(Closed) Upgrading your engagement ring..tacky? or why not!

posted 12 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think it’s tacky, but I think it needs to be a mutual decision.  These little rocks are expensive! 

I have a diamond that I could trade-in in order to upgrade, but I don’t think I ever would.  I love what I have now.

Post # 18
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

There is nothing wrong with it at all if its not an issue for either of you. When I got my ring it was a solitaire and he told me to pick out a setting. When we went to do that we found a big flaw in the stone so we ended up upgrding the stone as well. We still did it together, the proposal is still the part I will carry with me forever (not the memory of the first ring), and the happliy ever after is totally outranking even the ring 🙂

Post # 19
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

I have to say I do think it is a little tacky to upgrade "just because" to a bigger ring. I think it is a different story if you upgrade for a 10th anniversary or something. 

I have a really dear friend who is on her 4th engagement ring in 2 years!! I really don’t know what she is thinking.

I think it is important to respect the sentimental value of the rings. They represent who you were as a couple when you got engaged…and the love you share. It should be about that, not making the ring bigger and bigger. 

Post # 20
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think that it is really important that your Fiance suggested this – if just the bride wanted to upgrade her ring, that could lead to really hurt feelings.  To be completely honest, I much prefer the idea of buying a larger diamond later when you know that you can afford it to the idea of putting a larger ring on a credit card now. 

Post # 21
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I think that if he suggested it, then its alright.  If you were to just go and suggest  it, it might be disrespectful and might hurt his feelings.  I agree with professorbee in that waiting to purchase a bigger diamond when you can afford it is important as well.

Post # 22
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2021 - Millenium Biltmore Hotel

I think it is absolutely a personal preference. My grandma got an "upgraded" ring years after she and my grandpa were married, because her first e-ring was something my grandpa had given her when they were probably 20 years old. I think the "upgraded" ring was a 10 or 15 year anniversary gift. But, each situation is different. Also, individuals have different levels of emotional attachment to their rings. Some people wouldn’t dream of not wearing the ring they were given, others are not as attached. It depends on what you want, and what you and your Fiance decide.

Post # 23
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My husband has offered to let me upgrade my e-ring, but I don’t have any plans to do it.  I agree with MarriedinMay that it seems more meaningful to do it as an anniversary upgrade.

Post # 24
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think it’s tacky…it just depends on what you both want!  When we went ring shopping together, the guy at the jewelry shop basically told us that people tend to "upgrade" nowadays.  I think it’s a more recent trend though.  My mother has had the same ring for almost 40 years.  My dad offered her to upgrade anytime she wants to, but she feels that she should keep her original ring.

Post # 25
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I have a friend who announced early upon her engagement that she and her now-husband were planning to upgrade her ring in the future. First of all, her ring was incredible just how it was to begin with, and second, it only made her sound materialistic and unsatisfied when she said that. I could understand getting an anniversary ring later down the road to be worn on another finger/right hand, but I feel that if a man is going through the proposal, he offers you a ring as a symbol for his love and devotion, and this is the most precious part of the engagement. To belittle that by upgrading/replacing seems wrong to me.

Post # 26
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

You do what you want to do – it does not matter what your mother thinks; she is not the one wearing the ring.  When my parents married they were 21 and all my dad could afford was a ring with diamond chips.  For their 25th wedding anniversary my dad bought my mom a new ring and band *appraised at* $25k.  She loves it.  She still has her old set in her jewelry box for sentimentality, but she says she hasn’t thought once of wearing it again. They have now been married for 37 years. 

I think this is such a personal issue and I would recommend doing what you and you fh want withoug seeking advice from others.  I can’t imagine what my grandma would have told my mom if she has asked about upgrading her ring, but the point is that it is none of her business!

Post # 27
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

No biggee, that’s what anniversaries are for, right?! It’s stupid to take out too much debt to buy a ring you can’t afford right now, anyways! Lots of people go with the smaller ring, then get a bigger one later on. If he would be offended by it, that’s one thing, but if he suggested it in the first place, why not?! Plus, who’s to say you wont’ want a style upgrade or change in 10 years or so? My mom kept her engagement ring and added 2 carats of smaller round stones flanking it in that ‘sandwichy’ look…so there are ways to ‘upgrade’ without necesarily popping the stone out. A good jeweler should be able to do anything you want!

Post # 28
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I don’t think it’s tacky, I think it’s up to you. And I agree with others who say that’s what anniversaries are for.

Post # 29
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’ve heard both sides of the debate. Some folks say the ring is symbolic so why get caught up in how large the stone is. Other folks say the ring is just a symbol so upgrade it all you want. It really depends on the couple! 🙂

I never had any issues with the idea of upgrading but I’d only do it if Fiance agreed. I assumed he’d be COMPLETELY against the idea but we chatted about it recently and I was shocked to hear that he didn’t mind at all! I think as long as the setting itself doesn’t change he feels it’s still the same ring, just a different center stone.

I agree with the previous poster that said the term "upgrade" puts a bad taste in people’s mouths. "Upgrade" makes it sound like you’ve outgrown the ring your Fiance put a lot of love and effort into finding for you. Definitely not the best term for it!

Post # 30
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I am not at all attached to a diamond, but the band is very special to me.  It has an antique look to it and it very elaborate.  I can’t imagine ever replacing it, but the center stone, who cares?  I like the size I have (1.07), but hey, if he offered bigger I wouldn’t say no!

Post # 31
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@niki: LOL at "I wouldn’t say no!" I hear ya. 🙂

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