(Closed) Upset that I wasn’t invited!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think that being hurt is overreacting. It does seem unfair. Will your Boyfriend or Best Friend ask them why for you?

Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Well, I can understand why you’re upset, but the couple doesn’t have an obligation to invite you. It’s ultimately their decision on who they want at their wedding, and even though it’s a large wedding, not everyone can always invite friends with dates. I would be upset about not being invited as well, but I wouldn’t make such a big deal about it. The couple definitely has a lot on their minds and they maybe didn’t think that your boyfriend moved…maybe why they sent it to your address. Either that or maybe they think b/c he moved out, you guys broke up?

Post # 5
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I respectfully disagree with 2peasinapod, it’s REALLY rude not to invite someone’s girlfriend of 10 years to a wedding…I would be very upset as well. If I was you, I would ask your Boyfriend or Best Friend to ask if he can bring and honestly, if they say no, I would want my  SO to stick up for me and not attend the wedding.  Seriously, that’s unbelievably poor etiquette, I’m sorry! 

Post # 6
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

How close are you guys as a couple to the other couple? 

I agree it seems pretty odd to me.

Post # 7
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’d be upset – for me the rule is the rule is living together, in a commited relationship over 6 months.  They sent the invitation to your house!  Of course they know about you!  Can he ask them to include you?

Post # 8
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would be hurt too. Can you bf ask them about you going?

Post # 9
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@trailmix – I totally understand your (and the OP’s) point of view, but I’m still thinking that sometimes brides think that if you’re not married or engaged, the significant other doesn’t get an invite. I was engaged to my husband when I was in a friend’s wedding, and they didn’t invite him to the rehearsal dinner b/c he wasn’t my husband yet. I was a little annoyed, but I didn’t make a huge deal about it bc I knew they couldn’t afford it…

Post # 10
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Preaching to the choir on this one. The same thing basically happened to me recently, too… except it was even worse. We’re inviting a couple, who’s friends of my FI’s, to our wedding and sent out our Save-The-Date Cards in mid-April.

Then a few weeks ago, I check the mail and there’s a STD from the couple addressed only to my Fiance. My Fiance moved into my house a couple of months ago, so yes, I was even more annoyed that they had to send it to my address to get it to him. I haven’t met them, but you can’t pretend you don’t know me—you JUST had my name spelled out to you in a card! Annoying. 

I was irate, because I (not my FI) took the time to make sure I spelled both their names right on their STD and follow the etiquette rules and they couldn’t even bother to acknowlege my existence. (Mind you, we’re also WAY over our numbers, so I would’ve PREFERRED not to invite them to begin with…)

Their wedding is two weeks after ours (so we’ll be a package deal by that point) and is a long ways away from home, so it would’ve been safe for them to assume we weren’t going to be able to make it… WTH is wrong with people? I want to sent her an Emily Post Etiquette book for her present!

The way we handled it—which is probably not Emily Post approved—was my Fiance sent a casual text saying ‘hey, thank you so much for your std! I’m so excited for your wedding, out of curiosity, is my fiance invited, too?’ … She wrote back and said ‘yeah, didn’t it say John Morgan and Guest’? … (‘and guest’?! Are you serious? We’ve been together for a million years… I HAVE A NAME… but whatever. At least she couldn’t dodge it and it made my blood pressure go down a little.)

I think some people are clueless… and just stupid.

[Sorry, I know I sound like a catty mean girl. I didn’t get my coffee this morning…]

Post # 11
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I can see both sides here – I was really annoyed when a friend of my FI’s didn’t invite any SOs to her wedding, but equally, a big wedding doesn’t mean you have lots of space, it means you know lots of people!

We’ve got a venue that takes 140 people, and we are really struggling to stick to that – I think we’ve invited about 155 people, and that’s not including a lot of more recent SOs (although, I have to say, that’s relationships of under 1 year in length, not 10 years!)

I think you’re justified in being upset – I would be, and it sounds like these people are being really rude – but it’s not fair to assume that having a big guest list means lots of space for everyone. 

Post # 14
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Wow, that is just unacceptable. In most states, after 5 years of living together, you are considered to be in a common law marriage anyways…so the argument for not inviting people who aren’t already married or engaged doesn’t really stand. Not to mention, some people don’t EVER get married..does that mean that nobody has to invite their SO?

I hope your Boyfriend or Best Friend realizes what a snub this is…I would not go to the wedding at all, regardless if you are invited as a “plus 1” or not. If you are going to invite somebody to your wedding, you should know them enough to know that they have been in a serious relationship for a decade and act accordingly! It’s not like they’re strangers!

 

Post # 15
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Normally I actually say it’s OK to not invite someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend.. no matter how long they have been together.  BUT.. that is only when you make a rule for EVERYONE that you only get a date if you are married or engaged.  If the could has allowed +1’s for other people who are not married or engaged, then it’s unacceptable that they did not invite you.  The fact that they sent the invite to your house makes this all the more apalling.  I would suggest your fiance flat out ask if you are invited, and if the answer is no, he should respectfully decline.  I’m sorry they excluded you.

Post # 16
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

while it sucks – i would have SO bring it up once, and then leave it at that. if they dont want to invite you then they dont want to invite you.

it is however an invitation not a subpoena – so if this offends you or SO…. just dont go at all.

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