(Closed) Using a church you don't particularly like

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Can you have the minister marry you at your preferred venue with the standard “Dearly beloved” vows (no homily?). This is what many of my agnostic friends did whose parents’/in-laws’ ministers married them. 

Post # 3
Member
3544 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Personally, I could never do it. But I’m incredibly idealistic. I think for most people it wouldn’t be a huge issue. I think you should look into the alternatives as far as price, other venues, officiants, etc. And then you can make a decision about whether or not getting married in a church you disagree with is better or worse than no church at all. Or a church you don’t go to? 

Post # 4
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

As long as it’s a standard ceremony with no extra stuff in it, I don’t think you’ll look back on it in disdain. 

Post # 5
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I wasn’t fond of the church we used, but it meant a lot to his mom so I went with it. Our pastor sent us his script he uses for weddings and thankfully we were able to change things we didn’t like. (Pastor gave me the side eyes when I wantd my name to be announce with the Mrs and Mr part.) Are you able to go through a script with the person at the church to make sure it fits your needs?

Post # 7
Member
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
islandtime:  Nope. I would not choose to get married within a denomination that I disagree with, no matter how much money I would save.

Post # 8
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Whatever your beliefs that’s totally fine, but it’s pretty disrespectful to use a church and pastor simply because it’s free, when you don’t even practice or believe in that faith. 

Post # 9
Member
47337 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

While I am not particularly religious myself, I find it incredibly disrespectful for couples to get married in a church whose beliefs they do not support and agree with, merely because they like the low cost.

Have a civil ceremony or hire an officiant to give you the spiritual aspect you want at a different venue.

Post # 10
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If you think the beliefs are nuts… then for real, don’t do it.  You’re communicating to all of your guests that you agree with the church by having the wedding there.  Plenty of inexpensive secular venues around.

Post # 11
Member
9054 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Using a church whose beliefs you do not believe in just because it is free is just as bad as those people who use a church for the pretty pictures. 

Post # 12
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

If you disagree with the teachings of the church, I wouldn’t get married there.  DH is a pastor and I’m fairly certain he would refuse to marry a couple that didn’t subscribe to at lease *most* of the teachings of the denomination.

Also don’t forget that having a reception at a church comes with a fair number of restrictions depending on the denomination.

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