Post # 1
…and not only the negative kind. Future Mother-In-Law recently told me I was looking skinny (I’ve been working out but I think I was just wearing a flattering outfit…) Either way, I’m not sure why it bothered me so much. I guess it might be the fact that no one should feel the right to comment on my body, negatively or positively. It’s almost as if it opens the door down the line for people to tell me I’ve gained weight. As someone with lifelong body image issues, I don’t ever feel like anyone has the right to make comments about MY body — positively or negatively. Why do people act like my body is public matter????
Maybe I’m hormonal and over-reacting but I just needed to vent – someone tell me I’m not crazy please?
Post # 3
People just like to give complimets…Would it bother you if they said anything about your appearance? They think you want to hear it, and honestly I think most people do want to hear it. Really positive comments (and sometimes negative, in the case that they are trying to help you) are people trying to be nice.
Post # 4
It’s normal. Weight is a touchy and very personal thing- often a struggle. As people we are quick to judge and easily hurt!
I’m sorry people are saying things about you that make you uncomfortable- stay strong and postive regardless of what people tell ya!
Post # 5
She probably said it because thats what most people like to hear. If someone walked up to me and told me I looked skinny I would be walking on cloud 9 for the rest of the day. I live for the days that someone tells me my outfit makes me look thin or toned or whatever! But that doesn’t mean everyone feels the way I do. I guarantee you she did not in any way mean to hurt or offend you. I’m sorry that it bothered you so much. I think it’s part of our culture now days to comment on peoples looks and unfortunately their weight 🙁
Post # 6
@theredhead: I agree with this. I think she was trying to say something nice and didn’t mean to offend you. My Fiance likes to tell me I’m losing weight, which is nice to hear. The only time it starts annoying me is when he keeps gushing about it, and then I wonder what I must have looked like before lol.
Post # 7
@theredhead: I agree too. I think that anything complimentary makes my day great, but I’m just not picky that way haha. I don’t think it means that later down the line just cause you accepted a compliment you have to also accept an insult, those are never OK.
I go out of my way to compliment people anyway just because I think it evens out some of the negativity, but maybe I should cut back in case people feel similarly to OP.
Post # 8
i totally get it. when someone says i look like i’ve lost weight i get offended. i’ve struggled with my body image most of my life (no matter if i’m up or down, i struggle). when someone tells me i look thinner, i think “so, i guess i normally look fat?” or if i really haven’t lost weight i feel self-conscious like they will realize when i’m wearing a different outfit. i just want no one to ever comment on my looks except generalizations (you look great!) or my face/hair, which i know are perfect 🙂 (kidding!)
i know i’m just being crazy about it, but that’s my one trigger- talking about my weight in any manner.
i’m sure she wasn’t trying to be rude. maybe you could tell her that discussing your weight is a touchy topic? don’t do it at the moment, but another time?
again, i really get it- you’re not alone or wrong.
Post # 9
@mamadingdong: thanks for getting it. 🙂
Everyone else, I understand what you’re saying, maybe I also should have provided some more info. Future Mother-In-Law is very proud and somewhat obsessed with her weight and brags about being in shape – mostly for health and not vanity reasons, but still. She’s pretty healthy about her diet and works out 3-4 times a week. That’s great, good for her. But as someone who’s always struggled with body image issues, and as someone who is finally learning to love themselves and to think less obsessively about food, it just doesn’t feel good to be complimented that way by someone who seems to base a lot of her self-worth on her weight. *shrug* I understand she meant well, I really do. And I recognize that most of this is my own issues. I guess i’m just struggling with getting the courage to tell her that for me, personally, weight should be off-limits…
Post # 10
I completely understand where you are coming from. I have struggled with my weight and have only recently felt like I am in control of my body, although some days are better than others. My Future Mother-In-Law is VERY concerned about her body…she even goes days without eating. So when she told me “you’re looking great, your butt is smaller than it used to be,” I took serious offense to it. As someone who struggles to stay thin, she should know how damaging comments like that can be. I know she didn’t mean to be rude, but even my fiance felt like she crossed line on that one…
Post # 11
As someone who has suffered from an eating disorder that comment was totally out of line. You aren’t supposed to comment on someones weight unless directly asked to by the individual, because like you said, it opens the door for future comments about gaining weight, etc. Also, some people are sick and don’t want to lose the weight so it’s a little presumptious to assume that what you’re saying is a compliment.
I had a binge eating disorder in my early 20’s and gained about 30 lbs from it. Eventually with time and therapy I slowly lost the weight, but it would really piss me off when people complimented me on the weight loss. Part of my disorder was self image and when other people are openly making comments about your body it actually derails someone who is trying to overcome the disorder.
Post # 12
I think that you are overthinking it. I have never heard of anyone who doesn’t want to hear anything positive about themselves. So what if she said that you looked skinny? Maybe you did/do. As you yourself pointed that out. If it makes you feel this bad, you can get the word out through the rumour mill or something that you do not like hearing ANYTHING abt your weight.
But another PP is right though… people in general DO want to hear positive things about their weight. And we shouldn’t have to think TWICE before paying a compliment to someone.
I feel people these days are just TOO touchy and sensitive to everything. (Myself included at times). Relax! If we have to start walking on eggshells for EVERYTHING, then what kind of world would this be? It’s not like she’s insulting you. That’s different and not a good thing. You can call people out on that. But a compliment? C’mon. Take it with a big smile!
Post # 13
I hate it when anyone comments on my weight, even if it’s to say I’m thin, so no, you aren’t crazy.