(Closed) Upset about my ring. What can I do?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 107
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

I would have FLIPPED out. I mean I would have shown him a new side of me and made him dearly regret being such a jerk.

This story is messed up in so many ways. And dont think this is a onetime thing. He is showing you his priorities and values. Is this what you want to be married to?

Post # 108
Member
364 posts
Helper bee

PP posters have given you some great advice and feedback all I have to add is my personal experience with my ex husband. I did not get an engagement ring because he felt it wasn’t necessary. I insisted on a wedding band that cost $180. He made me feel horrible about spending that much on it while he proceeded to spend 1k on a TV, 2k on a laptop and goodness only knows how much on video games etc. Throughout our divorce he claimed I was materialistic and that was the only reason I was divorcing him. Our marriage ended because  any time an issue came up he either freaked out and blamed it on me or avoided it all together. I hope your situation turns out differently than mine but counseling to try to help with the communication between the two of you might be a good idea.I always felt like we were arguing in circles too. Best of luck to you! 

Post # 109
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

don’t wear it and if he says anything tell him it’s embarassing to wear a phony ring. or you can say “do you want me to buy my own ring” or tell people you bought me a fake cheapo QVC ring? you didn’t put any thought into picking out my ring.

it doesn’t have to be expensive or huge if he put the time and effort in choosing your ring, it could be an heir loom, ebay ring, moissonaite, etc. if he could put that much effort into picking out a bike, what does it say about your ring and you in his life? he should be embarassed maybe that’s why he got mad when you took it to a jeweler

Post # 110
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would begin thinking if this is the man I want to marry seriously… If this is what he will lie about, what else is there he hasnt shared with you?!?!? There is NOT an issue with getting a CZ ring, however there is a HUGE issue with him being deceptive about it…

This is a red flag… and one that I would be so serious about counting my losses and walking away… if he cares so little about something that is to symbolize his love for you… I’d rather have just an eternity band from a man that has financial issues than a fake ring from someone who doesnt have financial issues!

Post # 111
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@SnowInApril:  No where in your post do you say he claimed it was a real stone or that the ring cost a fortune, your assumption is not him lying, its you assuming when you shouldn’t have.

While it sounds pretty cheap of him to only spend $100 on an engagement ring, he is correct in saying you are coming across as materialistic and vain. 

ETA: Honestly, he’s a guy, he probably doesn’t know too much about jewellery and saw that he could get something that pretty much looks the same for thousands cheaper.

Post # 112
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wouldn’t be engaged to this man any longer (unless there was a very, VERY sincere apology involved). But honestly, I don’t know if I could get over it.  What kind of man thinks it’s OK to do something like this.

It was just plain deceitful what he did. Not to mention that he went super cheap, he didn’t even get you a gold ring to go with that CZ. How did he imagine you would never find out? Then he turns it around on you and calls you superficial.

Nothing wrong with a CZ at all but the fact that he didn’t discuss it with you first is a huge issue. And now he’s refusing to even discuss getting a halfway decent ring? Give me a break.

Post # 113
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would be very upset that your fiance was knowingly tried to deceive you. Then he turns around and spends the money he should have invested into your relationship on himself. He sounds very selfish and not ready for marriage. Talk about materialistic…PSH!!!

Post # 114
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@drummerbride:  Omission of such an important fact is to me just as bad as lying. He obviously knew she would assume it was real, and omitted the fact that it wasn’t. It’s deceitful.

Post # 115
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Totally agree with all of the advice here. You are not being materialistic at all.

If you had $100 to spend on a gift for him, and you surprised him with a cheap Wal Mart brand bike

because you don’t see the difference, how would he feel? I’m guessing he’d probably rather have that $100 go toward something more useful like a quality helmet or dirtbike gloves or something instead.

There are some things my husband thinks are important that I just “don’t get”. I honestly can’t really see the difference between watching a local team baseball game vs a Yankee game. But I know my husband can notice the difference, so I would get him the Yankee tickets if I was going to surprise him with a big gift…I certainly wouldn’t get the much cheaper local team tickets and say “but what’s the difference?, It’s still baseball!” When you talk to him again, maybe try comparing something he loves to the ring.

Is his mother’s e-ring/engagement ring diamonique? Or just her fun jewelry?

Even if he doesnt “get” jewelry, he needs to understand that this particular ring is important to you.

Post # 116
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

“I just wanted to add that if your Fiance wasn’t materialistic he would have proudly told the world that he bought you a $100 silver/CZ ring from QVC.  Instead he wanted everyone (including you) to believe that he spent much more money on a gold/diamond ring, so what does that say about him?”

Excellent point!!

Post # 117
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Any updates? I would have flipped to. It’s not fair that he did this without your consent.

Post # 118
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sara_tiara:  Possibly…or it could be a way to find someone who may be able to get through to him regarding how important this is to her.

Post # 119
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@drummerbride:   In OP’s update when they talked this over on the phone, he admitted that he thought she’d never find out. That right there shows intent to lie.  You can mince words, but blaming the OP for assuming that her ring was real when her Fiance didn’t say anything to the contrary is not her fault.  Nor is the way he reacted when she asked him about it. 

Post # 120
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@drummerbride:  Did your fiance propose to you by saying “Will you marry me? I offer you this very expensive diamond ring.” Or “Hey honey…that’s a diamond ring there. Super expensive.” I can’t believe that you are saying SHE’S at fault for assuming, when he CLEARLY wanted her to believe that it was a diamond! Why would he feak out when she found out if he wasn’t planning on fooling her? It was deception, plain and simple.  I’m going to “assume” you didn’t read all of this thread and that’s why you posted that. 

Post # 121
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If there is this much trouble over him over a ring, it might be a huge red flag for the rest of your life…  I’m sorry to say that.  🙁  I know you love him, but you both need to get on the same page.  Marriage is hard enough without wondering your value to him.  

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