(Closed) Upset with bridesmaids in how they are acting…..

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your sisters have been enabled by your parents, who really did them no favors. I wouldn’t look at girls who were raised to be self-centered and entitled to have any interest in something that doesn’t revolve around them. Maybe you can take the dresses back.

Post # 17
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

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marinarosalin:  I would explain to them that you are hurt that they are choosing literally everything over their own sister. Then I would go into detail the reasons that you chose them to begin with and then end with that you have decided to ask your friends instead because they are genuinely happy for you and supportive. Sometimes people get lost in their selfish behavior and it is our job as brides to make this moment as special as we can for ourselves. Your happiness is what matters most

 

best,
M

Post # 18
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

You’re making a lot of mistakes here.

*Grown adults don’t have to get each other Christmas presents.  It really does add up and becomes unnecessary… I have 2 sisters and since college we just get our parents gifts and vice versa.  We may do something small, like a framed photo, but that’s it.  Can’t believe you would EXPECT a gift because you got them one… that’s not what the spirit of giving is!!

*If your parents are taking money from your wedding to pay for their hotel rooms, be mad at your parents.  How is that your sister’s fault?  Your parents are making that decision.  My mom did deduct money from my “total wedding budget” for her dress and my dad’s tux, but I didn’t complain.

*No, bridesmaids are NOT expected to donate to a bridal shower.  It’s nice if they ask if they can do or bring something, but it’s not expected.  Your bridesmaids are probably feeling unwarranted pressure from what I’m gathering… how are you making THEM feel good about the time and money they are giving up for your wedding?

*Have you directly asked your sisters for the $54 for the wedding dress?  How far away are they at college?  Maybe they’re busy and don’t have time to put a check in the mail.  

*Were you asking your sisters to pay for stuff for your wedding?  You insinuated that when you said “help with stuff”…. if so you’re even more in the wrong.

Post # 19
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Blue Hound Farm

Your sisters sound like real assholes. I’m sorry bee

Post # 26
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m sorry but this sounds incredibly selfish on BOTH ends. Yeah, they should be paying you back for the dresses as they promised before going on trips and buying presents for their boyfriends. No, your sister shouldn’t have tried to make your dress appointment about her. Yes, they could be more gracious and involved.

However, it really sounds selfish on your end. You’re pouting about not getting a christmas present from  your sisters? Oh how god awful of them to buy a gift for their boyfriends but not their sister and her fiance. What?

You’re also mad that mommy and daddy can’t fork over more money for your wedding fund because they need to help your sisters pay for hotel rooms? Er… if that doesn’t scream spoiled brat, I don’t know what does.

And they aren’t handing over cash for your bridal shower? Bridal showers are a privilege, not a requirement. If your Maid/Matron of Honor wants to throw you one, that’s fantastic. If your sisters want to contribute, that’s lovely. If not? That’s just how it goes. No one should expect them to pay.

Now you’re continuously asking them to help you with the wedding? I’m sorry that is not the job of your sisters. If your other friends (who you want to replace your sisters with in the bridal party) are offering to help, great! Use their help. But bridesmaids aren’t required to do any work for the wedding. I will never understand the brides who think BMs should be oh so excited to DIY centerpieces. Ugh, I didn’t even want to do my own, let alone someone else’s.

I really think you need to adjust your expectations of your sisters.

Post # 27
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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mwsrfrgirl:  I think think some Bees are being rather harsh.

 

I’m very close with my sister (she’s my MOH) and if she were acting like this I’d be really hurt. 

 

If you’ve made it clear from the beginning that they would have to pay for their own dresses, and they agreed at the time, then I think you should be very firm in asking them to pay up as it seems like they’re really dragging it out.

 

I also think it’s time for a chat with your parents regarding the whole situation as it seems like your sisters are walking all over them. Are they expecting your parents to fork out for the dresses as well? 

Post # 30
Hostess
5000 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2016

mwsrfrgirl: Have you been a bridesmaid before? Technically, your only job is to show up the day of the wedding in the dress the bride wants you to wear and support her for her big day. To me, it’s both an honor (that the bride considers you one of the most important people in her life) and a burden (since it can be very expensive!). That being said, yes where I live at least, it’s expected that the bridal party put together a bachelorette and a shower if one of the bride’s relatives is not already planning one. I’ve been an Maid/Matron of Honor three times in the past two years and have happily planned these events for my friends and family members, however, it’s not reasonable to expect everyone to contribute. For two of the showers, I paid for it entirely on my own (as a broke law student), the other time, the bride’s mother covered most of the expenses. I did ask the bridesmaids if they wanted to contribute, and they either were uninterested or unable to – it is not a requirement.

I shelled out a lot of money I didn’t have and honestly, had a I been a Bridesmaid or Best Man in any of those weddings instead of the Maid/Matron of Honor, I probably would have declined to give the Maid/Matron of Honor money as well. The money I spent as Maid/Matron of Honor while in law school was my grocery money and I lived off of wheat thins so that I could give my loved ones the shower I thought they deserved. Not everyone is willing to sacrifice important things. Giving gifts to their SOs and going on trips can be more important to them than your wedding. I guess what I’m saying is that it looks like your wedding isn’t as important to your sisters as you’d like or they don’t know what you expect of them. They shouldn’t be expected to help out with the wedding. I invited my BMs to my dress appointments. Some could attend, some could not, and that’s ok. Everyone is really busy and though my wedding is really important to me, I don’t expect it to be the center of my friends’ and family’s universe.

ETA: I pulled out all the stops for my sister’s wedding, which was a week after I took the bar exam (read: poor, exhausted, and stressed out).  She’s one of my MOHs and isn’t planning a shower for me nor attending my bachelorette.  Yes, it does hurt a bit that she’s not as involved with my wedding as I was with her, and I definitely am not trying to invalidate those feelings.  I think it’s just healthier to lower your expectations of your sisters in this case.  I still love my sister dearly and would never consider removing her as Maid/Matron of Honor for not being able to do those things.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  missinthecity.

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