Post # 1
Hey everyone!!! This is my first time posting and basically its me venting but I also wanted to hear what others had to say.
My FH and I were planning on getting married in Raleigh, NC which is were we live but after careful researching it is just too expensive. The reason we were having it here is because it is an equal distance from my family in Hickory and his family spread out amongst the East coast. We then decided to have a destination wedding at the beach and both of our families were excited and ok with the distance. My family of course would have to drive a little further but I asked them before I started looking if they were willing to drive that far. However, after finally locating a beach house (that we paln to rent for a whole week) that included the cost of rental equipment for only $3500 things started to change. I have an appointment to go see this beach house in two weeks before I make a final commitment. My mom has started acting a little strange. She has been sending me emails saying check this out and that out.
Well today I get a text from here saying I have found a place that you can use for the wedding and the reception and its FREE!!! I didn’t even have to ask where it was at because I know its somewhere close to them in Hickory. So I asked her what was going on because I had a sense that she just didn’t want me to have the wedding at the beach. Of course she then replies with “it just seems sooo far away”.
I was talking with my sister about this and she straight up told me that I basically have to do what the family wants other wise I will pay for it later. In my opinion I will already be paying for by making everyone else happy and not us.
So my question is who should I please US or THEM???
Post # 3
Its YOUR wedding, do what you want. Why remember your wedding as a day that you hated? Tell your mom that the choices are, you have the wedding where you want, or you elope and there is no wedding
Post # 4
trust me, you will not be able to make everyone happy and to attempt to do so will only make you unhappy so make your choices and for everyone that has an opinion practise saying “thank you but we have choosen/booked ABC and we are happy with what we have picked”. if people see you hesitate they will try to guilt you and by sticking to your guns doesnt make you a bad person so be strong now. goodluck!
Post # 6
If I could go back and do the whole wedding process over again, I would take more to heart the idea that it’s YOUR wedding, so do what YOU want. People may get dramatic over it, but honestly, you only do it once (or that’s the idea :-P) so do what YOU want to do. I spent way too much time worrying about what everyone else thought and not enough energy doing what I wanted to do and enjoying the process.
Post # 7
@kjpitts: I’ve had a few people make comments about us getting married in a different city an hour away. I usually just gloss over it and say it’s a city we both love.
If it gets bad enough, you could always say that you’re choosing it because you’re paying for it. If they want it in another location so bad, let them foot the whole bill. It’s you and your fiance’s day. Do what y’all want.
Post # 8
Veiled threats? Seriously? I respond very badly to those. I would just let them know that you can’t be unfair to either side of the family so you are sticking with your plan to keep the wedding at approximately an equal distance.
Post # 9
THEY are not getting married, YOU are so. Its one thing to be a gracious host and take into consideration their preferences, its a complete other thing to be bullied. If you paying for it, all they need to do is to shut up and show up, or RSVP No if its that much of a bother.
Post # 10
Assuming that you and your Fiance are paying, have the wedding where you want to have it. However, if your parent’s are contributing financially, you should probably take their feelings into account.
Post # 11
The emailed suggestions are super passive aggressive. That would drive me bananas. Do what makes YOU happy. Everyone else can get on board or get over it.
Post # 12
I think this is a rethorical question you already know the answer to.
Futhermore if they are going to start threatening you “you will pay” have the wedding even further.
As a non-driving distance Destination Wedding bride I really don’t get families who complain that they have to drive too far unless they are ancient, even then sitting in a car really isn’t that bad! Screw them.
Post # 13
im italian, my Fiance is maltese, we have traditional familes but we’re having a destination wedding and having a handful of family and closest friends ….. my parents seemed to be fine with it when we first booked it … now its 5weeks to go til the wedding and my parents r starting with the ‘you’re doing the wedding the way you want blah blah blah …..’ …….. yes …. its MY WEDDING!!!!!
its YOUR wedding …. do what makes the 2 of u happy :))
Post # 14
When I first started planning a very wise person told me to accept now that I will unintentionally offend at least three people along the way and to make peace with that now. I thought she was crazy and thought why would anyone be offended, surely everyone understands that the wedding is about what the bride and groom want. Needless to say, she was right, but it’s going to be the day we want it to be and 10 years from now we will be happy we had a great day and if anyone is still offended, well, then that’s their own problem. Have your wedding where it will make you the happiest to have it.