Post # 1
I’ve been engaged for 2 weeks and it’s really been rough. FI & I have been dating for 6 years & living together for 4, so a lot of the response has been “Oh, he finally did it.” Lots of bubble bursting for me, since I am still excited, and I didn’t know he was finally going to do it!
We told my mom right away. The next day I talked to my sister and I said my mom didn’t seem excited when we told her. My sis said that my mom said I didn’t seem excited. Well I didn’t seem that excited in front of my mom because my mom is really awkward and I was scared she was going to ruin my excitement, so I didn’t want to put myself out there.
My mom travels a lot so she then went away for a week. When she left we were talking a 2013 wedding. For various reasons over that week we changed our minds to a 2014 wedding. Well she emails me and asks, did we change the date for her (because she’s traveling June 2013 which was my first choice of date). I wrote back, “That and other reasons. I don’t mind having it in 2014, do you?” She writes back, “cant answer that q honestly.” Um, passive aggressive much? I wish she were different and I don’t know why I have known her for 28 years and I still keep wishing it even though it’s not realistic. I also wish I could separate myself from feeling so emotional. It will be fine but I just don’t feel fine right now.
Post # 3
Hey lady! I’m sorry. 🙁 My mom and sister are kind of the same way. When we got engaged I called my mom 20 minutes after it happened and she said “Well that’s nice. Did you pick a date?”. My charming sister said (in a very monotone voice) “That’s good. I know you’ve wanted this for a long time”.
My suggestion is just let it go. I know it’s hard and your feelings are hurt. I don’t blame you one bit. But your mom is who she is and you can’t change her. Who knows the reason why she’s acting the way she is. Maybe she’s stressed at work. Or dealing with some stuff. Or maybe she doesn’t get emotional about things (for the record – that was an exact quote by my mom).
Instead of worrying about her – focus on the fact that you are getting married! Spend time with people who are excited for you (your friends, FI’s family, people at work). I don’t care if you and your Fiance have been together for 20 years…you still have every right to be excited as the next bride.
And finally….CONGRATS!! 🙂
Post # 4
@coolbride125: Thanks for your sweet & understanding response!
Post # 5
I have a few family members who are a little dysfunctional, but I choose to have them in my life and overlook a lot of their weird behavior. Everytime I consciously choose to overlook something they do that I don’t like, I tell myself I’m choosing to have them in my life and diffuse the drama. I’m in control.
That aproach might not work for everyone, but it’s been empowering for me.
Post # 6
I’m sorry to hear your mom isn’t being supportive during what is supposed to be one of the most exciting times in your life.
I would go ahead and plan your wedding for when YOU want it. You will get married once. She can travel any other time.
Post # 7
My mom acted the same, and I was upset about it. However, it was because she saw things I didn’t.
If you are happy about it, you need to tell her. Tell her exactly how you feel? Sorry she wasn’t as excited as you would have liked.
Post # 8
Update: I went over to my mom’s house to talk and she didn’t even realize that I was upset. ::facepalm::
@00Elise00: She said she is excited for me, but since her mom wasn’t around when she was wedding planning, she doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do.
@arsing89: True. I have a feeling she would come even if she’d made travel plans – she was just trying to plan ahead.
@RedAngelDreamer: My mom is good hearted but a horrible communicator. And as part of that she has weird ways of interpreting things.
Post # 9
Aww I am glad to see this update! Now that you know she does care and just doesn’t know what to do, maybe it will get better as long as you can tell her what you want from her 🙂
Post # 10
@Utopia4us: Yup I hope that is the case. Well-intentioned & oblivious is not so bad!