(Closed) Upset with FI for doing something stupid-VENT

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Is anyone else already planning on going with you?  Would she be rude or manipulative to you in front of your mom or other friends/relatives?  I hope she’s changed, and maybe she has.  I’d have “back-up” with you though, just in case.

Post # 4
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Definitely take back up like PP said… make sure it’s the right back up, though. I had a similar situation when I went dress shopping only it was with my own mother who can be a bit snarky. I made sure to take a couple other people who I knew would offset the negativity, mainly my aunt. They were so supportive and positive that it wore off on my mom and by the end of the day, she was also being positive and supportive. I was so glad she had been there.

So I’d say enlist an advocate or two. If your mom, bridesmaids, other family members, etc can go…explain the situation to them before hand. I’m sure your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t going to pipe in with some negative comment if everyone else is raving about how gorgeous you are!

Post # 5
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just be the bigger person. Bring her to the fitting just because it is the nice/right thing to do. If she makes any type of rude remark or comment just simply say “This is my dream dress and I love it.” Don’t let her rudeness or remarks get to you in any way shape or form. Especially don’t take them to heart. She obviously just says rude things to try and get a reaction out of you. If you start letting her break you down then you will be giving her exactly what she wants.

Also I agree with PP’s when they say bring another person along with you that can tell you how much they love your dress. It will help overshadow your FMIL’s rude remarks (if she makes them).

Post # 6
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh boy — do I feel you on this. Except I invited my FI’s stepmother and SHE invited his mother (who I did not want) and my fitting is tomorrow and I can’t back out of the last minute fitting and I have no back up.

I would just say definitely bring back up if you can (can some of your FSIL’s come maybe?) and just know going into it that she might not give you the responses you want, and that no matter it is STILL your dream dress and you don’t need her approval.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think that your Fiance should go back to his mother and let her know that you changed your mind because you would like everyone to see you in your dress as you walk down the aisle for the first time.  Nothing personal against her, but like many brides, you want to surprise people.  Easy peasy.

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would insist that your Fiance call her before the appointment and make it clear that she isn’t to give any negative feedback on the dress – that you love it and feel great about it, and that he doesn’t want anyone saying bad things about it, especially so close to the wedding, so if she doesn’t like it she needs to just not say anything. He needs to make it clear that she is welcome to come be a part of the experience, but not to say anything mean about the dress.

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@reebee:  I take my suggestion back, I think yours is even better!

Post # 14
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would go in early and say that the salon “HAD” to change the appointment – but, I guess, I’m mean like that. 

Post # 15
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I like reebee’s idea- I told Future Mother-In-Law that my dress was going to be a surprise, when she asked about it. She was a little taken aback, I think, but the only people who are going to see/know anything the dress before I walk down the aisle are my two attendants (one who went shopping with me), my Mom and her best friend (I bought a sample and it’s at Mom’s house until the wedding, since I have a cat and the dress has feathers-bad combination!), and my Dad.

The only feedback she should have any reason to give could be on the fit, but the bridal shop is better prepared to give you that info. If she does come, prepare your sister, and maybe the ladies at the bridal shop- I’m sure they’ve seen a lot and are well-versed in dealing with FMILs! 🙂

Post # 16
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@raspberrymacaron:  Honestly, who cares if she’ll be on the phone with his aunts about the dress. Her opinion of the dress doesn’t matter…it’s your opinion of the dress that matters, and then ultimately, your FI’s opinion when he sees you in it on your wedding day. I think having your sister there will prevent the comment, and just ignore her facial expressions. 

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