(Closed) upset bridesmaids…help!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Bunni0929:  i have read so many bm stories lately.  your wedding is a year away.  i would suggest waiting about 6 months to see which of your close friends are really your friends.  the ones that don’t shy away when you have wedding stuff to do.  the ones who are truly supportive of you, your wedding and all of the stuff that goes along with the big day.  these are the girls that you want to be bms and then 2 months before the wedding you won’t have to post about dumping a bm for not contributing.

honestly, your not so close friends should not be offended if they are not chosen to be bms.

Post # 4
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Bunni0929:  It can be difficult because relationships can change so much over time. I think most people – even if hurt – are understanding. I have a couple of friends who I really wanted to ask, but ultimately didn’t due to circumstance…and they get it….they even still talk to me…lol. I talked to them about it because I am very close with them and explained that it was a difficult decision but I felt I was making the best choice for my wedding day. If I hadn’t talked to them in some time, I probably would have never even brought it up to them.


How many friends are you planning on asking? You could always say it’s a numbers thing – you don’t want too many, or your fiance doesn’t have enough on his side. Better yet, you really don’t even have to bring it up at all if you don’t want to. I’m sure they will understand, but if they ask you about it, you could give them your reasoning – though I doubt they would actually ask. I mean if you havent talked to them in a long time, they might even find it weird if you asked them and feel conflicted themselves, seeing as they would have to buy a dress, and ultimately play some sort of role in the planning and everything else.


I think you should just stick with your closest friends who you have a close and constant relationship with.


…and don’t feel bad about it 😉

ETA I agree with the above poster and maybe give it a little bit of time before you ask anyone. You want to give them time to get a bridesmaid dress, but at a year away, you never know what can change between now and then. I jumped the gun and asked 2 of my friends immediately, and then afterwards dealt with the conflicting feelings of whether or not I should ask others…and now, at 8 months out, I’m even questioning whether I even want a bridal party at all.


Post # 8
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Bunni0929:  I can completely relate, and my advice is to just invite the friends you’re not so tight with now, and have your closest friends be your BMs. I have a friend who WAS my BEST friend since Kindergarten. We ended up going to separate high schools and colleges, and sort of kept in tought through those times. I then find out that she’s getting married on Facebook. I congratulated her, of course, and went on. We get about a month away from the day of, and still no invite. I PMed her on FB and told her how happy I was for her and even mentioned that I kept waiting on the invite. Never got a response or an invite. I guess the moral to the story is, I was more hurt not to have received an invitation than I was about not being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I knew that we had drifted apart and didn’t blame her for not including me in her wedding, I would have just liked to have been invited.

Just do what your gut tells you, and don’t sacrifice the bridal party of your dreams for fear of hurting someone else’s feelings. 🙂 Those friends who you aren’t so close with anymore will certainly understand if they aren’t a part of your wedding. The distance you feel can be felt on their end too, I’m sure! No one can blame you for having your absolute CLOSEST ladies standing by your side, and if they do, then they are just petty and silly! Best of luck in your planning!

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