Post # 32
I went through some of your old posts OP, and it seems like it’s a recurring problem in your relationship that you’re constantly worrying about his feelings towards you. If you’re attractive enough, whether or not you should be offended when he has an opinion on your clothes/hair, whether or not he’s worried you’ll breakup with him, being worried he’s going to break up with you, fretting about him not ‘worshipping the ground you walk on’, worryign that something bad will happen to him because of karma because you took him for granted… it sounds completely exhausting!
Overall, it sounds like you want the relationship to constantly stay at the stage at the beginning of the relationship where you think absolutely everything about the other person is great, think about how much you want to be in a relationship with them and hope it works out a ton, are always showing your best side, etc. For nearly all couples (if not all couples), that is just not feasible or realistic. Honestly, it sounds like he has developed a more mature kind of love for you where he doesn’t need to constantly obsess over it, and is comfortable in the relationship. And I think you need to work on getting yourself to that point also, either through therapy or by working on yourself internally and stopping yourself when you’re getting worked up or ready to cry over something so small – try to figure out why it’s really bothering you, and if it’s worth discussing or making a big deal over. I bet he’ll take any issues you have and these discussions a lot more seriously if you can learn to be more rational about this stuff.
Post # 33
OP, do you happen to have another account? Anon00 or something of the nature? It’s really not fair that you’re so anxious all the time – to you or your BF. I hope you seek some help to be confident and happy for yourself rather than relying on a man for that. Have you ever been single as an adult?
Post # 34
Thanks 🙂 that makes a lot of sense. He generally does seem more comfortable than me, and it’s true- I tend to feel bad if he doesn’t totally think I’m perfect, because that’s the kind of stuff I hear from other women I know in relationships (my friend said she’d dump her SO if he told her he didn’t like her shirt. lol) Maybe they’re just immature and I’m learning from the wrong people!
Post # 35
LOL “back flaps”. Yeah, I’d be really sad if my SO said that to me. I’m probably too sensitive. Although he does joke about my “cankles” and it doesn’t bother me because that’s not a sensitive area for me. It really depends on what he says/jokes about.
Post # 36
I think it’s ok when our SO’s tell the truth about things because then I know that when they’re telling me how great I look, they REALLY mean it. If our SO”s just said everything looked perfect all the time, (even when we know we don’t), you’d know he was just saying that because he’s afraid to tell the truth. Is that what you want?
Each and everyone of us is different and it’s ok to have different opinions about stuff, as long as he’s not cruel about it.
The other day my sis game me some galaxy tights. I think they are the COOLEST. I was stoked to show Fiance and rigth away i see he hates them. He asked if i was actually going to go out in public in them, and i said hells ya! i want to go dancing! And then he said, actually, yah, wear those, and then i don’t have to worry about anyone hitting on you.
I could have got all upset and worried and what not, but i just laughed and threatened to wear them to bed that night. Lol! The point of this story is that it’s OK if my Fiance doesn’t like these tights. I’m glad he didn’t lie about it. I feel honoured that he feels like he can be truthful.
If you want to last in a relationship you’ve got to relax and let people be people. I still wore them out that day because I’m confident and I don’t care if other people dislike them. Love yourself, and you will find both loving and being loved gets easier.
Post # 37
Hm, I didn’t read the previous posts, but this doesn’t seem like a “who has power in the relationship” issue, this seems like an insecurity issue on your part. If you’re in a good relationship, neither of you should ever worry about the other person breaking up. And wanting your SO to feel that way is messed up on your part.
Post # 38
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
Well I did tell him exactly where to shove it. But because we love and trust each other, I am perfectly allowed to tell him things like that and get grumpy at him, but I still love him.
As my mum used to say to me sometimes when I was being a jerk as a kid – “I will always love you, I just don’t like you very much right now.”
You’re very lucky that your man is so secure and happy in your relationship that he doesn’t worry about it ending all the time! That sort of trust and security is a wonderful thing, try to see it that way and not as a devaluing of you that he’s not worried you’re going to leave. 🙂