(Closed) Upset and hurt by no card, no gift, no party from my two bosses

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you confront your boss/ bosses about receiving nothing for your wedding?
    Talk to him/ her and explain why you are upset by this : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Ignore your boss/ bosses : (4 votes)
    5 %
    Let it go, like nothing happened : (71 votes)
    90 %
    Explain to your boss that if they are going to do it for one person, they should do it for all. : (3 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think that you should never expect any type of gift from anyone.  That being said, it is super awkward that they would go all out for one employee and do nothing for another.  It really seems like favouritism.  It could be because they were invited to the other wedding and not to yours, but they shouldn’t be using the workplace as a time for the parties if they’re not going to do it for everyone. 

    I wouldn’t talk to them about it though…I think you have to let it go.  It’s too late now, but maybe before you got back from your honeymoon you could have gotten one of your coworker friends to casually say to them, “Hey, are we going to do anything for tanabanana85 when she gets back just like we did for _______?”

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @tanabanana85: That’s very unfortunate 🙁 Were your bosses possibly invited to the co-worker’s wedding?

    I only invited a couple people including both of my bosses – one of whom went in with a group of people to throw a shower for me and another lady getting married shortly after me. It was very nice and much appreciated. Since then they have all asked to see pics, how’s married life – all what you’d expect.

    The other boss never bothered to RSVP, and I never asked her about it as I assumed she wouldn’t be attending. A couple days before the wedding I met with her in her office, and there right under her computer monitor was my invitation. I had mailed it to her home so she obviously brought it in for some reason and then found no need to rsvp. She has never asked how the wedding went or showed any interest at all in it. Which is fine, but then when I hear her asking the other lady who got married (who is in a diff dept. and they do not work together on anything) how everything went, it is a bit hurtful.

    I don’t really think you can say anything, but just be aware of it going forward if you think they are playing favorites and such. That’s really sad though – you’ve been there that long and they don’t feel the need to acknowledge such an exciting event in your life.

    Edit: Sorry, I see they did attend the other wedding – maybe as firsttimemom said they took it as you didn’t wish to have them involved – but even then, the other shower should have been an outside of work event in that case.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1835 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I agree it doesn’t create the best work environment when you go all out for one person and do nothing for the next – but I also think it’s in bad taste to expect anything from anyone. 

    You did say that the bosses attended the co-worker’s wedding. I’m sure it’s a really sucky situation to be in, but they weren’t invited to celebrate at your wedding – maybe they took it as a signal that you didn’t want their involvement in your wedding at all?

    Post # 7
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    are you the person that usually handles everything party/gift collection/social moral wise? if yes then i wonder if its because no one else thought to do something.  also as you didnt invite them, did you keep the wedding talk/attention to a minimum in the office? if yes then maybe they thought you didnt want a big deal made of it

    i understand your hurt feelings over this – there should be a all for one policy and the ball was dropped on this one. if this was me i would keep quite and file it away and move on – its in the past and anything done now will be an after thought

    Post # 8
    Member
    1199 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @tanabanana85: Were there any policy changes or financial changes since the wedding 4 years ago?  At my office, we used to have the whole department gather for a formal shower with cake, gifts, etc, and the company paid for it.  We’ve gone through many changes in the 6+ years at my company, and now it is on the manager’s own dime to throw any kind of shower (unless coworkers are also contributing to a gift). 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I’m sorry you feel neglected!  Unfortuneately there really isn’t anything you can do.  If it makes you feel any better, my boss tried to get me fired the week before I was taking time off for the wedding!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1577 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Yeah.. my feelings would be hurt too.  I know people say that you shouldn’t “expect” anything, but come on!  Being realistic, if you’ve worked somewhere for 5 years (which is FOREVER nowadays) and you’ve taken part in celebrations for a coworker for the SAME life milestone, it’s only natural that you would think the same celebrations would take place when it’s your turn. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    You’re not entitled to this. So for you to bring it up is extremely unprofessional.

    But I do for the record understand you’re pissed I would be to.

    Post # 12
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    So, the last marriage at your work was four years ago?  Is it possible there was another wedding/marriage and that person did not receive a party either? 

    I think it would be extremely unprofessional for you to mention it or ignore your bosses.  These people sign your paychecks. I would not piss them off.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2114 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I am with PPs on this one – although is bizarre and rude, you really shouldnt bring it up . 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2607 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @JoJo Bananas: If it makes you feel any better, my boss tried to get me fired the week before I was taking time off for the wedding!

    Ha! My boss tried to fire me too, a month before the wedding!  I don’t think it had anything to do with the wedding…there were management changes and they were “cleaning house” to try to get rid of all the current department leads, (retail job), but they KNEW about the wedding and yet yanked me into the office to tell me I was on “probabtion” anyway, (I’d been with the company for five years at that point, longer than both of the managers who decided to start getting rid of people).  It was like, “You couldn’t have waited until AFTER the wedding to send me home in tears?”

    OP: Yeah, it really sucks, and even if you shouldn’t expect a gift, card, or party, it’s still hurtful, especially when it was done for another coworker.  But it’s probably best not to bring it up.

    Post # 15
    Member
    5183 posts
    Bee Keeper

    My feelings would be hurt too but maybe she got all of that because they were invited/invested in her wedding? Either way, they are your bosses..not your friends. don’t bother bringing it up. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    5890 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    you can’t bring this up without it affecting their persona of you, unfortunately.  it isn’t fair, but i think the only thing you can do is if they decide to throw any kind of big production for someone else’s wedding in the future, casually mention somehow that it seems wrong to do that for some people and not others.  as someone else described, the economic climate has certainly changed from four years ago to today, and while there’s no excuse for not getting you at least a card, maybe they aren’t able to do what they could four years ago.

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