Post # 1
Okay bees, this is more or less me venting! MY brother just texted me to tell me that my dad got my mom a trip to California for Valentine’s day. Granted, they are going to Cali for my cousin’s wedding. However, the part that just KILLS me is that they continiosuly tell me that they have absolutly no money to help out at all for my wedding!
When I first got engaged, my mother told me that she was not going to consider the ring as an engagment ring but rather as a promise ring. I told her, no this is an engagement ring. She gave me every excuse in the book as to why I shouldnt get married–too young, still in school, he’s from hometown and thus wouldnt want to move away, etc. Since then I have graduated, we bought our first home, both have jobs in career field (not the ideal jobs, but its a start in this economy), and have set the date 2 1/2 years after gettin gengaged. All this time, she has not been very supportive or accepting. However, his family accepted me with open arms and my dad’s side of the family accepted him too. My mom’s side has slowly accepted him, more or less I think not to get on my mom’s bad side.
When ever my mom talks to me about the wedding, on the very very rare and few occasions, it is to bring up how she simply cannot afford to help with the wedding. Orriginally I told her okay and that I would love if they helped in other ways as well. But now that my brother just told me they are going to Cali I am so pissed that they can afford airfare and hotel halfway across the country yet cant pay the $100 bill for the church (which was to make my parents and their families happy that it was in a church), the cake bill, the transportation bill or anything of that sort where its not too terribly expensive. Where as my fiance’s family is helping with the food, the reception, DJ, and alcohol bills (and they are not any better off financialy)
Am I just taking this the wrong way? Do I have the right to be upset they are going on a vacation when they refuse to help with their own daughter’s wedding? Should I bring this up to them or just let it slide by and know that my future in laws are amazing and accepting?
Post # 3
I understand that you’re upset – but honestly your parents don’t have to help with your wedding. Getting married and having a wedding was your choice. Would it be nice? Sure
I wouldn’t bring it up with them. I don’t see what good it would do.
Post # 4
@amhuelskamp: It’s not your parents responsibility to pay for your wedding. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to pay for it.
Post # 5
I totally see why you are angry, but agree with the above. My best advice would be to sit down and explain your concerns. I would mention that you know they don’t have to pay, or owe it to you to pay, but you wonder if there is some underlying reason or something like that…
Post # 6
The only one responsible to pay for your wedding is you. I know you’re just venting, but your post comes off as entitled. It’s unfortunate that your parents don’t want to help, but I wouldn’t bring it up to them because they are not required to help and have already told you they’re not going to.
Post # 7
I agree with PP that it is not your parents responsibility to pay for your wedding. If you want a wedding, you should pay for it. Your parents are entitled to spend their money as they wish.
Now, that being said, I would be a little miffed that they are claiming poverty but then jet setting.
Post # 8
I agree with the posters above. They are under no obligation to pay for your wedding and you should not be telling them how to spend their money. I think it sounds like you believe this is because your mother doesn’t want you to get married, so you should address that issue with your mother but leave paying for the wedding out of it. There are a lot of things she can help with that don’t include money.
Post # 9
I don’t expect a penny from my parents, so in your situation, I wouldn’t really be upset that they spent their money on something for themselves instead of my wedding.
That being said, it seems like the bigger issue is them not supporting you and your fiance getting married. That I would be (and am, as I’m in this situation) upset about.
Post # 10
Sorry, I know you’re just venting, but it’s not like a law that you have to help your child financially with their wedding. It’s their money, they earned it, they can do whatever they want with it. If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay for your wedding.
Post # 11
I definitely would not bring this up to them. It is not your parents’ responsibility to pay for your wedding…it’s your responsibility. If they offer something, great…but if not, there’s no way that you can get upset about how they’re spending their hard earned money.
Post # 12
I think that if they acted a bit more happy about you getting married, even without contributing to your wedding financially, you would not feel as upset as you do. I totally see where you are coming from although they do have to live their lives and fullfill their obligations to pay bills and even go to out of state weddings. I can see how it may appear as though they are MAYBE not as broke as they say and may be saying they can’t help you financially as a way to punish you or express thier unhappiness with your decision. I can see why you are upset.
Post # 13
Hey girl, I’m sorry you feel bad about this, but I’m not sure I understand why you expect your parents to pay.
You would feel a whole lot better if you let go of those expectations 🙂
Post # 14
It sounds like they don’t support the marriage and that’s why they aren’t willing to help. However, you’re still an adult responsible for paying for your own wedding. Which means you don’t have to take their input. So if you don’t want a church wedding, then don’t pay for it just to make people happy who don’t support the wedding and aren’t willing to contribute to things they want you to do.
Post # 15
From your parents’ perspective, you’ve graduated, bought a house, and started a career. To be an adult with a house and career shows them that you aren’t dependent on them for financial assistance; you now have the means to finance your own event. They are adults and have earned their own money, therefore have the right to spend it as they wish.
I agree with PPs that the bigger issue is your mom not being supportive of the relationship. That’s an entirely different thing, and my question is, do you have any idea why she still hasn’t warmed up to you and him getting married?
Post # 16
You are going to hear this a lot on here, but it is not your parents responsibility to pay for any portion of your wedding, and it’s not your business, as a grown adult, how they do choose to spend their own money.