(Closed) Upset and Annoyed

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

What kind of practical advice are you looking for? Break her legs? Burn down their venue? Honestly I really don’t understand what the issue is. Theyre getting married months before you. You’re overreacting to something that simply isn’t an issue. 

Post # 4
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

So, you’ve been with your Fi for less than 2 years and you were “waiting for a proposal for a long time?” How is that different from someone who has been dating for a little under a year? 

That aside, the only practical advice I have is to just get over it. There is more than 2 months between your wedding. And if they are having a quicky wedding, then let it be that. Your wedding will be wonderful and perfect for you. And theirs will be the same for them. No one is going to care about this but you. So it’s best if you just put on a happy face and let it be. You cant expect everyone to put their lives on hold until you get married. 

Post # 5
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Their wedding is really pretty far out from yours. People won’t start thinking about your wedding until about 2 months before when they’ll receive a wedding invitation, maybe one for a shower or bachelor/bachelorette. In other words, the other couple’s wedding doesn’t affect yours at all. Your wedding is barely a blip on other people’s radar right now. (Seriously, no one cares as much about your wedding as you do.)

A close family member had their wedding less than 2 months before ours and we both are getting plenty of time to enjoy the spotlight. They had a beautiful wedding that was very “them”, and we’ll do the same next month.

Post # 6
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My practical advice is to get over it and worry about your own wedding.

Post # 7
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It seems like there is more to this story here.  Are they having a “hurry up wedding” because someone is ill, is she pregnant, financial circumstances, an upcoming deployment?  There’s got to be a reason and it most likely has nothing to do with “stealing your thunder.”  I don’t mean to sound harsh or rude, but perhaps there are circumstances that you are not privy to that are influencing their choice of wedding date.  I’d enjoy having another bride around to talk weddings with and if you are invited to her wedding, take it as an opportunity to see how her day went and if there’s anything you’d change for yours~like a dress rehearsal of sorts.  <—I obviously wouldn’t mention that to anyone but I’m sure it’s something lots of brides have done.  

Post # 8
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 1993

You need to get over it.  How awful are you going to feel if the reason they need to get married quickly is because one of them has health issues or something serious?

Regardless of their choices, you need to worry only about yourself.  Stop crying. Don’t give your fiance a hard time.  Move forward.

Post # 9
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

When I’m upset about something, my dad also asks, “Can you change it?” If the answer is no, then his advice is not to worry about it. I know that’s simplistic, but rather than focusing your energy on your frustration over this situation, focus it on your own wedding. Find a DIY project or make a list of songs you want the DJ to play or research readings you want people to do at your wedding. Focus on your own wedding rather than theirs. 

I think you should also consider why this bothers you so much. Is it because they are getting married before you, or because you think you’re not getting enough attention, or is there some other insecurity that is affecting you? Because, short of someone choosing a date that conflicts with mine, or deliberately doing something to detract from my wedding, I really can’t think why anothre person’s engagement and wedding would bother me. 

Post # 10
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My practical advice is to focus on things that truly matter in life – and this is definitely not one of them.

Also, the “staying home and crying” thing is concerning, so I guess my other practical advice would be to maybe talk to a counselor or therapist.   Thats not a normal reaction to your FRIEND getting married before you.

Post # 11
3697 posts
Sugar bee

When you got engaged and started making decisions about when to schedule your wedding, was your priority to check with other engaged couples you know and leave lots of breathing room around their plans? I’m guessing no.

For the sake of argument, imagine that you had some friends who were engaged and having a wedding not long after yours. Would you spend a lot of time worrying about their plans and how to tiptoe around them? Again, probably not.

People make wedding plans to suit themselves, and it’s not really their responsibility to worry about other people’s weddings in the process. You need to focus on your own wedding, not worry about that of your friends, and trust that both of you will have a lovely day. Remember: their joy takes nothing away from yours, and vice versa.

Post # 12
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

It’s time to be a grown-up. If you haven’t even been with your fiance for two years, you have no idea what waiting truly feels like. Support your friend and look forward to your own wedding.


Post # 13
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You have to get yourself together and see that some people are going to make choices in their own lives that have nothing to do with you. Perhaps they are getting married due to reasons PP have said (illness, pregnancy, etc…). Perhaps they are getting married quickly just because they want to. You said she is having a hard time, what did you mean by that?

Getting engaged is a happy and exciting time. You should try to think about how happy your friend is and be happy FOR her. I’m sure she was for you! And if not, oh well! Be the bigger person! And there is so much time between the two weddings, do you really think people are going to remember details from one and compare to another? Just some harsh sounding info: No one cares as much about your wedding as you do. If you go into it thinking like that, you will feel much less stressed!

Also just so you know, you won’t get much sympathy from the Bees on this board saying you’ve been waiting less than 2 years for a proposal. There are MANY who have been waiting/waited wayyy longer, myself included (7 years!).

Post # 14
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mandypop:  This.

OP, I know that you came here for support and help and I do think we’re all trying to give you “practical advice”.  The most practical advice to what you’ve shared with us is, (in the gentlest and most compassionate way possible to say this), “Get over it.”

Without knowing the whole story, it’s hard for me to say anything other than, “Why is this even upsetting to you?” You hate that there’s another bride? You don’t like that they moved up their wedding? It makes you mad that they have an emergency and your partner went to help them, so you stayed home crying?  These are all HUGE red flags to me that something much deeper is going on here, something that isn’t normal “hog the spotlight” stuff. 

Rather than focus on your anger, please reflect a bit on *why* you feel this way…..the issue lies with you, not with her/them.  That’s the only way you can work through your negative feelings and move forward.

Post # 15
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yes you’re over reacting, but I think you know this.  What you’re looking for is constructive things to do to help ease your frustrations and jealousies.

Ways to get over it:

1.  Fake it until you  make it:  pretend to be super happy for them until you start to be happy for them

2. Write down all your crazy jealousy and then burn it or tear it up.  Then move on

3.  Go help them like Fiance is.

4.  Pray for them to have a great wedding every single day until your anger is gone.

Post # 16
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry, but I have to agree with PPs. I’m curious as to what, exactly, is upsetting you. The weddings are so far apart that I can’t see a problem with overlapping events. So here are some guesses:

Are you worried they’re going to steal your ideas? If so, I hate to say it, but there are no new ideas, everybody copies everyone else, so just get over it.

Or are you upset that you aren’t getting enough attention during the planning process? If so, it’s time to realize that your friends probably don’t really care that much about your planning process. And that will be true regardless if there is another wedding going on or not.

Are you jealous that she got engaged/married faster than you? If so, just trust that the timing was right for you and your guy. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to get into anything too fast, and at this point you’re engaged and planning your wedding  so why worry about it?

Or maybe you’re upset about something else I didn’t think of?

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