(Closed) Upset over people not coming to the wedding

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Have you sent out Save-The-Date Cards or invitations yet?  Are you sure they know its the same day?  I have had some people ask me multiple times what day is the wedding – thank heavens we are sending our Save-The-Date Cards next week – but I know it will continue. 

And, you don’t say how long you have been with your FH, but are you friends with his friends’ wives/girlfriends?  Not that it should matter, but if girls who you consider to be your friends are ditching your wedding to go to Vegas I would be upset.  Maybe they sort of think of their mens’ friendship with your husband as a guy thing.

Or maybe they are just rude, snotty…. you know.  I would be mystified, but I wouldn’t waste my time being upset (east to say, harder to do).  You don’t want anybody at your wedding who doesn’t really want to be there anyway.

Post # 5
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Are these people close friends? I mean maybe they thought it was a gratis invite… I wouldn’t be upset… I can understand your disappointment, but honestly, you are soo going to have other people there- THAT WANT to be there that you won’t even miss them. I promise! 😉

Post # 6
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

It is awfully hard to think that your special day just isn’t that important to some people.  I guess I am lucky in that everyone I really care about is pretty interested and pretty supportive. 

Since it sounds like these are people you see a lot socially, although not your best girlfriends, it does seem odd that they would think so little of your wedding that they would make other plans.  And since you hang out together, it must be awkward to wonder what the heck they were thinking when they made those plans.  Is there one of them that you are close enough to that you can ask?  Or maybe you can have your FH talk to one of his friends about what is going on.

Post # 7
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I think I’d be overjoyed that they werent coming to my wedding.  Because these women would have been a waste of space at your wedding if they happened to not have anything else going on the weekend of your wedding.  Perk up!  This means you can either invite a few more people or save a little money!

I honestly think if one of my girlfriends was having her bachelorette party on the weekend of a wedding of my FI’s friends, I would support my friend and go to her bachelorette party over my FI’s friend’s wedding.  It sounds like your Fi’s friends, the ones who are the "main" invite to your wedding, are still planning on coming and supporting you guys.  I think its really a win-win for you.

Post # 8
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

Lets put it this way – if the best weekend for you to take time off of work to have your bachelorette party fell on the same weekend as one of your FI’s friends weddings, would you be dissapointed if your girlfriends said "sorry, i’m going to a wedding that weekend"?  They’re youre best friends right?  They should support you.  Those women are probably just doing the same for one of their close friends.  After all you refer to them as "wives" not your "friends".

Post # 9
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I’d be disappointed too… for 3-7 days, and then I’d think of all the lovely reasons posted on this board why it is okay, and blissfully forget about it.  Seriously, I’d be disappointed too – but your disappointment will pass (hopefully in 3-7 days) and it will all be okay.  Enjoy your special day, Erin

Post # 10
Member
36 posts
Newbee

i have relatives saying they won’t come to my wedding because they have WORK!  it’s better off they don’t come…i don’t need any negativities at my wedding…people should come because they want to and not by obligations…

Post # 11
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - A garden wedding followed by a tented reception on Mr. Hummingbird's father's property.

Could it be possible that they if you haven’t sent out invites or anything, didn’t know the weekend? Or, perhaps, on the other hand, maybe they thought it would be rude to preemptively refuse a wedding invitation.
Not to knock how you’re feeling because I’ve had guest list woes and they are frustrating as anything, but like Penguin said, enjoy the fact that you get to save money instead of feeding people that are indifferent to your big day or use the cash to invite people you perhaps originally had to cut for space reasons.
Don’t be sad, just take the opportunity to surround yourself with the people who love you and are happy to celebrate your relationship with you. 🙂
Congratulations to you and you Fiance and enjoy your day!

Post # 12
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Without the wives, the husbands will be more fun. 🙂  Not saying that’s always the case, but with this group of people, I just have that feeling that the guys will be able to let loose.

 

There will be so many people at your wedding who are important to you, you won’t even miss these girls.   

Post # 14
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Well, Amanda it sounds like the person who organized the stag doesn’t know you and isn’t invited to your wedding, so she wouldn’t know not to book that date for the stag.  Maybe the girls that are ditching your wedding to attend the stag in Vegas are closer to the girl having the stag than they are to you.  It sounds like they are having to choose between two things that they would probably like to attend, and they’re choosing to attend the event of the person they are closer to.  You’ve said yourself they are not your best friends.  I wouldn’t start thinking that now they are not friends at all, I think they just have a conflict of dates and they had to pick one thing over the other.  These things happen.  Don’t sweat it too much and don’t read too much into it.

Post # 15
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

take the $500 you would have spent on their food and buy yourself something outrageous…like designer shoes. it’ll cheer you up.

Post # 16
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I have had the same feelings too. Every dollar I spend it is like, "who cares about this wedding except for us?" I agonize over who is going to actually make the time to come. Plus as you build a life with this man you will also be making a life with his friends. After the wedding how are you to look at these people and feel for these people the same way?  Hard not to think it personal or feel upset. I think you should just keep thinking about how much it does mean to your family and friends. What a wonderful day it will be because of who was there not about who was not there. It will be hard, but think of the time/money you have invested in making your wedding beautiful as being for the memories between your husband and you! 

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