(Closed) Upscale wedding… not-so-upscale guest… what to do?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

If you were worried about your immediate family dressing inappropriately and being uncomfortable, I might suggest looking elsewhere, but since it sounds like the majority of your friends and family members will be comfortable and dress nice, I wouldn’t worry about a few stray people who might be too casual on the big day. I know a lot of brides would like to really push a dress code on their guests, but it doesn’t sound like anyone who would be in a lot of your photos would come dressed in jeans, so I don’t think you need to stress about the others. I’m sure on your wedding day you’ll be too happy to notice if a few people don’t quite fit in with the reception location.

Post # 4
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

LoL, I totally know where you’re coming from. I had a friend from high school get married and black jeans, cowboy boots, and t-shirts showed up. "Because I just don’t wear dress clothes".

Don’t compromise what YOU want because, for lack of better words, your extended family is ill informed of proper dress attire for a wedding. I don’t want to say hoosier, LoL, so don’t be mad at me! All i can think of is "My big redneck wedding" with the tank tops and the jeans and the mud wrestling

Have it wherever you want. Don’t change it to make your extended family more comfortable. I doubt you’ll really notice them in the big scheme of things. Or, you can include in the invitations a note about how there is a dress code at the country club. Then it’s not YOU being picky, but hey, there’s a dress code. It’s like going to a restaurant in a cut off shirt…they wouldn’t let you in! Or just include the note in THEIR invitations…

Post # 5
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I agree.  I’m having similar issues with, I’ll just say it, my FI’s friends.  Many of them have had much more casual weddings, and a couple are kind of adamant that weddings should not be formal affairs.  These are not his closest friends or the ones who will be attendants, but I’m having a hard time trying to figure out how to politely let the know what sort of even this is…especially b/c my Fiance is really non-confrontational.

I plan to put subtle hints on the website (e.g. let people know dinner is at a fixed time, that child care is available in case they don’t get the hint that kids aren’t invited from their names not being on the invite)…but who knows what will really happen.  You can’t control everything, and my guess is that you won’t hardly notice if these are people who aren’t super close to you.

One thing you might want to try to find out is how the CC will deal with people in jeans.  Most have dress codes that explicitly don’t allow them.  I’m not sure they would enforce that at a wedding reception (I’ve never been to a CC reception where someone tried to wear jeans), but it might be worth finding out for sure.  You probably don’t want a situation where guests are being turned away, or forced to wear a staff member’s pants (I’m not kidding, I’ve seen it happen).

Post # 6
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would carefully word on the reception/rsvp mailer, that COCKTAIL or dress attire preferred.  Ask your stationery specialist how to word this to get that subtle message across that you prefer people to dress appropriately for the occasion.  Maybe if some of the permanently casual types SEE it spelled out for them, they might not do jeans just for one day and wear dress pants or skirts or dresses!   

Post # 7
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with ejs4y8 don’t compromise what YOU both want because of some extended family that is not a big part of your life! You can’t control everything and if they show up in jeans they will be the ones feeling out of place or not, it is out of your hands.

I think you would regret not having the wedding where you want for this small group of people that don’t mean as much to your relationship and you would definitely always resent them for it!

Post # 8
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Does the club have a dress code?  I think it’s perfectly ok to put attire guidelines on the website, but you shouldn’t put them on the invite unless it’s black tie/black tie optional OR mandatory by the venue.  If the club makes men wear jackets after 5 PM, then just put something like, "Reception to follow at Spring Hill Country Club.  Spring Hill requires men to wear jackets."  If not, just put "For directions, please visit our website." On the website, state attire.

Post # 9
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Uh oh…I think the CC might refuse entry to people with jeans on…the couple I have been too had pretty rigid dress codes for dinner…

Can you spread the word without directly speaking with people?  Like, on the website or through parents, like the gift registry?  I too am worried that people will show up in jeans.  I went to a FORMAL wedding last October and nearly everyone but me – over over 200 guests – had on slacks or jeans…and I will be inviting many of these same people to my shin-dig.

This is just gonna be one of those things you can plan for but not control.  If the majority of people look great and a few show up in shorts, they’ll feel out of place, not you.  I think the fact that it is in a country club speaks for itself.  Just put ‘formal attire’ or something on the bottom of the invitation.

Post # 10
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Im gonna say, DONT worry about it. This was a huge concern of ours… we had a very formal wedding and were sooo worried about people wearing jeans. We it came to the actual wedding.. we didnt even notice what people had on!! All of the important people were very dressed up.. and thats what matters for pictures. In the end, people are gonna wear what they want an what they feel comfortable in.. have the wedding you want, where you want it and dont worry about the ignorance of the others.. trust me!! You honestly wont even notice in the end!

Post # 11
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Well they wouldn’t be allowed into the country club in jeans, so you should let them know that ahead of time!!!!!!

Post # 12
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If they choose not to follow the dress code, then they will look silly and wont be in pictures. 

I have some similar relatives, but a wedding is so stressful, I’ve chosen to "pick the battle" on this one… or not to rather.

Save your stress for something you have more control over. Especially with a tight budget, and you have this neat deal going on at the club. Don’t look somewhere else over what someone might wear.


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