- Pink Bubbalicious
- 10 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
So let me give you the back story: (names obviously changed!)
I met Andrew when I was 14 years old on my very first day as a freshman in highschool. It was very stereotypical: I was a cheerleader and he was on the football team. He was a year older than me and a bad ass with a good heart who was drawn to me: the nice innocent girl with a ton of friends who thought he was all wrong. We had a pretty typical high school relationship- he was my first everything and I loved him with all my heart even sometimes when he didn’t deserve it. We stayed together pretty much all through highschool and he graduated and went to a college 3 hours away which to me was the end of the world. We tried really hard to make it work but when he came home from Christmas break he admitted that he wanted space and freedom to enjoy college. I was heartbroken and was pretty sure I was never going to get over it. I cut him out of my life completely, convinced it was the only way to get over him: I deleted his number, changed mine, blocked his email & facebook, etc.I hurt a lot but eventually picked up the pieces of my heart.
I met Mr.Bubbalicious as a freshman in college. He was the complete opposite of Andrew and it was pretty much love at first sight. I was protective of my heart for a while because I didn’t want to be hurt again but after 4 months of taking it slow, being friends, and “dating” we became official. Now 5 years later we are getting married and I’m happier than ever.
About a year ago I got curious and decided to creep on Andrew. I unblocked his profile and read his info & posts and looked at his pictures. I didn’t add him as a friend but I left the profile unblocked. To my surprise the very next day he friend requested me and messaged me saying “OMG I’ve been trying to find you forever. Hope you are doing well”. I was shocked. I accepted the friend request but never sent anything back mainly because I would feel guilty doing so. I periodically checked his site but never saw anything major of interest.
So last night I was browsing through local photographers blogs looking for inspiration ideas for the wedding and to my shock there was Andrew with a girl I went to high school with. Apparently they are engaged and getting married in 2 months. I read the little blog that said “they’ve known each other since high school and just realized they are more than friends. got engaged over Thanksgiving and are getting married in March”.
This was shock bees, and I think thats a normal reaction: what I was surprised about was the pain. I felt a deep ache in my heart and before I could even realize it I had tears streaming down my face. For a second I was back in high school reliving the hurt that I felt when I realized he was no longer mine. My logical mind was saying “don’t be silly! You have been engaged for a year and are getting married in April it’s fine!” but my emotional brain was saying “OMG OMG OMG”.
I tried to tell myself that it was just the shock that was causing my emotions to go bananas, but today it was all i could think about. I litterally sat at work and thought all day about our realtionship, where it went wrong, when these two got so close, wondering how he proposed to her, wondering how his mom took the news. I’m so tempted to write him an email on facebook… for what reason I don’t know. I don’t want to be with him- I completely LOVE Mr.Bubbalicious and have no second thoughts- I just am having such a hard time with this and for some reason I feel like I can’t keep silent.
What do you think this means? Be brutally honest because I’m at a complete loss. 3 days ago I was happy as a clam basking in soon to be married bliss: today I’m a crazy trainwreck who goes through brutal emotions of hurt, anger, and sadness all mixed in with wedding planning!