(Closed) Upset about my ring. What can I do?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 62
Member
8462 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree you did the right thing. Honestly I probably would have given the ring back because I would be livid. I get that some guys think jewelry is a waste of money, but when it’s something that is supposed to last a life time, be a symbol of your love, etc  I think it’s a bit more important.

Post # 63
Member
5 posts
Newbee

My guy and I come from families with very different financial backgrounds. As a result we have different views on finances and spending money on “non-essentials” (eating out, birthday gifts, weekends away, etc.). I tell him often (good naturedly) that he is the cheapest man I know. Ironically the only thing he is completey comfortable spending money on is his dirtbike! Yet, when I suggested a moissanite in place of a diamond with the idea we could use the difference to replace the windows in our home he categorically shot it down and said it meant something to him to not make this one purchase on the cheap.

I would be very upset! And while I do agree with a PP not to bring the dirtbike up during discussions about the ring I fully understand how that adds insult to injury.

I hope you get it sorted out and end up with a ring you love 🙂

 

 

Post # 64
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@SnowInApril:  I feel like I’ve been talking in circles.  I cannot seem to make him see my point of view! 

He might need to hear it from others. So, maybe tell some friends/family, but not to embarrass him. Someone that he respects who will pull him aside and say, hey, the ring is important to her. This situation is not okay. Being dishonest about the CZ is a serious offense, and she deserves a heartfelt apology.

Post # 66
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would have flipped the fuck out.

No one puts Torrid in the corner.

Erm, or your ring.

D:<

Post # 67
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@SnowInApril:  If it is indeed the ex that is making him so cheap (because of her own materialism) then that’s something he needs to become aware of and work on consciously.  My dad left me and my ex cheated on me. Those things caused some abandonment issues that I had to work on for my future relationships.  I had to be completely aware of when I was experiencing countertransference with my now husband.  Everyone has these kinds of transference issues and it does not excuse punishing your current partner for someone else’s behavior in the past. 

Post # 68
Member
6397 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’d give him the ring back. He needs to understand what a big deal that is. Does his mom know? I know you said she has some of the same stuff, but does she at least see the big deal about what he did?

I seriously just want to teleport to his house and give him a piece of my mind!

Post # 69
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@SnowInApril:  How has this made it worse? I think that his brother, being that he recently bought a ring, is the one who might be able to get through to your Fiance. Hopefully he’ll be able to talk to him and make your Fiance see your point of view. 

Post # 70
Member
5092 posts
Bee Keeper

I was going to tell you to live with it-before I read your post.  Then I was going to give a  +1 to  @gangqinjia:  reply.  And I saw that you had already discussed this with him X2.  Do you think you could talk to his mom about it?  Maybe she could get him to understand how you feel?

Post # 71
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I want an update!

Post # 72
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@wederly:  post #57 had an update. 

Post # 74
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee

Agree on giving him his ring back. 

Post # 75
Member
894 posts
Busy bee

@SnowInApril:  He doesn’t sound like an all-around dick. He just sounds really stubborn and perhaps selfish with this situation. There must be some underlying reason that he’s so immoveable about this. I wonder what it could be.

I’m thinking about what I would do. Granted, I’m a very blunt person, and when I’m upset with people, I tend to let them know with very little sympathy. I would have one more conversation with the Fiance. Like so:

  • Me: Fiance, I was thinking about what you said about your mother’s jewelry. How often does she wear it?
  • Him: Oh, really often.
  • Me: Like every day?
  • Him: No, not every day, but a lot. It’s really fine.
  • Me: See, the thing is, an engagement ring is going to be on my finger every day, on my hand no less, which is constantly exposed to the elements. I think that silver and CZ will wear out really fast, and I don’t want that, because your ring is very important and sentimental to me. Is it okay if we look for more durable options?

If he agreed, great! If he still treated me like a butt:

  • Me: You know what, you can have this ring back. I’m sick of this. We can talk about this again when you’re ready to get me a quality ring that will really last my whole life – and when you prove to me that you can be honest about the most important step in our relationship!
  • Him: What? Baby! Does this mean we’re not engaged anymore?
  • Me: You bet it does.

I would hand it to him then and there.

But that’s just me… 

Post # 76
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

What an awful situation! Any pictures of it??

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