(Closed) Upset MOB

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am sorry, but dont quiet understand. You are upset your daughter is not coming to you when she could never come to you before? I dont mean to be harsh, but I guess I just dont understand how she is safer without her parents. I understand your upset, but I guess I just dont understand the situation fully enough I give advice. I hope things go well for your daughter and that you are able to be there for her wedding.

Post # 4
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Also I would never bring up a daughters past to her Fiance. It is not your place, and not something a mother should ever do

Post # 5
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Your daughter was adopted by someone else. So whilst you are her biological mother, I don’t see why she would feel like she needs to include your SO over who she obviously considers to be her father. 

Don’t dredge up the past, if you think not going to the wedding will cause problems, then this will be WWIII. 

Just try to be happy in that she is happy and finally safe and starting her own family. It sucks that you aren’t a part of that as much as you’d like, but life is like that, bittersweet. 

Post # 8
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Sorry you are hurt but I agree with previous posters. You said yourself you arranged for your daughter to live near this man, and now you are upset that he is involved in her wedding. I would say the most loving options you could take would be to a) go and support her with or without your SO or b) politely decline. If she asks why you can give her the reasons you listed here but ultimately her wedding is hers, and it is up to her to decide who she feels closest to or who she wants to walk her down the aisle. It doesn’t mean she loves you or your SO any less.

I am sure it would mean a lot to her to have her mother attend her wedding.  I would be heartbroken if mine missed it because she was upset with me.

Post # 10
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Your post makes you come across like a MOMZILLA who is angry that her daughter’s wedding day isn’t all about her and so has resorted to name calling.

Post # 11
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is a tough situation, but it seems to me like she’s been out of your life for so long and if she’s adopted (even though it was without your consent right? the story really confused me) she is going to be the one to dictate your involvement, in my opinion. Although I understand others will disagree with me here, I have to go with the other posters, thats my opinion

Also, do not dredge up her past! You said yourself she got her act together, went to college, changed her life. It just seems now like you’re trying to mess up her life like you feel she did to you… do not do it! She admits she was wrong and has changed (you say)

Post # 12
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Not once in your post did you say “my daughter.”

I would let things be. relationships go both ways. I would be there if you want to so that she knows you care…unless you’d rather not have her come to you in the future.

Post # 13
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Its important for you to try harder to develp a bond without selfishness.

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m confused…so are you two just upset that her Fiance asked this other man for her hand in marriage? I don’t see why that should upset your SO. You and him were the ones who decided she would be better off without the two of you raising her. WHy would you expect to be the most involved ones when you yourself decided that she would be better off living away from the two of you?  You basically said that you don’t have a relationship with your daughter right now. It sounds like what it going on is a direct consequence of the fact that you chose to not raise her and have her live somewhere else. That was YOUR choice, not hers, so stop punishing her over it.

 

She is not ‘going bridezilla’, she is having a natural reaction of being upset that her mom who basically gave her away now wants to be super-involved and have her and SO get their way. When she was a difficult child you sent her away, now that she is an adult and turned her life around you think she should treat you like any other MOB and you and your SO should get to do all of the special things with her. That is not fair, you don’t get to pick and choose when you want to be a parent. The lack of relationship between you two is not her fault, she was just a child when that started, and now SHE gets to dictate the relationship between you and her, not the other way around.

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