Post # 62
I agree you did the right thing. Honestly I probably would have given the ring back because I would be livid. I get that some guys think jewelry is a waste of money, but when it’s something that is supposed to last a life time, be a symbol of your love, etc I think it’s a bit more important.
Post # 63
My guy and I come from families with very different financial backgrounds. As a result we have different views on finances and spending money on “non-essentials” (eating out, birthday gifts, weekends away, etc.). I tell him often (good naturedly) that he is the cheapest man I know. Ironically the only thing he is completey comfortable spending money on is his dirtbike! Yet, when I suggested a moissanite in place of a diamond with the idea we could use the difference to replace the windows in our home he categorically shot it down and said it meant something to him to not make this one purchase on the cheap.
I would be very upset! And while I do agree with a PP not to bring the dirtbike up during discussions about the ring I fully understand how that adds insult to injury.
I hope you get it sorted out and end up with a ring you love 🙂
Post # 64
@SnowInApril: I feel like I’ve been talking in circles. I cannot seem to make him see my point of view!
He might need to hear it from others. So, maybe tell some friends/family, but not to embarrass him. Someone that he respects who will pull him aside and say, hey, the ring is important to her. This situation is not okay. Being dishonest about the CZ is a serious offense, and she deserves a heartfelt apology.
Post # 65
Good god I may have just made matters worse by calling his brother (the one that’s engaged) His brother had no idea my ring was a CZ so obviously he wanted to fool more than just me. He doesn’t understand why my Fiance would do this, except to say that FI’s last girlfriend before me was very materialistic. Great, so I’m labeled with the ex-girlfriend. Fiance has called me several times while I’m typing this and I don’t have the energy to talk to him any more tonight.
Post # 66
I would have flipped the fuck out.
No one puts Torrid in the corner.
Erm, or your ring.
Post # 67
@SnowInApril: If it is indeed the ex that is making him so cheap (because of her own materialism) then that’s something he needs to become aware of and work on consciously. My dad left me and my ex cheated on me. Those things caused some abandonment issues that I had to work on for my future relationships. I had to be completely aware of when I was experiencing countertransference with my now husband. Everyone has these kinds of transference issues and it does not excuse punishing your current partner for someone else’s behavior in the past.
Post # 68
I’d give him the ring back. He needs to understand what a big deal that is. Does his mom know? I know you said she has some of the same stuff, but does she at least see the big deal about what he did?
I seriously just want to teleport to his house and give him a piece of my mind!
Post # 69
@SnowInApril: How has this made it worse? I think that his brother, being that he recently bought a ring, is the one who might be able to get through to your Fiance. Hopefully he’ll be able to talk to him and make your Fiance see your point of view.
Post # 70
I was going to tell you to live with it-before I read your post. Then I was going to give a +1 to @gangqinjia: reply. And I saw that you had already discussed this with him X2. Do you think you could talk to his mom about it? Maybe she could get him to understand how you feel?
Post # 72
@wederly: post #57 had an update.
Post # 74
Agree on giving him his ring back.
Post # 75
@SnowInApril: He doesn’t sound like an all-around dick. He just sounds really stubborn and perhaps selfish with this situation. There must be some underlying reason that he’s so immoveable about this. I wonder what it could be.
I’m thinking about what I would do. Granted, I’m a very blunt person, and when I’m upset with people, I tend to let them know with very little sympathy. I would have one more conversation with the Fiance. Like so:
- Me: Fiance, I was thinking about what you said about your mother’s jewelry. How often does she wear it?
- Him: Oh, really often.
- Me: Like every day?
- Him: No, not every day, but a lot. It’s really fine.
- Me: See, the thing is, an engagement ring is going to be on my finger every day, on my hand no less, which is constantly exposed to the elements. I think that silver and CZ will wear out really fast, and I don’t want that, because your ring is very important and sentimental to me. Is it okay if we look for more durable options?
If he agreed, great! If he still treated me like a butt:
- Me: You know what, you can have this ring back. I’m sick of this. We can talk about this again when you’re ready to get me a quality ring that will really last my whole life – and when you prove to me that you can be honest about the most important step in our relationship!
- Him: What? Baby! Does this mean we’re not engaged anymore?
- Me: You bet it does.
I would hand it to him then and there.
But that’s just me…
Post # 76
What an awful situation! Any pictures of it??