(Closed) Upset about my ring. What can I do?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@october22:  I justreplied to you. Realized my comment is written below and not replied ito your line. Read below. 

Post # 18
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s not about the ring, it’s about the fact that he lied to you. I would be HORRIBLY upset (and yes, even break off the engagement for something like this). Everyone has different budgets and it’s okay if you guys sit down and discuss your budget and diamonds are not in that budget or you just like something else. Not every ring needs to be a giant diamond ring. But to pass it off as a diamond and then get mad at you for taking it to a jeweler AND to buy himself a new dirt bike afterwards – this guy sounds like a selfish jerk.

Post # 19
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would be furious! It’s fine to get a non-diamond e-ring, but he should be upfront with you about it!

is he generous with other gifts (christmas, birthdays)?  Is $100 a normal gift for him to you? Maybe he just thought it was the same type of gift? Or maybe he is just clueless!!

Post # 20
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@thatredheadedbride:  Great advice, but I just find it so hard to believe that a guy wouldn’t know how important an engagement ring is. Unless he’s from a different culture or something…

Post # 21
Member
5229 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I was prepared to open this thread and think “get over it” but you are right to be upset, not because of the ring itself, but because of the way this whole situation played out. Many people do not think an engagement ring is a responsible way to spend a huge chunk of money, but your Fiance should’ve been honest with you about that and should not have tried to deceive you or gotten angry when you accidentally found out about that deception. 

I recommend that you both give it some time to calm down and that you express to him that you love what the ring symbolizes but that the way he misrepresented that symbol upsets you. I don’t exactly know whether you should push the issue of getting a different ring, but there should at least be a rational conversation about it.

ETA: You should leave the dirtbike out of the equation. By turning it around on him and pointing out that he spent money on himself and not you, you are being materialistic and petty. He has the right until you are married to spend his money how he sees fit and this is a different issue. I doubt he made a conscious choice to give you a cheap ring just so he could buy a dirtbike. Rather, he puts more intrinsic value on the bike than on your ring, which is probably not as important symbol to him as it is to you. Keep these two issues separate and deal with teh ring situation on its own merits.

Post # 22
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

YIKES he bought a dirt bike after that….wow….

Post # 23
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

He is probably being mean about it because he is embarrassed/ashamed of himself. I would give him a week or so, and then bring it up again. Hopefully he takes it upon himself to fix the issue before then! If not, I would be a bit concerned with how selfish he is acting about the whole situation.

Post # 24
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

The fact that he bought himself a dirtbike after such an uninspiring ring purchase lends me to believe that he is perhaps immature and a little selfish. Maybe he isn’t ready to get married? To me, when you make that kind of commitment, you stop living as two people and become one in the same. 

Even the most clueless man knows how important popping the question is. I would be most upset that he lied and then tried to turn it around on me. As far as what you can do, if it were me, I’d give him the ring back and tell him I think we needed more time before making the next step.

Post # 25
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yikes. This is a huge red flag for me. He bought himself an expensive present, but bought you something that he wanted you to think was expensive?  Then got pissed when he got caught?  That is not okay. 

Post # 26
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@KTBanana:  I totally agree. If it were me personally I think that’s what I’d do :/

Post # 27
Member
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Omgosh girl so sorry you’re dealing with this. While I’d wear whatever ring my Fiance gave me, I’d want him to at least be upfront about what it was made of (so I could care for it properly).  He really cheaped out on you – not saying he should have botten you a better ring instead of his bike or anything, but he should have at least told you what it was!

I can’t believe he got mad at you for going to a jewelery store! I honestly don’t even know what you should do but just wanted to offer some support and let you know you aren’t wrong for feeling the way you do.

Maybe you could let the topic lie for a few weeks and bring it up in a non-judgmental, non-confrontational way so as to not hurt his feelings? Be careful about how you approach it and hopefully he will come around to getting you a new ring. Maybe you could offer to pay for half or something? 

I thought this kind of thing only happened in the movies!!  He could have at least gotten white gold instead of sterling silver! That thing won’t last long!

Post # 28
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If he continues to be unreasonable, perhaps you could consult with someone close to him who might talk some sense into him (his mom or brother, perhaps? Or a mutual friend?) 

This might make him angry, but if he continues to behave in this manner, it might be the only way he’ll see that this is much, much more than how “materialistic you are”.

I agree about red flags. 

Post # 29
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m not going to lie: I would be seriously FURIOUS.

What are you going to do?

I was just going to say, ‘if it were me…’ but honestly, I don’t think my Fiance would even think about doing that- getting a CV when you thought it was a diamond, getting angry at you, etc. etc.

I think you should get your Fiance to read this thread and realise what a dumb idiot he’s been.

Also, I can’t believe he bought a bike. Seriously. And not knowing about how important a ring is? Especially when he’s been surrounded by guys talking about rings all the time. He for sure knew how important engagement rings were. Maybe he realised how much they were, and thought he’d pull the wool over your eyes?

Seriously, men can be such dumb dumb idiots.

I’m angry FOR you. Hang in there! (I would also suggest getting him the crappiest gifts for the forseeable future. Seriously: half of a burned candle, plastic cutlery, seed packets, cat ornaments, used underwear, etc. etc. He gets NOTHING good from you. Stupid men.)

Post # 30
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Double_rainbow:  (I would also suggest getting him the crappiest gifts for the forseeable future. Seriously: half of a burned candle, plastic cutlery, seed packets, cat ornaments, used underwear, etc. etc. He gets NOTHING good from you. Stupid men.)

Oh my god, I almost spit out my drink right there. Not a bad idea, though.

Post # 31
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Eeeeks,  I totally get why you’re upset. This leaves a really bad feeling in me.

To me, the Lie is the bigger problem. How on earth could he think that you’d never find out it wasn’t real? And how can he feel comfortable starting off his marriage with a big fat lie?

I know we girls can get caught up in the sparkliness of diamonds, but it is important. Because it’s is a symbol of what you want your marriage to be, ever lasting.  And if he thinks this ring is all you deserve, i’d be worried at what kind of marriage you guys might have.  If money was an issue, then it might be a diff story, but by spending all that money on a dirt bike, he’s showing you where his priorities are.  And by freaking out at you when you caught him, and not willing to talk reasonably about it, and calling you materialistic, he’s showing you that he doesn’t understand what marriage and commitment mean. 

I wouldn’t table this convo, but i’m the kind of person who can’t go to bed with unresolved feelings.  If it were me, every time i looked at the ring, it’d be a reminder of the lie.  

Edit:  After thinking about this for a few mins and talking it over with my co-worker (who’s furious on your behalf), we both think he’s not ready for marriage.  Part of me agrees with the bee’s telling you to give back the ring, but i don’t know enough about your relationship to assess the damage that might do.  But he NEEDS a wake up call for sure. 

The topic ‘Upset about my ring. What can I do?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors