(Closed) Upset and Annoyed

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@westcoastbabe:  I guess I just assumed that you staying home to cry when he left meant that you were upset that he went? Why else were you crying? 

i’m sorry I don’t mean to sound so mean but I honestly can’t understand what the problem here is? Her wedding is no where near yours. I really think you need to not be bothered by what others are doing and stop thinking that their actions are strategic in bringing you down. This sounds Extremely unhealthy.

Also, are you in the wedding? I can’t imagine her calling you for favors if you weren’t. And if you are, she will be able to understand why you might have wedding plans of your own that day and are busy or unable to always be there to help her out, in which case I’m sure she will have no problem finding someone else to help her. Though as a good friend, I think you should find the time -assuming you are CLOSE friends. 

Your thread hits home a little to me. I have a friend who was engaged for a year before they picked a date. They finally settled on October of next year. My bf and I are not engaged yet, he just placed the ring order two days ago. We are shooting for early fall of next year for a wedding. I can’t possibly imagine my friend being upset that our wedding will most likely be before hers (if all goes as planned). We’re long distance, have a timeline, and are sick and tired of being apart all the time and certainly are not going to change our schedule and what we want for someone else. Of course I wouldn’t pick the weekend of her wedding, but other than that, any Saturday is fair game. I honestly can’t see her caring either. We’re not in each other’s wedding and will be planning our own shindigs. 

Post # 49
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

And you’re friends with her because?….

If you dont like her why remain “friends”? 

If you dont want to help her the dont. say no. Very simple.

Post # 50
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@westcoastbabe:  Well in this case, you have the perfect excuse to not be able to. Besides, your weddings aren’t close so it’s not like you won’t be able to help with hers if you wanted, and she could still help you with yours without it interfering really in your own bridal schedules. 

Post # 51
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

OP – didnt you just post two weeks ago about another friend who got engaged and you thought it was stealing your thunder (the post was titled “stolen thunder” I believe)?  I mean, if this is a pattern for you, that you can’t handle not being the center of attention, or being happy for other people in your life, thats pretty unhealthy, and worth speaking to a professional about.

 

Post # 52
Member
3198 posts
Sugar bee

I know I’m a little late to this party, but I would say if you are still upset about this, give yourself one night to cry about it and have a pity party and address all your fears with yourself. In the morning, pick yourself up off the floor and vow that you’ve put it behind you. Don’t share details with your “friend” and if she starts in on the criticism just tell her that you think your ideas are lovely and as it is your wedding that is what matters. 

You’ll find that you won’t get much sympathy from bees in situations like this because it seems like you are unwilling to do anything but just lay down and take the abuse and rudeness that your friend dishes out. If you want her to be nice to you, stop just going along with the maltreatment. It doesn’t help anyone to just “go with the flow” or “be nice” and let other people take advantage of you. 

Post # 53
Member
3110 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@mandypop:  I saw the same thing but I know people get sensitive about bringing up past posts! My guess is that it’s the same friend??? 

Post # 54
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Everyone is entitled to be upset over what they think is relative in “their” world.  I don’t understand why threads like this get so much negative input.  If you don’t agree with what someone says and have nothing nice to help her with then maybe you shouldn’t say anything.  Sometimes I think some women thrive on this.

Post # 56
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think that since there is a 3 month gap in between that u should not be so upset by this. Id only be upset if it were like a week or two before yours. I was with my hubby for 5 years before we got engaged and then had another 13 months engagement period before the wedding. I have a close friend who was only with her guy for exactly 2 years before he proposed and then they got married 9 months later, which came out to be 1 month after my wedding. I will admit that If she did have hers before mine, I would have been a little bit upset because i wanted some thunder of my own… but also more concerned since she was a bridesmaid but it ended up working out and wasnt a big deal. we just celebrated that all of us were getting married in the same year and how crazy of a year it was! U should just be happy u found the man of your dreams ..

Lastly, be happy in this way she is doing you a favor, you will learn from her mistakes in wedding planning, and you can relax and take your time, and the fact is that you may actually have an even BETTER wedding than her becuase you had more time to plan! Tongue Out

Post # 57
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

Stolen Thunder!

Same friend in that thread? Or another one? Seriously, grow up! You get ONE day. ONE! Be happy for your friends. If you can’t, I don’t know why you are still friends.

Post # 58
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ OP: two years is no way too long so dont feel too bad, we dated for 3 years until he proposed and we still fell dont want to rush into a wedding, so we will have 2 years engagement. Most of our friends get married after 2-3 years, some even 4 years, imo wedding is more about commitment / agreement that we will share our life together and luckily that we can share the moment with our guests, so shouldnt let your friend’ marriage affect your wedding ( who sounds to me not important to you anyway). I have friends are getting married, and married before me too, and they tried to give me their opinions, i listen to them with open mind, everyone is different with what they like/ dislike, at the end you will be the one who makes decisions and see what fit you the best. I wouldnt be careless about what she says/ saying if you dont want to listen to. Maybe she just tries to be helpful in her own way. 

Post # 59
Member
9034 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Carolyn72:  Sorry but just because it isn’t what you want to hear doesn’t make it negative or not nice. It is kind of like saying that if I posted murder is great and I don’t understand why everyone is against it then all posters should either agree with me, placate me or not post at all?

Sometimes people need to hear things from people who are not afraid to give a dose of reality as opposed to those who would just validate.

 

 

Post # 60
Member
3110 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@westcoastbabe:  You don’t have to watch what you say but you should expect honest responses if you’re asking for opinions and advice. You’re being immature so people will tell you. If you only want people to agree with you, the Internet is not your place. Start with your grandma maybe.

Post # 61
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I wish I had another friend of mine to talk wedding things with!  I only have the bee and even then I feel bad posting and asking SO many questions!  No one wants to talk about your wedding all the time, so there is no thunder to steal.  No one cares about it! 

Seriously you both could be having fun with this and two months is nothing! She is not even related to you!

I think that the exception I may be *upset for a minute* is if this was a sister or future sister in law.  Because it may get over whelming for the parents to have two weddings a few months apart.  

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