Post # 1
We have been married for over 2 years, together for 7. Kids were discussed and agreed upon throughout relationship. Now, everytime I bring up the TTC conversation, he just says “eventually”. Sometimes he will tease and say “lets go make a baby” but he is just teasing and doesn’t realize this upsets me even though I tell him. I am 28, he is 32. He knows I wanted to have my kids in my 20s…well time is running out. I also have long irregular cycles but he thinks it will happen on the first try. Any time I try to have a conversation about it, it ends with me getting really mad at him. I can’t help it. How do I deal with this? Counseling is definately out of the question… he doesn’t believe in it.
Post # 3
🙁 There’s something wrong with your SO being completely unable to have a serious discusison about this. Try again, and don’t stop talking about it until a conversaiton happens. Good luck.
Post # 4
Aww *HUGS* and sorry he’s acting this way. I agree with Asia, try and have a conversation with him and stay calm. Best of luck!
Post # 5
Since his answer to all your TTC converstaions is “Eventually” I would wait for a good time to talk to him. I’d tell him “I need to talk to you. Can I have a few minutes of your attention? Everytime we talk about starting a family your answer is “eventually” and that answer isn’t very fair to me. I know becoming parents is going to change our lives but I feel like I’m ready but when you can’t give me an answer more than eventually it makes me think you’re stalling. What exactly is your apprehension?” He needs to be open and honest or else this could turn into a bigger issue.
Post # 6
I hate that so many men are against counseling – the questions counseling brings up help tremendously! I think you should have a serious talk about a timeline and what is stopping him from wanting to try/what he wants to perhaps accomplish before TTC.
My husband and I were both just in the “eventually” crowd but when we talked about a timeline, we decided to start trying sooner than we had initially talked about (we told everyone at our wedding not to expect babies for a loooong time lol) because we realised we had both changed our minds – apparently we had both wanted to have a baby but didn’t want to bring it up! So for us, talking about it definitely helped clear the air.
Communication issues are HUGE for relationships – even if he doesn’t want a counselor, he should realise you both need to work on being open with eachother. It may be a little awkward at first, but you come out of it with a much better understanding and closeness.
Post # 7
@MrsSnowAngel: You don’t need counseling for this situation unless there is something more that you haven’t told us. This is a simple disagreement. Yes, he should take the situation more seriously and be clearer regarding his thoughts on timing, but he is obviously not ready for kids. It’s a mistake to have kids if both parties aren’t ready.
Your problem is that he won’t honestly communicate with you about it, not that he isn’t ready for kids.