Post # 1
I just got the nerve to post because I am upset about this and not sure what to do as this has all happened within the last few days.
The backstory is that my FI and I got engaged in July after dating around 3 years. We had not gone ring shopping but we had discussed getting married before, however the proposal was still a shock. The ring was smaller than I expected and hoped for and not really my style but heck, I was thrilled to get a ring.
I had this feeling that something was not quite right about my ring because the center diamond did not sparkle like my other friends’ rings did. I didn’t say anything to my FI because I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Anyway, the ring was too big and now that the weather had cooled off, I took it to a jeweler to get it sized smaller.
Imagine my surprise when the jeweler said the ring was sterling silver and that the center “diamond” was a cubic zirconia. I said there must be a mistake but he used some diamond tester tool to show me that it wasn’t real.
So that night I told my FI what happened at the jeweler and he got mad that I even went to a jeweler! He finally admitted that the ring is a cubic zirconia and I shouldn’t have asked him, but I did ask how much the ring was and he didn’t tell me directly, but he told that he got it from QVC. I looked it up and discovered it’s less than $100. I wasn’t even sure what to say; I didn’t want to sound ungrateful but seriously?
I told him that a ring like this is not meant to last a lifetime and he got mad and called me materialistic. We both have good jobs and had not discussed engagement rings before so I really had no idea what a budget would be. Many of his friends and his brother have gotten engaged recently so he has to know rings cost more than that! I told him I would like a different ring and his response was that he already got me a ring.
I’m not sure what hurts more – the fact that he spent $100 on my ring, or the fact that he called me materialistic.
I have been very cool to him the last few days because I don’t know what to say. He’s acting like nothing happened.
We usually have great communication but I am at a loss for how to handle this. I look at my finger and am afraid this is all he thinks I am worth.
Post # 3
Yikes. What a sensitive situation. I hope you come to an amicable resolution. Is he strapped for cash? Would it be helpful to look through estate jewelry on ebay to save on cost? Maybe overstock.com? Black Friday is coming up, I’m sure he could snag a great deal then too.
Post # 4
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I think you should maybe table the convo about the ring for a bit. He shouldnt have freaked out at you. He should never have lied to you, that is not a healthy relationship especially lying about your ring.
Maybe you guys can have a sit down and air some things out about it in a little but but I personally would just sit back for a minute and regroup.
I myself would have freaked out because #1 he lied #2 he got pissed at me #3 he was cheap and got caught.
Good luck girl…take care of you
Post # 5
I’m sorry, I have no rational advice for you. I would be fuming. It’s the fact that he wasn’t upfront about what the ring is made of and his reaction to you finding out! Obviously he knows it was bad he deceived you like that otherwise he wouldn’t be angry that you went to a jeweler and got busted!!
Post # 6
Well, that was half-assed of him! I’m not saying he should’ve bought you a huge expensive ring that would have strained his finances, but it sounds like he didn’t put any thought into it at all.
What it comes down to is that he tried to deceive you. Most of the women on here with inexpensive rings wanted inexpensive rings. It was something that they and their SOs discussed and agreed on. He wanted you to think you had a diamond in a white gold or platinum setting, and acted like an ass to you when you found out the truth. Shame on him!
Post # 7
I would be really upset as well!
First off he tried to hide the fact of what the ring was made of. Second he got mad at you for going to a jewelry store, then got mad & called you names. Uhm.. HELLO?
What was you suppose to do? Resize it yourself! Honestly you two need to talk, long & hard about this. He is acting like a child over getting found out & during that treating you like you did something wrong.
Check out ebay for great steals on rings if he is having a hard time right now money wise. I have seen platinum rings with 1/2 carat worth of diamonds go for 350 dollars. So I am SURE you can find something in that price area if need be.
Post # 8
@GelaMac: Those are the exact 3 reasons why I don’t know what to do. He’s never lied to me before that I know of, and he usually isn’t this cheap. He just bought himself a new dirt bike AFTER he bought me this ring so I don’t think it’s a money issue.
Post # 9
🙁 I’m so so sorry. I don’t have much advice, but his lying and him getting upset are red flags to me. I get that maybe he was embarrassed and took it out on you–but still.
Just know that we are all here for you 🙁
Post # 10
Before you get a bunch of ladies on here agreeing that you sound materialistic and like you care more about the ring than the marriage, I’m going to pipe and say this would definitely upset me. The way I see it, it’s not realy about the ring itself (although to some it is) but it’s the lack of thought put into something so very important, the blaming you for finding out something he obviously wanted to hide, and the fact that he wasn’t honest about the fact that it wasn’t a real diamond. Not every ring has to be “real” but, be honest. I am curious where his thinking is, maybe table this convo for a bit and at some point just sit down and explain to him why you feel the way you do, while asking him why he did what he did.
Post # 11
I would have a problem with deception… Then acting like YOU’RE in the wrong. Buying you some fake QVC ring was cheap & thoughtless and Ito me, it doesnlt sound like he’s serious. I would return the ring and tell him come back when he’s done playing games!
Post # 12
If you’re not happy with the ring, I think you should pick out a new one together. If you’re not happy with it now, you’re probably just going to be more disappointed about it the longer you wear it.
If it were me, I’d ask him to go ring shopping with you and pick out one together. Explain how much his proposal meant to you and emphasize how excited you are to get married to him. Then ask him to go ring shopping with you and explain that you would like to purchase a nicer ring together.
Maybe he really didn’t understand that you’re supposed to purchase a nicer ring for an engagement ring? My FI is rather clueless when it comes to that stuff, too. Thankfully he brought me ring shopping with him and we purchased it together.
Post # 13
@SnowInApril: WOW. He just bought a dirt bike? Hmmm… Maybe he doesn’t see the importance of the ring. You should calmly try to explain to him that this ring is suppose to last a lifetime & sterling silver with CZ will NOT.
Post # 14
I’m really sorry! That most have been a real shock to find out at the jeweler like that.
I think you need to talk to him and explain to him why you want a different ring and what it actually means to you. Whether it’s the fact that a stone like a diamond is meant to last, be passed down, be a permanent reminder of this special time in your lives, whatever it means to you! I think it’s also okay to tell him how it makes you feel that he tried to pass off that ring to you as a diamond engagement ring. That it’s not about the money, but the sentiment and the fact that looking at that ring makes you sad, which is exactly the opposite of how it should make you feel. They are your feelings, you know. He can’t really deny how you’re feeling.
In other words, I think what you’re feeling is perfectly valid and, as your partner, he needs to be able to handle that and try to understand. You just may need to approach it in a way that doesn’t get him defensive about it, but instead listening to what you’re saying.
Post # 15
To be honest I’d be reallyyyyyyy irritated. That’s not cool at all, it’d be one thing if you guys had came to the cz conclusion together.. but for him to get you it fully knowing you’d believe it was a diamond is just not cool. I’m so sorry!
Post # 16
I’m sorry to hear that. I agree, it’s frustrating and hurtful to know your ring isn’t real or what you expected. Also keep in mind it’s a sensitive to him to say you don’t like the ring he picked. Both sides have to be considerate I think.
I suggest find a moment when he is in good giving mood, affectionate and all. Bring it up in away that isn’t his failt but rather just would like something that will last forever in quality as its sentimental value. Perhaps come to an agreement or a promise , goal to get a better ring. Many couples get one ring for whatever reason, finance, young so can’t afford, so on but eventually get an upgrade.
All the best!