(Closed) Upset with my engagement ring,wedding band & wedding

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@justsick:  uhm. Whoa. 

So I’m sorry about your ring. I don’t think it’s awful at all to want something that represents you and makes you happy. Is it possible to do an upgrade or exchange when you both have time to shop?

As far as your wedding goes, you ARE married. You went to the Justice of the Peace, you had an intimate moment that is just between the two of you. Don’t be ashamed of that. Embrace it. 

And as far as your reception goes, put on a dress that makes you feel fabulous, do your hair and makeup, and paint your nails (people will want to see that ring!) Maybe you could also do some sort of committment speeches – where you both declare your love for each other in front of friends. That way, you could still have a wedding feel to the reception, without having to arrange for an officiant, etc. 

Also, don’t forget that the “enter” button on your keyboard is your friend. Well, it’s our friend. That whole thing was nearly impossible to read and follow. I get you’re upset, but don’t forget to breathe… that will help your mind and your typing 🙂 

Best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with the PP about being married, some women would kill for even what you had (myself included). You are married, you can always have a renewal next year or whenever money allows it and as for the ring i think he owes you an upgrade its the least a husband can do 😉 maybe as a christmas/birthday/anniversary present then he has time to save for one and you get to have some imput in it. xx

Post # 7
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

Question: Did you speak to him about the effort he put into his hobby vs. the effort he put into your ring? I know that my relationship is solid as a rock because if it were me, I would spell it out for my honey. No games, no guesses, I would say “Look at the effort you put into finding a bow! Did you not think I am deserving of the same effort?” He would then start to see it my way. Did you speak to your fiance, bluntly?

Post # 9
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Did you consider exchanging it? I’ve read on here of a lot of bees who go shopping with their SO for the ring.  Maybe you 2 can go together…

Post # 11
Member
9115 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

About the ring: It is rather materialistic to say, “This isn’t good enough, I want more.” I can more or less “forgive’ (in a metaphorical sense) the fact that you’re upset that he didn’t put more thought into it, but life isn’t always like a fairy tale. It’s times like these that you either need to deal, or buy what you’d like instead. A ring does not make a marriage. As someone who used to work at a hunting store and I specifically sold bows, a ring and a bow are entirely universes apart. You can wear a ring if it’s a bit too big or a bit too small. A bow will not function properly if it’s too big or too short for its user. Just a bit of perspective — A hunter (Or an enthusist) needs to put a lot of effort into a bow if they want to use it.

Re – wedding: You’re married. Justice of the Peace weddings are just as valid as any other wedding. I was married via JoP and you don’t need the big flashy wedding in order to be husband and wife. If you want one, save up for one. No shame in that. My husband didn’t really have a choice when we got married. We had to do it in a tiny period before his double deployments, so we got married in our living room next to our christmas tree. We’re planning a formal wedding in June with our friends and family. If you want a big white wedding, have a big white wedding. But, you’re married, whether you enjoyed the ceremony or not.

 

Post # 12
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

@justsick:  He feels he put effort into your ring? Then I’m at a loss. The only  thing I would do is spend OUR money to upgrade it. If he is too hurt to “let you”, then in my eyes, that’s not love. Love is wanting to see the OTHER person happy.

 

I recently bought my man an expensive camera for his birthday. If he didn’t like, or wanted to add extra money to upgrade it even further, I would rather he exchanged it or upgraded it so long as he used it and I could see that smile on his face. Do you know what I mean?

Post # 13
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

@Hyperventilate:  And an engaged woman about to marry her love needs to have her man put a lot of an effort into something that symbolizes that love and that she will wear everyday, forever. Just sayin’

Edit. I didn’t realize they were married. But my statement still stands.

Post # 14
Member
9115 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@beb1972:  I can agree that thought needs to go into it. But that’s not always how it works out. The situation stinks, there’s no doubt about that. But love and a relationship shouldn’t hinge on something material. It shouldn’t be a source of bitterness and eventually turn into an emotional tumor of, “Well you didn’t think about a ring enough!”

I’m a firm believer that things are things and sometimes you just need to let something go and just be.

Post # 15
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

@Hyperventilate:  I respect your viewpoint 🙂

 

I guess OP and I think more alike.

 

The ring is just hunk of metal and gemstones. The symbolism is most important. However, the pride in my husband’s eyes and the joy I have wearing my beautiful ring is just priceless. He loves me to the ends of the earth. He could afford to upgrade my ring and did so willingly and because he loves me. “You don’t need another one” would never cross his mind.

 

It all depends on the couple.

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