Post # 1
I’ve seen a few posts mentioning getting earrings or other jewelry in suspicious, small boxes, and the disappointment they can bring, even if the gift is very, very nice. My friend and her husband had a rule she started when they first began dating, that workd for them throughout the 8 years before they got married:
NO SMALL JEWELRY BOXES THAT LOOK LIKE A RING COULD BE IN THEM, unless an engagement ring is actually in in the box.
This simple rule made all the holidays and birthdays work for them, as she didn’t have to get excited in the way only a woman hoping for a proposal can and then fake a smile when a gorgeous and wonderful pair of earrings come into view. When he DID put the small box in her coat pocket, she knew right away what it was.
Hope this helps any waiting ladies out there get through the holidays :).
Post # 3
haha! I would agree with this post! My first Christmas with my (now) Fiance, I told him absolutely no jewelry… PERIOD. That way nothing could be confused.
Post # 4
Ha, I second this advice. Last year, when I was realllly itchy waiting, then-BF was asking me what I wanted for Christmas. We were at Lord & Taylor and I pointed at this outrageous pair of diamond studs and said, “Since I’m not getting a diamond ring for Christmas, how bout those earrings!”
…he took me seriously.
When he was giving me my Christmas gifts, I was sitting on the couch at his condo, and he was standing nervously in front of me, pulling a jewelry box out of his back pocket and handing it to me saying, “It’s not what you think it is,” and I STILL got my hopes up thinking thisisit omgthisisfinallyit and my heart started pounding and of course I started crying when I saw those damn earrings. The worst part was it was my own stupid fault!
Post # 5
Good rule! My professor told us a funny story like this. When he got a small basket for his wife at Easter (gf at the time), he got her a fish filter and wrapped it for her in a small box. She opened it eagerly and he says he still remembers the look on her face when she saw what it was. He just figured she had fish and fish filters are expensive. His thought process did not go any further than that. After 30+years of marriage, she still teases him about this!
They added the “no kitchen appliance” rule after they spent a Christmas with his wife’s family. She was always using a manual can opener, so he bought a really nice automatic can opener for her. When she unwrapped the box, his Mother-In-Law said “oh it is wrapped in a can opener box!”. He said he also remembers the look on his MILs face when his wife said it was in fact a can opener. LOL
Post # 6
This is an excellent post! I’d hope if I told my FH that he would heed this advice… however he loves to give me a hard time, so this is totally the kind of thing I would expect him to do.
Post # 7
Oh God! Christmas! My SO and I don’t have any rules and this my first “waiting” Christmas (now that I think about it this time last year I wasn’t even thinking about marriage. Now I’m dying waiting. Boy how time flies) Anywho. I’ve signed up for the Christmas Challenge so I can’t make any rules but I will be so crushed to get jewelry and NO E-Ring. OMG now that I think about it I would be crushed to get any gift that isn’t an E-Ring. That sounds selfish and harsh but honestly I really don’t want or need anythng else. I need to ask him what he wants for Christmas so that I can start shopping. But I’m afraid to ask because I know he will turn the question around on me. Oh no! What’s my answer?
Post # 8
I think I told my SO something like this years ago (about please don’t give me a tiny little box b/c I will think it’s a ring and be let down if it’s not). But I’m doing the Xmas Challenge too, so I’m not going to mention it. He wouldn’t buy me jewelry anyway. He thinks it is pointless. He bought me a necklace at our first Christmas, but I knew he wasn’t going to propose within the first year, so I never mistook it for a ring.
Post # 9
My (now) husband proposed in January and didn’t get me anything for Christmas. (Which is understandable now.) But at the time, I started to think “wow, maybe I was reading this whole thing wrong…he didn’t even give me a Christmas gift? He must not be as into me as I thought. Whoops.”
Turns out he just meant to propose closer to Christmas, but got a little cold feet.
Post # 10
@Isilme: But what if he’s trickey? What if he disguises the ring in a BIG box?
Post # 11
@Gwen von D: THIS has happened to me and it was NOT FUNNY! It originally started off this way….
The Fiance went out of state on business, he comes back with ring box. He takes it out in front of me saying he got me something. I am really excited at this point. He keeps talking and says “but it’s not what you think it is”. And it WASN’T! Apparantly according to him it was a ‘promise ring’. I.e. Sterling silver with CZs in it. I wouldn’t have cared if that would have been my actual engagement ring! But it wasn’t!! I put it on reluctantly, only to throw it at his face a month or so later because it pissed me off everytime to look at it. Our relationship was VERY STRONG by then and our friends were getting married who had known each other for MUCH SHORTER time, etc. etc. So I was NOT happy.
Another couple of months later, he gets me this HUGE box (that could fit a toaster). I opened it and to make a long story short…. that was the ring. I didn’t even pay attention to the ‘ring’ box when I was ripping this big box apart. And then when I saw it, again my heart filled with DREAD thinking “oh great, another piece of jewelery that I don’t want.” (I had lost a pair of my earrings earlier and I thought he was replacing it.) So the proposal happened and though it was a magical and surprising moment as ever, BECAUSE of that retarded stunt with the ‘promise ring’ before, I was already upset to see small boxes of jewlery from him so I was not at my happIEST.
Moral of the story: Big box or not, it’s all the same sh*t if it is not an engagement ring! And big boxes can and probably will work against the man.
Post # 12
We have a rule, but it doesn’t relate to jewelry – no kitchen stuff from him. Other people can get that for me, but NOT him. And my guy gave me a really nice necklace from Jared’s when I got back from visiting my godkids in England (which may actually have been a peace offering – we were supposed to go about nine months prior, but he never got around to it. I had to wait until the kids’ grandma was going, since I couldn’t go alone due to memory loss and seizures.
Post # 13
Last year FH put earrings in my jewelry tray (which i didnt notice because i dont change my jewelry) but I was soo soo thankful that he didnt hand them to me in a small box, I would have flat out killed him right then and there and was so thankful that he knew this of me! haha good advice!
Post # 14
How about having open communication and talking to him so he understands that the engagement ring should stand on its own, and putting something under the tree that could be confused as it would be cruel. Seems like a pretty simple conversation. No need to make waiting a mind game, ladies.
Post # 15
@crayfish: Open communication is a great idea, but when it comes to gifts and surprises, a Waiting Bee pretty much has e-ring on the mind many more hours of the day than the guy (otherwise, you’d probably not be a Waiting Bee), and I think a lot of guys who shy away from taking the plunge might see earings or pendants, especially expensive ones as a kinda of peace offering – hey, I love you, but I can’t feel right proposing yet, so HERE. I’d LOVE to get a nice, real-for-once-in-my-life set of earrings or necklace, but if he gives it to me in a small-ring-sized box, I’ll be expecting one thing and getting another, which would allow MY expectations to ruin the moment.
This is expectation management… I really doubt most guys realize the effect of that small velvet box, and I doubt many women realize that guys don’t know that engagement is the first thought on seeing a small velvet box. The rule IS about communication – tell him you want to not hope for something he may not be ready to give at the moment of gift-giving. I’ve read plenty of stories on this board and in other places where an anticipated engagement has turned into something pretty nice but NOT what the woman was hoping for, therefore it was a let-down, which is something the woman can avoid ONLY if she can manage her expectations.
Also, a BIG box as a disguise for the e-ring is a great idea in my opinion – it takes you off guard at first and then you get a GREAT surprise.