- 5 years ago
I’ve been with my fiance for several years. And in that time my fiance’s family (mostly his parents) have not ever really accepted me and welcomed me in the family. We live states away, so I’ve always thought it was just hard since I’m not always around them. But I see them at least every couple months.
There’s no real reason. I’m good for their son. I’m smart, went to college, have a degree, run my own business, am very successful, I’m pleasant, polite, kind, loving… I get along with everyone. I don’t do drugs, I don’t smoke, I don’t even drink. I’m not in a cult. I don’t wear crazy clothes. I’m not outlandish or talk of crazy things. I’m just an average girl. So I’m not some low-life they are disappointed to see their son with or anything. Me and their son have a happy loving relationship.
It isn’t because their son lives in my state and moved far from them. I lived in their state for a few months actually until my fiance got an awesome job offer in my state. Prior to that we had planned on staying in his state. And they still acted the way they do when I was living closer to them. So their attitude isn’t because “I took their son away” or anything.
After my fiance proposed my dad threw us an “engagement” party the following weekend. It was just a family get together at his house. He made dinner and everyone was so happy for us and asked us all the typical questions you ask a newly engaged couple. It was very nice. It felt so good to see how excited everyone was us.
The next weekend we went to visit my fiance’s parents and stayed the weekend. We walk through the door. And are greeted with the typical “how was the drive?” “how are you doing?” I gave them hugs. All that jazz.
They didn’t utter a single word about the engagment.
They didn’t ask to see the ring on my finger.
No congratulations. No “we’re so happy for you guys” or anything indicating how happy they were that I was going to be an official part of their family. No warm words at all.
Fiance’s grandparents and aunt came over, and they DID do those things. All in front of his parents, who remained mum about the whole topic. They just ignored the happiness and congratulations.
On Sunday, before we left we had to get my ring resized at the store my fiance got the ring, so we were talking about it and how we were also going to look at wedding rings while we waited. His parents didn’t say anything! Even with all this opportunity. Nothing.
They had 2 weeks to think of something to do, knowing that we would be there that weekend.
I cried on our car ride back home after the weekend. I felt so offended and so unaccepted by his parents. They don’t like me! And I can’t figure out why.
His parents are not stupid. They know how to act and are completely normal around other people. Just not me.
Anyways, fast forward several months later…. They never had any type of engagement party for us.
We are in the midst of wedding planning. We are paying for it 100% by ourselves. So it’s just a small wedding with our closest family and friends. About 45-50 people.
Well the other day, my Future Mother-In-Law called my fiance and asked him if a couple weeks before our wedding (in August) if she could throw us an engagement party. She said it would give extended family (distant cousins and great aunts and uncles) the opportunity to see my fiance (because they haven’t seen him in a long time) and to meet me.
These people are not invited to our wedding (not because we don’t want them there, but because we don’t have the money to pay for tons of distant relatives that have no relationship with my fiance).
So how awkward to have an engagement party 15 months after we got engaged and 2 weeks before our wedding? And some of them will probably not know that we got engaged so long ago, and will ask about our wedding plans and when we tell them we are getting married in a couple weeks they will instantly know they didn’t get an invitation to the wedding.
And I know there will be family, no matter how distant, who always thought they would see my fiance get married one day. So this will only set us up to hurt people’s feelings! And not just that, but also pressure those who weren’t invited to the wedding, to give us a gift.
AND let’s not forget that an engagement party is for “congratulations on your engagement.” NOT “congratulations on being engaged for 15 months and actually getting married in 2 weeks.”
Even if she wanted to do an engagement party next month, it would still be VERY late (we got engaged last May… so 10 months).
So what’s your opinion? Any thoughts? Why would they throw an engagement party 2 weeks before the wedding?
My fiance spoke with his mom and told her he didn’t want to feel awkward having people invited to our really late engagement party, who weren’t invited to our wedding, two weeks later. She made excuses as to why it was hard to find any time to do anything (we’ve been to their house many weekends since we’ve been engaged… she could have done something on any of those weekends. And they had free weekends where they could have invited us down for something. My fiance knew it was just a bunch of BS.)
I need some support, because I feel like ripping my hair out in frustration over this awful relationship I have with them, despite my trying.