(Closed) upset about bachelor party…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 167
Member
33 posts
Newbee

[content moderated for name calling and personal attack]

Post # 168
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Woooo Hoooo!!!!!!! SO is out of the house for the weekend and I’m totally going to run around in my underwear while singing show tunes at the top of my lungs and watch something really trashy on Netflix whilst drinking champagne out of a travel mug……

…..at least for the first hour that he’s gone.  Still formulating plans for the remainder of the time…I’m thinking life size paper mâché tribute to George Washington and painting the kitchen with glitter….

At least that’s what I’d be doing if I was OP.   🙂 

Post # 169
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@AquaGrey8962:  please get the counselling…He does not need to approve that. If you feel like you need professional help get it ASAP, do not delay.

You having better emotional/mental health actually benefits BOTH of you – even if he doesn’t get that yet.

Hopefully at some point you two can also do premarital counseling. I really think it would benefit you both greatly.

Good luck with everything.

Post # 171
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@Goofball:  +1. I would be the same way. Lol

 

Post # 172
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@AquaGrey8962:  Saying this: ” I feel like if he goes to this super-party, I wont want to marry him. I wont be  able to write vows saying how much I cherish and love him, if the whole time I’m  thinking he’s a selfish assh*le…”

makes me think you aren’t mature enough to be getting married.  You sound jealous.  You should be happy for your Fiance and you should want him to be happy as well. 

Post # 173
Member
208 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, if you are so upset about this that you’ve been fighting for 4 days and you don’t think you want to marry him anymore, then you shouldn’t marry him.

[content moderated for personal attack]

 

Post # 174
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@Penang1885:  

Post # 175
Member
1097 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I didn’t read the pages of comments so not sure if I’m adding anything new here, but it sounds like you don’t want him to have one because you aren’t getting one. I’m sorry, but that just soudns selfish to me. He does have local friends and family who want to throw him a party, why wouldn’t you want him to have that? Your friends are far away…you shouldn’t punish him for that. Let him go, be happy that he will have a good time with friends, and don’t hold it against him. 

Post # 176
Bee
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Try to be happy for him. It isn’t fair, and that sucks, but it’s not worth the freak out. If it’s such a major issue for you that you really feel like you can’t marry him over it, please use your insurance (if you have it, or a low-cost clinic) and make an appointment to see a counselor on your own. It’s worth working through. 🙂

Post # 177
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@AquaGrey8962:  I totally get that it sucks that you and your girl friends live too far apart and don’t have the money to do a bachelorette party, and I do understand that you’re upset your Fiance is even considering doing this now, after he said he wouldn’t…and knowing how you will not be able to have one.  But honestly, IMO…just let him go have fun.  His brother is offering to pay for it…why not?  He deserves to go and have one if its an option. Its not really fair to tell him No you cannot have a bachelor party because I don’t get a bachelorette party…that just seems childish.  Don’t make him feel guilty…if it were switched and your sister was the rich one and he was stuck would you want him to guilt you into staying home so neither one of you gets to have fun?  Or would you want him to let you have fun since the opportunity came up?

Post # 178
Member
7571 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If he got food poisoning, would you want to get that too?

nope?

well… That is just how life works. Sometimes someone gets something nice and we don’t. Sometimes somene gets something lousy and we don’t. Learn to deal with both kinds of situations graciously. 

Post # 180
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

I am new here so I can’t comment on any of your previous posts because I haven’t seen them, but I feel like I have some experience in this area so I am commenting on this one. 

I don’t have a lot of friends and the ones that I do have could be construed as flakey and unreliable, so I don’t get to hang out with them often. My Fiance, on the other hand, has a lot of friends who regularly want to hang out with him. After we moved in together, it would make me really upset when he would go out with his friends and leave me sitting alone at home. I would cry and he would get upset and we would fight. It lead to him cancelling plans with friends and then it wasn’t really that great because he was spending the evening angry that he wasn’t out with his friends when he wanted to be. It was really hard on our relationship and didn’t get better until I learned to think about it in the way that he wasn’t going out to hurt me, and it wasn’t his fault that my situation was what it was. 

Basically what I’m saying is you need to get over it both for your own mental health and for the health of your relationship. It might not be “fair” for him to have a party when you don’t get to, but thats life. You say you wouldn’t hurt your Fiance by going to a party if he didn’t get to go, but I think you’re thinking about it the wrong way. He might not even be hurt by you going, and he might encourage you to go because he wants you to be happy. Thats how you need to think about it. Don’t turn a party into an ultimatum where he has to choose between you and his family. That isn’t fair either. 

If you force him to not go, or you try to punish him afterward, hes going to resent you for it and I’m sure his brother will as well, which isnt a good way to start a marriage. Additionally, if he goes and you continue to resent him for it its going to ruin your relationship. The only way you can “save” this is by getting over it, learning to be happy for him, and don’t hold it against him that he has family who is willing to pay for something for him. If everything else in your relationship is good, are you really going to throw it all away over a party? 

Post # 181
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

JrzyGurl +1000

“he’s a millionaire for a reason. he manipulates everything.”

Hmmm, but you have no problem thinking this “manipulator” should pay for your party? This ^ (and a lot of other stuff you’ve said) makes you sound bitter, petty and jealous. Neither of you are entitled to a party, so why on earth are you acting like you’re being slighted? Your FIs party comes at no sacrifice to you, why can’t you be happy for him? This is clearly not about your Fiance “breaking his promise”- it’s purely about you feeling left out.  And that’s ridiculous.

Also, newsflash: even if your Future Brother-In-Law is Bill Gates, he is in no way obligated to throw either of you a party, give you guys a wedding gift, or otherwise “compensate” you two for getting married. I cannot believe you guys thought (and your Fiance had the balls!!1!) to ask if he would pay for your bachelorette party too. “I’m not her brother” is more polite than anything I would have said to your Fiance. SMFH. 

 

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