Post # 1
Me (28) and my Boyfriend or Best Friend (31) are together for more than 3 years. For the past 2 years we talked about getting married – even decided on a date – 29/2/2012 (leap day). Obviously we missed the date. Then we choose 31/12/2012 because our dearest friends are moving away, she is pregnant and won’t be able to fly after December. Yesterday he sent me a text wherein he asked that I must postpone an additional expense until next year because “You want to get married in December”. I thought WE decided to get married in Dec. After that a girl started to flirt with him on Twitter. When I vent about that he said “I was only friendly, what was I suppose to do. I’m not interested in you and xxxxx’s bitch fight”. BITCH FIGHT? I said some things that was really nasty of me, and after a hour I cooled down and appologised. He accepted my appology (but didn’t appologize for his comment). I’m kind of ignoring him today. I’m really upset with him, and he just continues as if nothing is wrong. I don’t even know if he realise that I’m ignoring him. (Not mature, I know)
Everybody asks ME (Including his parents, priest, family and friends) when are we getting married. Hello?!?! I’m not the one that should propose. Every time his mom sees me she will talk for hours about how cheap their wedding was and if you do most of the stuff yourself you wont break the bank. By The Way – the priest actually told me in front of my Boyfriend or Best Friend that I must ligth a fire underneith my Boyfriend or Best Friend – that was quite embarissing.
I found a really nice 1ct ring (that I totally LOVE!!), he agree that it is gorgeous and cheap. Then he told me he can’t afford it. I’m seriously upset about the fact that we talked for 2 year about getting married, and he didn’t even start saving for a ring?
I love him with all my heart, but seriously, sometimes I just want to ligth a fire under his ass. The ring doesn’t matter for me – I don’t care if it is a diamond, sapphire, moissanite or whatever. I care about our future togeter. I am not big on spending – I prefer to cook instead of getting take-outs, I prefer a dvd at home instead of going to the movies, etc. I don’t like restaurants – I think it’s a waste of money. So I don’t expect him to wine and dine me every day (we will spoil ourselfs once every one or two months, but thats it). He have 5k’s extra each month, that he spends on who knows what.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
Post # 3
What actions of his tell you that he loves you and that he’s serious about this? So far he’s been all talk, but where are the actions to follow through on this? Unless there’s more to the story here, it sounds like he’s looking for reasons to postpone (aka he’s not ready to get married).
Post # 4
To his defence I must admit that I did lost my job in Feb, and he paid my car until I found a new job (pay date 20 July). But still, he paid my car out of his extra money. He says he wants to save money now for a ring, but I do feel that he was suppose to start saving the first time we talked about it.
Actions: We did go ring shopping twice (but still – no money for a ring so actually it was useless), and we did went to 2 wedding expos. He was really more excited about the wedding expo than me. He said it is so great to be there and to plan your own wedding. He treat me like a queen, and become upset when someone is upsetting me or bothering me. He do all those cute, little things that I adore so much – like kissing me quick before we enter church and he thinks no-one is watching, holds my hand all the time and bugs me if I don’t take his hand, he’ll message me just to say he loves me and misses me.
Post # 5
Then there’s only 2 things that are happening with all that extra money of his:
1. he’s saving up for a ring
2. he’s spending that money on other stuff (which means the ring isn’t his priority)
Does he have a lot of debt to pay off? If not, then his money is being spent on things he wants, not needs, and he’s showing that his priority is those other things instead of a ring for you.
Post # 6
Maybe I should just relax about it. During our first ring shopping we both liked a ring but I said it was WAY to expensive (one of a kind, hand crafted, flawless 1.5 ct diamond, pave diamonds on top and on the side).
He does have a bit of debt. I can honestly not say if a ring is priority for him (if you take in concideration his comment about “you want to get married in Dec” instead of “we want to”).
I’m just REALLY tired of waiting while everyone is bugging me about an engagement. It doesn’t help that I’m a wedding photographer and have to deal on a daily basis with newly engaged couples and at least 2 weddings a month.
Post # 7
@Jo-anne: One thing, “take a chill pill” Holy hanna, have you got wedding fever. I know how frustrating it can be people are hassling you, you’ve got this timeline in your head going tick tock tick tock. But, you cannot force him to give you a ring. Then it becomes about you and really, the proposal is the one thing at the engagement HE can control, after that, it’s kinda all the bride….which is sad, but true. I’ve also been waiting for over a year now. Don’t be in such a rush, enjoy the here & now….
Post # 8
I dunno, you guys have been together for a long time, and it’s not like you’re 20. I agree with Alaric2012 that you don’t want to push it or end up giving out ultimatums, but at the same time, I can sympathize with feeling as though he isn’t seriously committed. If you are honestly questioning his sincerity here and second-guessing whether he is stringing you along, then I think it’s time to have a serious talk. NOT a lecture, or a tantrum, but a mature, open and honest chat about what your expectations for the future are and what his are.