(Closed) Upset at an RSVP

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

“This is her 29th b-day – not that special!”

Who are you to decide what birthday should be considered special to her?  At least she is taking the time out of her probably busy schedule to take you to lunch to explain her reasoning to you.  That is a whole lot more considerate of your feelings than you are being of hers right now.  And while you attended her wedding over your birthday weekend, that doesn’t mean she has to do the same for you…friendships aren’t about keeping score.  Accept her decline with kindness and try to maintain your friendship, because there are FAR worse things that can happen.

Post # 4
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

@5292010: Ouch.

I think I would be bummed if someone I considered a good friend chose their birthday (which happens every year) over my wedding.

And I’m also someone who loves birthdays and makes a pretty big deal out of them, too.

Post # 5
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@snuggielove: while that scenario is upsetting, i’d just hear her out for now.  maybe there is more to it than that.

Post # 6
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’d be upset if a good friend of mine couldn’t come.  I don’t think that having that reaction is inconsiderate… it’s normal.  Cut the OP some slack, she didn’t say she was going to b*tch her out or anything.

Post # 7
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

While I agree with 5292010 I don’t agree with the way she said it (snarky much?!?).  But anyway…

Go to lunch with her and find out what is going on.  Don’t be upset with her but be gracious.  A wedding is not a good reason to ruin a friendship. 

On the bright side, she is one less person you have to worry about feeding! (j/k)

Post # 9
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d hear her out before getting upset. She may have a valid reason for not being able to attend. I think she is doing the mature thing and showing that your friendship is valuable to her by going out to lunch and explaining herself. I couldn’t ask for more in a friend if for some reason she had to miss my wedding.

Post # 10
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@snuggielove: of course it is okay to post these kinds of things! pay no attention to the one snarky comment. =)

Post # 11
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

Well technically she hasn’t declined.  You assumed it from her response to your email.  She may have a different explanation.  Don’t jump the gun.  It is nice of her to want to talk to you about her RSVP.  Perhaps then you can express your feelings as necessary.  Sometimes folks don’t realize how important things are to someone until they see their reaction. 

Post # 12
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Please accept my apologies for the snarky comment.  It came off entirely worse than I intended.  Thank you to the other posters for keeping me in check.

Post # 13
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@snuggielove: That really sucks. I think I take things like that personally, so I feel your pain. One of my closest friends just told me she has another wedding to go to the day of my wedding! I’m sad, especially because she is part of my wedding (playing during the ceremony). I hope she can still attend…

Anyway, if I were your friend, I’d try to make it work. It’s not like birthdays always conveniently fall on the weekend so I’d imagine she celebrates (or takes trips) on the weekend before or after her birthday some years. It would be pretty selfish to not take your wedding date into consideration while planning her birthday plans. You can’t really do much in this situation, just try not to get too bummed out about it. You have to expect not everyone can make it. There will be plenty of other people there who care about you and share your day!

Post # 14
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Aw, that would be heartbreaking! I can’t imagine having a good friend not come to my wedding. Keep us updated!

Post # 15
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Don’t get upset at her when you don’t know why she won’t be able to make it. Sometimes something just comes upa nd she won’t be able to make it, whatever the reason, you can’t get angry at her thinking your plans are more important than hers.

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