(Closed) Upset about my ring. What can I do?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 32
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Double_rainbow:  hahaha, i just had an image of her dumping a bag of used crap on his head. You’re right, it sounds like this guy was trying to deceive her, that’s why he got mad about it when she found out. if he wasn’t trying to deceive her he would have explained himself.

Post # 33
Member
7321 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Wow, that sucks. I have nothing against non-diamonds, I have a moissanite myself, but I was the one who chose it and my husband was fully on board. If I had been lead to believe my ring was a diamond and found out otherwise, I’d feel duped. It’s not about being shallow and elitist about sims either, it’s a deception on his part.

I would just give it back.

Post # 34
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

How do your overall attitudes toward finances match up? Do you have similar philosophies when it comes to saving and spending, etc? Some men are extremely frugal and tend to spend the bare minimum when it comes to personal possessions. Maybe, if he spends very little on clothes/shoes/watches/etc, $100 actually seems like a lot to him?

I understand why you feel the way you do and I don’t think you’re materialistic for feeling like this. I also think it was pretty shitty of him to try to pass off a cz as a diamond and you have a right to feel deceived and upset. I think you should have a serious talk about why he chose the ring he did. Does he object to the idea of shelling out thousands of $$s for a piece of jewelry simply because “it’s the done thing”? Maybe he’d rather spend that money on the wedding or a honeymoon or a house. Would you be willing to meet him halfway, perhaps by choosing a moissy or colored gemstone ring that’s more your style but still isn’t exorbitantly costly?

I’m sorry that he put you in this position. I hope things work out and you can find a ring that makes you both happy!

Post # 35
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

There is nothing wrong with silver and CZ – but there IS something wrong with getting that as an engagement ring without discussing it first or being honest about it. Him getting defensive and upset about you discovering this just screams CLUELESS to me… is he the first in his group of friends or family to get engaged?  If not, I really don’t understand how he could possibly think that you a) weren’t going to find out eventually and b) would be OK with it.  If so, maybe you can explain to him that CZ and silver are not meant to last forever, but that its important to you that your engagement ring be something that lasts forever. Don’t bring up the size though – thats probably not going to go over well.

Post # 36
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Yikes. I think you’ve been given some fantastic advice here, so I really have nothing to add except that you are definitely not in the wrong here. 

Post # 37
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

For something that’s supposed to symbolize your eternal love and commitment to one another (hence the circular “ring”), that’s really shitty he got you a silver/CZ ring.

I think even the ladies on here that have and adore their silver and/or CZ rings know that they are not built to last forever, which is a quality that I think should be discussed beforehand. Some women get really sentimental and want to wear the proposal ring forever. What happens if you can’t because it’s falling apart?

I think you need to calmly explain to him that you are upset because he decieved you, not because of the price of the ring, and also that you wanted something that would last forever, and not possibly break or become worn within a few years. It’s possible to get a nice gemstone ring set in gold that will last for a decent price.

 

Post # 38
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

I’d throw that shit in a drawer and buy myself a sick ring for my right hand.

He is being cheap, you are not being materialistic. Had he given you reasons why and told you it was CZ, that’s one thing. But he lied and spent a lot of money on an expensive gift for himself (dirt bike).

Post # 39
Member
6397 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yikes. I have nothing to add after all the great advice thats been given, but I just want to say that my heart goes out to you on this. I definitely dont think you’re over reacting.

Post # 40
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

The part that bothers me the most is that he lied, and that led to you being humiliated in public about your ring, and that in turn led to him losing his shit.

BIG. RED. FLAGS. in my opinion.

Once you accept this type of behaviour, whether you get the Hope Diamond or not, you have to know that it will continue. Quite frankly, I think you’re worth more than that.

Post # 41
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

um wow that is rough im sorry your dealing with that.

I agree with pp and wou;ld not wear the cheap cheap ring!! Take it off and hide it away and if he wants to get married he will buy u another ring!!!

Post # 42
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@anothersmith:  I agree that it will continue. If he decided you don’t need to know the truth about your ring, what else is he going to decide that you don’t need to know about? If you let it go, it’ll be a slippery slope down to serious badness. 

Post # 43
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SnowInApril: Ohhh, I would have been absolutely livid if it were me!  And he’d be darn lucky if I didn’t throw the bloody ring back in his face if he dared to call me names!  I wouldn’t have been mad about getting a cheap ring (because my own rings actually were fairly inexpensive and I knew that), but deceiving you about it is totally unacceptable and then getting mad at YOU for catching him in his lies (especially when you weren’t even trying to) is just insult to injury!  I would say that he’s just mad because he’s embarrassed that he got caught, but even so, he’s mad at the wrong person here!  He only has himself to blame for any of this!   Refusing to get you another ring truly is another ass move of his.  I hate to say it, but I’d seriously have to think twice about marrying any man who thinks it’s acceptable to treat you this way.  He has hurt you, lied to you, gotten mad at you for something that was HIS own fault, and now he refuses to rectify the situation!  It’s not about the money and it’s not even about the ring, it’s the principle of the thing!

Post # 44
Member
557 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Some people can only afford CZ and that’s okay – but the fact that he tried to pass it off as a diamond was really wrong. If he couldn’t afford better he should have told you and since you’re not materialistic you would have understood. To lie though? I would be mad too!!!

Post # 45
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@SnowInApril:  OMG. I just told my fiance about this post (he is sitting next to me) and he was shocked as well!

I would give back the ring….Honestly =/

Post # 46
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

And on another note, your fiance also ought to apologize to you for embarrassing you in front of the jeweller!  I can only imagine how it must have felt to be told by a stranger in public that your ring wasn’t what your fiance told you it was. 🙁  *hugs*

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