Post # 77
@j_jaye: Sometimes people need to hear things from people who are not afraid to give a dose of reality as opposed to those who would just validate.
Well all I have to say is thanks for reading the entire original post in detail. You may recall I didn’t ASK for criticism, I asked for practical advice. No one responds well to harsh criticism. No one. Without support and understanding, we’re not just going to change. You all telling me that I’m immature doesn’t help me accept this situation for what it is.
NONE of you know me. The only thing you know is that incident upsets me. You’re telling me to grow up when all you know are my FEELINGS not my actions! Wouldn’t it be really immature for me to spout this all over facebook or say really passive agressive things to this couple? Yeah it would be very immature. I’m talking about the feelings I have INSIDE of my head on an anonymous forum rather than acting out.
What’s immature? Jumping to conclusions about someone else’s life based on ONE incident. I’m sure everyone berating me on this thread has also had feelings not based on logic. How many poems and songs have we heard where someone’s emotions were stronger than reasoning? It’s human.
Post # 78
It sounds like it’s because of the relationship you have with your friend that you’re upset. From what you said, she sounds very competitive and it’s making you feel like it is a competition. Try to remember that it’s not. Noone will be comparing your wedding to hers, noone is thinking that one wedding is more important than another just because the date is closer.
I agree with the advice to just play your cards close to your chest. Say “oh we haven’t decided yet” or even “I’m trying to not to tell too many details about our wedding so it can be a surprise for everyone” I use the last one a bit because Fiance and I are both such blabbermouths it feels like everyone will know every last detail before the day!
As far as practical advice? The only other thing I can think of is to pay attention to all the differences between your weddings, not the similarities. Focus on just how much of your wedding is a reflection of you and your fiance.
Post # 79
@westcoastbabe: When you feel frustrated that she got engaged after such a short time, try to remind yourself that it doesn’t mean she’s more valuable in some way. You know your fiance better than she knows hers and probably will have a lot less stress in the early part of your marriage than she will.
I have no idea why she moved her wedding up, but try not to take it personally. Look at it as an opportunity. You’ll get to see anything that doesn’t work or goes poorly and will be able to avoid it for your own wedding. Also, her date coming sooner doesn’t make your wedding less important. Her wedding coming so soon after such a quick engagement means she hasn’t had the time needed to plan all the wonderful details you have.
Since she’s a bit pushy, if I’m understanding you correctly, divert any wedding discussions to her wedding and avoid sharing the details of yours with her, so she can’t belittle them. I’m sure you’ve got much more positive people in your life to share with.
It’s unfortunate that you forsee her importuning you and your fiance, but try to think of it as good karma. I believe what you put into the universe, you get back. Allow yourself to feel badly for a moment once in a while, but then take a deep breath, pull back from the situation and get a little perspective.
Post # 80
My practical advice comes from your own words: “just get over it, you’re not the only bride in town,” and “stop being such an attention whore trying to hog the spotlight.”
Except I don’t like the word whore, so I would have changed that part. Either way, it’s sage advice.
Post # 81
Things just work out this way sometimes, you can let it get you down, or you can laugh it off and find the good. I understand being upset, it probably feels like the other couple is stealing your thunder, and I have a similar situation happening (2 weeks before my date!). There’s nothing you can do though. Take a deep breath and remember that their wedding really has no impact on yours, unless you let it! Here are a few positives to focus on:
1. Your wedding is still months apart from theirs, (if they were trying to hurt you in any way they would have picked the same day or something, so them moving up the date probably had more to do w/ a health issue…career issue…venue issue…)
2. They will be going through all of the wedding planning before you, so you can learn from their mistakes! Attend their wedding and see first hand the “do’s and don’ts”!
3. You have more time to plan out a great wedding then they will have. It’s never a good idea to rush into a wedding, you and your Fiance waited till the time was right and that is absolutely the right thing to do.
4. You’re marrying the person you love, who cares about all the other drama! : )
Post # 82
@westcoastbabe: No one said it wasn’t human and a lot of posters even said that you can be upset but also said that you need to get over it and be happy for the couple.
The fact that you have reacted so negatively to the more honest opinions should indicate to you via human nature that even you feel there is something wrong with what you are feeling. People with doubts about their actions usually respond defensively or feel attacked when someone points out how bad/wrong/immature/misguded/diabolical (or any other word that would suit the individual situation) the situation is.