upgrade after the wedding though. If you guys can afford it and are both into the idea, ANY time is a great time for an upgrade 🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    1258 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think if he’s willing to let you get a whole new set….and that’s what you want….go for it!! You could always tell him that you feel bad that his first proposal that he had planned that didn’t happen and maybe he will do it again with the new ring??

    Personally, I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking for a new proposal with a new ring…lots of people do that.

    Let us know what you decide!!1

    Post # 5
    Member
    1284 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’m going to change my setting before the wedding.  He acknowledged that he was in a rush to buy my ring, and thus it doesn’t have the pave on the shank I wanted so badly (that he knew I wanted) and literally on the night he gave it to me, said he wanted to eventually upgrade the shank.  WELL I was fine with that being for an anniversary someday, until I realized that I want the ring he puts on me at the wedding to be my forever ring.  I don’t want my kids to not recognize my ring in wedding photos.  We’ve decided to make the change before the wedding.  I believe that the ring he puts on you after he says his eternal vows means infinitely more than the one he gives you at the proposal.

    Post # 6
    Member
    766 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @MissMaya:  If he’s willing and you want something else, go for it. You could wear the original E ring as a right hand ring. My friends are always so surprised that Fiance and I chose my ring together. FI’s stance on it was that if I’m the one who will be wearing it for the rest of my life, I should choose it. So yeah, if your guy is willing to make a switch to something you want and you don’t think his feelings would be hurt, go ahead!

    Post # 7
    Member
    4251 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2009

    I would just tell him the truth.  And let him get you a new ring.

    Post # 8
    Member
    164 posts
    Blushing bee

    If you do get a whole new wedding set, you could always wear your original engagement ring as a right-hand ring. This way you’d still be wearing the ring he proposed to you with, since it holds sentimental value, but you’d also get the e-ring and wedding band you’ve been dreaming of! 🙂

    ETA: Just saw another bee posted the same suggestion. We must have been typing at the same time! 🙂

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    4474 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    View original reply
    @jcent:  +1

    Post # 10
    Member
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 1993

    This is a cute story.  I just told my whole upgrade story on another thread so you might look for that if you are interested but ANYWHOO, My thought is maybe take a subtle approach.  You might “casually” mention to him that he got you thinking about a new set.  Reassure him that you love the sentiment behind your original ring but are wrestling with buying a band to match that one or a new set.  You might mention that you are trying to figure out what is the most efficent.  AND THEN DROP IT.  Let him stew on it and see what he comes up with.  This leaves you open for a surprise and also lets him know you are actually open to the idea.

    The subtle approach like this works well with my DH.  Men don’t think about the same things we do so you kind of have to nudge them a bit.  Once I plant the seed of thought he either runs with it and comes back later with questions or totally blows the idea off.  Either way I think he likes being part of the discussion….or at least thinking he is part of the discussion.

    I wear both sets.  I am currently wearing my old one because my new set is being tweaked at the jeweler and won’t be ready until Monday.  I also volunteer in a sketchy area of town and wear either nothing or my old one there because my new one is just too sparkly.  So, you might find situations where you would wear both also.

    Post # 11
    Member
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I suggest either upgrading, and selling the original to help cover the cost of upgrading, or keep it as a right hand ring!

    I know it can feel a bit weird upgrading, but don’t feel greedy. You will be wearing this ring for the rest of your life, you need to love it. We are custom making my ring together.

    That being said, I like the ring he picked. Maybe you could use the baguettes as side stones for a great solitaire? That way you are still keeping the original original original ring. You could think of it as an amalgamation of the two of you: for him(the baguettes) and you(new setting, new stone)

    Post # 12
    Member
    2557 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    If I were in your shoes I would get a new set and move your original ring to your other hand. Good luck! 🙂

    Post # 13
    Member
    4435 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @MissMaya:  It sounds like you are both fine with getting a new set- he even brought it up, so it’s not like you would hurt his feelings. I say go for it if it would make you both happy!

    Post # 14
    Member
    6737 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would send him a picture of the new e-ring you want and then a picture of the wedding band you want to match your old e-ring. I would say, “Here’s the e-ring I would want if you were to upgrade. Do whatever you think is best. I would rather be surprised with it anyway and I don’t really know what I want or how to make this decision. If you’re not going to get me the upgrade, here’s the wedding band I want.” Boom. Done.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I  picked out my own engagement ring.  I’m  picky,  and  my  fiancee knew to  just let me pick it out. Lol.  But  even tho I  picked mine out, I  plan to  upgrade  on an  anniversary or  something.  We  wanted to get  married in less than 3  months from the time we got engaged.  We  didn’t have the money  to  purchase the  ring I  wanted and tie the knot so  close together.  So I  bought the  best I  could afford,  and I  plan to  take  the  diamond and  put it  in an  upgrade ring in 5  years.  That way I always  have the diamond he originally proposed with.

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