Post # 15
Member
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper
LilliV : I think you’re right – DH and I weren’t totally on the same page at first. Or actually, we were initially on the same page – but then DH told his parents our plans and they flipped out, said they wouldn’t come to the wedding if we went ahead with this plan, and then DH began to doubt whether it was really worth it to include Christian components at all, since I’m not very religious, and doing so meant his own family wouldn’t attend.
It was a really difficult time between us, as I also was under enormous pressure with my parents whom I hate to disappoint. In the end, through counseling, we came to understand that we have to prioritize our relationship first and decide what kind of couple we are and want to be. Well, we’re a fairly secular couple that still cherishes our interfaith roots, so that’s the kind of ceremony we had. Both sets of parents were devastated when we told them our firm plans (his because we included some Christian things, mine because we didn’t include enough Christian things), which kind of made us think we were doing the right thing lol. But both of them got over it! And now they know we are not to be messed with and that when we make a decision together we will stand firm on it no matter what threats and ultimatums they throw at us.
Post # 16
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
I think it’s lovely incorporating two different beliefs and cultures in a wedding but she needs to be careful. What she is doing is a little insensitive and by the church’s rules could be offensive. All she needs in some guidance – get married in a church but pick a Unitarian church which is neither Protestant, catholic or Episcopal. It’s a denomination free church that allows you to have the wedding of your belief and it will be easier to have a service incoperating different components. A Protestant church of whatever denomination is Not going to allow catholic rituals into its service because it’s not part of their doctorine. Either that or she needs to have a non church ceremony and have the marriage blessed by a priest, minister or both. If she’s not a practicing catholic or doesn’t believe she is part of that church and attends another she shouldn’t mix and match her beliefs or two very different styles of worship. A Catholic Church takes marriage very seriously and it’s a huge sacrament – stay clear of the church
Post # 18
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
Isilme : Hopefully the Maid/Matron of Honor can convince her sister to try not to lie. The fact that the wedding will be in Lent and officiated by a woman will be two huge tip offs that it’s not a Catholic wedding. However, the lasso is not strictly a religious element of the ceremony; it is a culture-specific tradition that is permitted by the Church according to local custom, so it may be okay for the bride to use it outside of a Catholic ceremony. On the other hand, it will look very odd to have a Catholic symbol of Marian devotion (the giant rosary) in a non-Catholic setting.
Post # 19
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
Maid/Matron of Honor is frustrated and sad, and trying to still be friends with her sister the Bride who stops talking to her for a few days/weeks each time they disagree, but she has so many reservations about this wedding it’s hard. Even without the planned use of Catholic ceremony parts in a Protestant (I think is would fall under Unitarian) church, like the green card/Visa issues, the fact they have only been together officially 3 months now, and the language barrier, these all set up red flags.
Maid/Matron of Honor got lucky, found a great guy, who IS Catholic, and even though there are some cultural differences from where he grew up and where she did, they embraced them and they had an awesome wedding and it looks like a really good marriage. They’ve had to face some tough hurdles in the few years they’ve been together, and even though they are “young” (MOPH just barely turned 30) they have a relationship maturity beyond what I usually see.
I think both younger sisters want what she has, but don’t realize the GUY and how well you are able to be a partner with him is what makes the marriage work or not, not the trappings of the marriage ceremony. I think they are younger than their years on this topic, and so think more about how pretty or fun it will be, and don’t realize you are marrying a partner, not just having a party after going through some motions in a church.